to be unaware I needed my husband's permission to travel with kids?

[SidekickSally]

I've just come back from a weekend in Amsterdam with my 2 DDs, both under 16. We wanted to see some museums and my DH isn't keen so we went with my mum instead. At Amsterdam airport I was asked alot of questions by passport control and the guy said I needed written permission from DH to take my kids away without him. He was asking "how do I know your husband has given you permission to take the children without him". He accepted my return tickets as proof in the end but said next time get written proof.

I can see why he was asking and that this could be an issue but it never occured to me. What do lone parents do? What kind of permission is accepted? Surely a letter could be faked too. Seems a bit of over kill, or is it? Just be interested to hear from others about whether this is usual or unusual.

They shouldn't discriminate on surname and there is no rule that members of a family have to have the same surname, but preventing parents taking children away from the other parent without their consent is sensible.

When I was working in a port years ago a man turned up with his passport and his wife's passport. The children were on his wife's passport, but she wasn't there. He had a go at me for questioning it. This was before 9/11 and all that and the company waived them through.

In addition to a letter giving permission by the absent parent, my ExH, I also discovered recently that that letter has to be notarised at a police station, along with a copy of the absent parent's passport.

Also, you need the child's birth certificate, with both parents names included and a copy of your passport to attach to them.

I discovered this at the check in, attempting to go to South Africa. Great fun.

When he dies, I will need a copy of his death certificate, until my youngest is 18.

If we were NC, then the trip would have been cancelled - I have no idea if I would have got my money back. As it is, it took four days to get the paperwork together and the airline graciously changed our flights, free of charge. Perhaps they felt they should have made it clear when the tickets were booked?

I had the same issues going to Nigeria, several years back - but at least I knew about it then as we had to get visas in advance.

I'll never take the risk again, wherever I go with the kids. I aged ten fecking years!

I get this with DD - her dad and I are divorced and she has his surname and I reverted back to my maiden name so whenever we go abroad I always make sure to take a "Letter of Authorisation" - the template of which we downloaded from the internet and just change the specfic details for each trip - but we've only ever been asked for it a handful of times and we travel multiple times a year.

The UK government guidelines are here:

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

It applies to everyone.

I have been asked on several occasions (EU, non-EU Europe, Oz) previously used notarized or witnessed letters of permission, birth & marriage certs and always ensured DH has mobile on when I'm due to go through immigration. No probs at all but I always volunteer docs and see it as an important security measure.

Some countries take child kidnapping / security more seriously than others. I've never been asked for anything in UK.

Oh and our surnames are all the same and the kids look very much like me!

For South Africa now this is vital. You're not allowed to fly there unless you can show letter (signed by professional person) plus birth certificate. Since about 18months ago I think. Even when dh and I both fly with our dc, you need to show birth certificates with passport.

Yes. This is not only to do with parental abduction but also child trafficking.

I have my ex's (my married) surname in my passport too, as it's DS's surname. I am a LP.

and the kids look very much like me!

And that's where we "raise eyebrows" SaraLinden, being a blonde mum and biracial son .

Fun fact: Dutch citizens can't change their birth surnames (you can assume a partner's name, but your legal name remains unchanged). So there is no expectation here that families will all have the same surname. This would only be the case if both parents coincidentally had the same surname by birth.

Been travelling and from Belgium with ds since he was 8, he is now 21, and have never been challenged either at Eurostar either way, or the ferries.

SarahLinden yes Africa is very big on this. We've had notices at work from airlines explaining the paperwork required.

I haven't read the whole thread, but my DH got picked up at Amsterdam once when travelling with DD1. Its our "home" city and he was asked if he had permission (from me) to travel. First we'd ever head of it, and I'd never been asked when travelling alone with my child. Plenty of questions later, he was free to leave customs. But yes, indeed, on the Dutch government website, there's a form to be filled in by either parent / guardian travelling alone with kids. I actually now think it's a good idea and was a bit miffed to not have to produce it when I travelled a week or so ago with DD1.

We got stopped coming back on the Eurotunnel from France to the UK, and I was with my DH! We all have the same name - DH, me, 3DC. The Border guy didn't think DD looked enough like her passport photo. It had been taken 3 years previously when she was only 2, so I guess it's understandable. Her toddlerish fluffy white curls had darkened to darker blonde, straight hair.

In the end, the guy asked my 2 DS's "is she your sister?" to which they thankfully just said 'yes" (they are sometimes of a mood to deny her completely!) and he let us through. Mad.

yes. i have taken GD abroad knew to have letter from parents with passport number and phone numbers.

I learned this the hard way, after taking DC on holiday for the first time post split.

Felt so incredibly proud of myself for doing first trip abroad by myself with them, then was questioned on the way back into the country as DC and I have different surnames

3 year old DS was actually asked: "who's this lady standing next to you?"

This happened to me flying back from the Netherlands with DS2 as well. The very lovely border officer said "where's his daddy?" and I thought he was just making conversation so was like, "Er, I dunno, work probably." He asked me for a letter and I asked "what about?" I had no idea this was 'a thing'. Luckily he believed in my total naivety and waved us through after a brief conversation, telling me in no uncertain terms that I'd need a letter 'next time'.

I flew over Easter with both DSes (to Tenerife) and wasn't asked, which is lucky as I STILL don't have a letter from DH even though I now know I need one.

It seems hit and miss. Dsc's mum has been stopped as her surname is different and was told to travel with birth certificates (not letter of consent). We travelled with adopted ds before court order so still with birth name in passport. We had letter of consent from sw but didn't get it out immediately as wanted to see what would happen. He has delayed language and doesn't understand a lot. The passport guy didn't speak to us but asked him his name (he denied being called the name in his passport) and asked if I was his mum (he said no). I expected him to question us at this point and had letter ready but he just waved us through!! Ds then wanted to help me pull the suitcase so left the desk shouting 'help me'. I kind of wished he had been a little more probing.

The "different surname" thing really pisses me off. By that logic, I could have absconded with my niece who does share my surname or my late dh could have absconded with his niece and nephew and no-one would ask any questions!

I got the third degree when entering NL with my DD (we live there, so were coming home). Before that I had no idea this was necessary. Bloody jobsworth reduced me to tears, just off a plane with a toddler, 3 bags and a pushchair!

But yeah, there are forms on the internet you can download for free and get your DH to sign, and vice versa if he goes away without you with DC

How strange?!

So as far as I'm aware I'm allowed to take DS away for a month before needing exp permission so how would this work? There's no way he'd give permission for even a few days away awkward bastard

My DS went on holiday with his friend and friend's family. No questions asked taking him out of the country to belgium. (They had a non-notarized letter from me)

They weren't so keen to let him BACK into the uk and asked a lot of questions.

He's a British passport holder ffs!

Sounds like I got off lightly then as I was only stopped for around 10 minutes and he didn't even question my DDs.

Never knew this was a thing! I travelled to USA recently with my 2 DS - all have same surname - no problems.

It still very unclear though. Say I travel alone with my DC with different surnames, with complete agreement and permission from my DP to whom I am unmarried, he just can't travel with us for whatever reason, is getting next day flight or whatever, why would I have a letter? Would the birth certificates not be enough? How would they know the letter was genuine? I guess if it ever happens I'll do a letter from him with his contact details, get him to sign it, take the birth certificates and hope for the best.

I've never heard of this! Is this a recent thing? I traveled with my DF (different surname) a lot as a child without DM and don't ever remember being stopped or questioned.

Also what would happen in a situation where the DCs father had died?

It has nothing to do with surnames, although once the docs are being looked at, different surnames will cause closer checks to be made.
It's when one adult is travelling with a minor that questions are asked. Not always (as I said on the thread yesterday about this..) like not everyone was stopped by customs every time. It's to prevent child abduction by one of the parents.
I travel frequently with did and have been asked for the docs twice.
Immigration officers in the UK have been told to check closely one adult travelling with minors since the early 90s at least.
Just because you haven't been stopped yet, doesn't mean you won't be.
There was a massive sad face story last year with a mother wah wahing to the press that she had missed out on her holiday because she hadn't known she needed a letter of consent.