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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be unaware I needed my husband's permission to travel with kids?

219 replies

SidekickSally · 01/05/2017 19:49

I've just come back from a weekend in Amsterdam with my 2 DDs, both under 16. We wanted to see some museums and my DH isn't keen so we went with my mum instead. At Amsterdam airport I was asked alot of questions by passport control and the guy said I needed written permission from DH to take my kids away without him. He was asking "how do I know your husband has given you permission to take the children without him". He accepted my return tickets as proof in the end but said next time get written proof.

I can see why he was asking and that this could be an issue but it never occured to me. What do lone parents do? What kind of permission is accepted? Surely a letter could be faked too. Seems a bit of over kill, or is it? Just be interested to hear from others about whether this is usual or unusual.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 01/05/2017 22:10

DS dad hads PR apparently.

I've checked here before because he isn't registered in this country but I was linked to somewhere that said rules of county of residence are used.

So dad has PR but no contact. Because he disappeared.

BuzzKillington · 01/05/2017 22:10

This is news to me.

I have taken mine to Paris probably 10 times without their dad (we go to meet him as he often works there) and we have never once been asked.

Swissgemma · 01/05/2017 22:10

I carry a copy of dh's passport, ds birth certificate and our wedding certificate together with a letter from do saying we can travel. I fly ds every 6 weeks ish and get asked for the letter every three ish trips (both leaving and coming back into Switzerland and also in London) ds hasn't got my surname!

TinselTwins · 01/05/2017 22:11

If you take a route frequently you're likely to have been background checked anyway and they'll know your patterns/who you travel with

You're more likely to get pulled up on this for an unusual journey (for you)

Marsbarbounty · 01/05/2017 22:12

ArtemisiaGentilleschi we have nc but he's on the birth certificate

SemiNormal · 01/05/2017 22:12

Those of you who are NC, presumably the other parent has no PR so it doesn't apply to you I guess - My ex has PR. One way around the palava is going to court for a child arrangement order. I think this is what I'll do now, once it's done that's it. I won't need to consider asking exs permission, just the thought of that grates on me to be honest!

SalemSaberhagen · 01/05/2017 22:16

Leaving Amsterdam the other week with toddler DD and DP. The man looked at my passport, DD's, back at mine, at DP's, then back at the other two slowly. Asked us where we were travelling to, and my relationship to them both. Perhaps it is because they have got the same surname (but different to me), or that I am a different race perhaps, but it shook me up for a moment!

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 01/05/2017 22:16

Ah OK, wasn't sure about the PR thing.
I do wish people would give over with the "never been stopped" anecdotes. I have never been stopped by customs but I know a)they exist b) there are rules to follow.

snowgirl1 · 01/05/2017 22:21

DH and I went on holiday with DD to South Africa and even though we we both present we got taken off into a room an interviewed because we didn't have DD's birth certificate with us to prove she was our DD. We've definitely learnt to double check the regulations of the destination about this.

BusyBeez99 · 01/05/2017 22:22

It's never been publicised that you need this letter though. And anyone could write a letter and sign it so what is the point anyway?

frasersmummy · 01/05/2017 22:24

We travelled as a family dh me and DS to Paris on the way back in to Glasgow..put mine and DS passport up together..I got asked if he was my son and a why a different name..
He then asked for dh passport..asked DS if i.was his mum and waved us through..

SemiNormal · 01/05/2017 22:24

And anyone could write a letter and sign it so what is the point anyway?- Yes but as I said you need to provide travel dates and contact details of other parent. So phone number and address, they could keep you there until they have managed to contact the other parent to confirm you have permission causing you to miss your flight. It's not worth it especially if travelling with a fairly young child, the stress that would cause! Also it can be considered child abduction.

TinselTwins · 01/05/2017 22:24

It's never been publicised that you need this letter though. And anyone could write a letter and sign it so what is the point anyway?

I don't think you'ld say that so confidently if taken aside to a room with 3 men with big guns. Better to bring whatever you can to comply with whatever they might ask you for

Orlantina · 01/05/2017 22:25

There must be 10000s of people in this situation going abroad every year from the UK and it's rare to hear reports of people being turned away at borders.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 01/05/2017 22:25

My son and went on at least 1 foreign trip every year from age 7 without his father and never came across this. We don't have the same surname.

Sara107 · 01/05/2017 22:33

I've been stopped in Dublin and Germany as Dd has different surname. Irish border control advised I should carry her birth cert, which I suppose proves she's my child but not that I have her father's consent to take her abroad. It had never occurred to me for a second that I couldn't take my own child when and where I wanted, both of us travelling with valid, legal passports.

olderthanyouthink · 01/05/2017 22:36

My parents took my school friend along with us on a shopping trip to Calais and we were stopped at folkstone/dover because it's looked suspicious that we were taking a little white (my parents are black and white) girl out of the country who obviously wasn't my sister or something.
We were told that we should have had a letter from her parents but as she seemed happy enough they let us go.

Sgtmajormummy · 01/05/2017 22:41

You should take a copy of your child's birth certificate and a letter of consent from a non-present spouse if you're visiting Italy, as that's what you need to take an under 14 yo child OUT again!

If you're not a parent and are accompanying a minor the parents' letter of consent needs to be witnessed and stamped by the local police (Questura). Scary stuff if you're not used to it. Italians love red tape, so the more official stamps the better!

Fortunately my DD's Italian identity card is a new one with both parents' names on the back and allows her to travel with one OR both of us. Only available since November I think.

C0RAL · 01/05/2017 22:44

I've been in Belgium and Denmark this year with one of my children ( no DH ) without any problems.

If the issue is possible child abduction, how does having a copy of the birth certificate help?

And surely anyone who plans to abduct a child will have no scruples about forging a letter ?

Enidblyton1 · 01/05/2017 22:44

Never heard of this! I've just flown to Geneva and back with my two DCs and nobody asked for permission from my DH. We do all have the same surname though.

scaryteacher · 01/05/2017 22:47

Artemisia There is passport control on exiting the UK at Dover, St Pancras, and Ashford. You go through the French control as well as the UKBA. It's the reciprocal part of the Le Touquet border agreement which allows UKBA controls at Calais, Brussels, Paris and Dunkirk.

As for anecdotes, I have been stopped by customs exiting the UK, but have never from 2004 when dh was posted to Brussels, to when ds turned 18 in 2013, been asked for authorisation from dh for ds to travel with me. The diplomatic passport helped though!

LinaBo · 01/05/2017 22:48

I don't normally travel abroad with my DD without DH but, having read many accounts of people being stopped and questioned, I asked DH to write a letter when we went to Brussels and Amsterdam one half term a couple of years ago. I also took a copy of his passport and birth certificate. He thought the whole thing was a bit ridiculous but I was really worried as DD and I travel with passports from different countries. The only question I got asked at border (we travelled by train, so passport control in Brussels) was if I was going home. I had the peace of mind of having all the paperwork should I need it though.

Travelledtheworld · 01/05/2017 22:50

Was questioned about this entering Canada via Toronto several years ago. Me travelling with my children I have a different name in my passport.
It was quite scarey because they could have held us for questioning for quite a long time. My husband was working in SE Asia and not available at all.
After that I never travelled without a letter from my husband, authorised by a Notary Public ( in the USA, a legal clerk, not the same senior lawyer as in the UK)

Swissgemma · 01/05/2017 22:50

Whereas I have frequently been asked in Geneva.

workingmumsarebad · 01/05/2017 22:53

You are advised to show proof of your relationship and it is not compulsory.

For 6 yrs I travelled 10+ times per year with DCs with no issues, then some malignant person reported me as an abduction risk!
See if every question under the sun has not been asked, but only questioned when I return to the UK, i used to carry b cert but have been told my immigration officials that:

i am not a proper mother
in the muslim world i would lose my children
I must change my surname ( am married)
that it is obvious I am a flight risk - with rtn ticket!!!
had b cert, wanted marriage cert
had b cert and marriage cert wanted utility bill with both names on
etc etc etc

I now take nothing and listen to how it is to protect my DCS - ignoring the fact , they have not seen their father for 2 yrs and then he took them on holiday to his home country, where all his family live but because he has the same surname - he was not likely to abduct them.

Q the most recent trip, when really sensible Immi officer just turned to DCs and said- girls had a good holiday, they both said yes and then he said, whose this pointing at me - at which they both broke into big smiles gave me a hug and said Mummy!!!

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