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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be unaware I needed my husband's permission to travel with kids?

219 replies

SidekickSally · 01/05/2017 19:49

I've just come back from a weekend in Amsterdam with my 2 DDs, both under 16. We wanted to see some museums and my DH isn't keen so we went with my mum instead. At Amsterdam airport I was asked alot of questions by passport control and the guy said I needed written permission from DH to take my kids away without him. He was asking "how do I know your husband has given you permission to take the children without him". He accepted my return tickets as proof in the end but said next time get written proof.

I can see why he was asking and that this could be an issue but it never occured to me. What do lone parents do? What kind of permission is accepted? Surely a letter could be faked too. Seems a bit of over kill, or is it? Just be interested to hear from others about whether this is usual or unusual.

OP posts:
Orlantina · 01/05/2017 21:45

You'd have thought that a much better system would be your child's passport being linked to possible abduction worries.

So if a parent is concerned about a child being abducted by parents, they could alert the authorities and then it would be flagged up when the passport is scanned at the border.

redexpat · 01/05/2017 21:46

I got stopped coming into the uk with dd but we are different nationalities and have different surnames. The birth certificate was enough proof for them.

Marsbarbounty · 01/05/2017 21:46

This really worries me! We're going on holiday and my daughter has a different dad to my other dc, her dad is in the birth certificate so has parental responsibility, however there is no contact and has never been contact since she was new born, we Havnt seen/heard from him since.
She has my surname my other dc has my oh surname? What would happen if we got stopped Shock

YoniFucker · 01/05/2017 21:47

Yes - nothing to do with surnames. I have the same surname as my DSes. I was stopped coming back IN to the UK from NL. I wasn't stopped in with direction going in or out of Spain.

i like knowing this happens. I wish there was a bit more clarity on the rules!

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 01/05/2017 21:48

PS you won't be asked when leaving the UK because there is no passport check on exit from the UK!!!

Orangebird69 · 01/05/2017 21:48

I fly in and out of Europe and the Middle East regularly with ds and have never been asked for any documentation at all.

JugglingMum17 · 01/05/2017 21:49

My husbands sister in law has to get permission to take her three sons to India who are aged 4,2 and 8 months. I thought it was because she was travelling without him and mainly because she had an Indian passport.

I guess from reading your thread it's becoming quite common across the board...

So what happens if parents are single or divorced?

Orlantina · 01/05/2017 21:50

you won't be asked when leaving the UK because there is no passport check on exit from the UK

Are you sure on that? I thought that we have a system of counting people out as well as people coming in? So your passport is scanned on the way out.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 01/05/2017 21:50

The two times I have been stopped was once leaving Italy and once entering the UK. Happily married, all same surname.
I took a group of kids abroad on a school trip and wasn't asked about any of them!

BusyBeez99 · 01/05/2017 21:51

I've been to Germany France holland menorca and Tenerife without my DH but taking our DS with us and never been asked for a letter.

BusyBeez99 · 01/05/2017 21:52

*with me

GavelRavel · 01/05/2017 21:52

I've got to say, over recent years we have been scrutinised much more closely at virtually every passport control even when travelling all of us together. I present all the passports, they take them off me and then they make all the kids line up in front of me where they can't see me and verify which kid they are and what their names are. TBH I think it great that they are checking more closely now if it prevent even one child.being abducted but I just wish they'd make the requirements clear.

TinselTwins · 01/05/2017 21:52

I've never heard of this! Is this a recent thing?

No. I brought a letter 10 years ago.

And a friend of mine didn't put her DDs father's name on the birth cert 15 years ago for the sole reason that she wanted to be able to take her daughter on holiday (she was having the baby alone and the father was a "free spirit" type who wasn't always contactable, so she worried about him being off in some himalayan commune in the future when she wanted to take the kid abroad)

Heathen4Hire · 01/05/2017 21:53

DH mentioned this when he was considering taking DD to San Diego (For ComicCon. Not my scene). We all have the same surname but I would still need to provide permission. I thought he was joking.

oblada · 01/05/2017 21:55

Sorry I don't know if this has been answered already but where does it say that someone in the OP's situation has to take a letter from husband? I saw the gov.UK link which just shows that consent must be obtained from those with parental responsibility but where does it say it should be consent in writing? This seems crazy to me, I've taken the children abroad on my own and didn't have anything from the husband and unless there is an actual legal requirement somewhere I don't intend on doing anything different next time. No way would I go to the trouble of getting a notarised letter and a normal letter is just worthless imo.

SaintEyning · 01/05/2017 22:00

DS has been questionedas to who I am (we look very alike) coming back home from holidays in the ME twice now, before asking me for the letter. I have it, as well as a copy of the BC and a copy of his dad's passport to verify signature. It's to do with child trafficking as much as parental abduction.

SemiNormal · 01/05/2017 22:03

I started a thread about this the other day because I'm still confused about it all.

My ex is NC with our son (his choice although for the best). We've had NC for a few years and I don't have contact details for him, I know he lives miles away but that's all. I went to the court the other day to ask about getting permission from the court. They told me I don't need to seek permission if it's less than 28 days and there is no other order preventing me from travelling with child and no social services involvement. However the Gov website says different! She also told me, at the court, that it would be a lengthy process to get permission as they'd have to track the fucker down and await his response etc
I do understand why these things are in place but it's really not practical for many people. Fucking nightmare.

Someone above said how would they even know if it was the other parents correct signature. Well my understanding is you need to provide contact details such as address and phone number so they could potentially hold you there until ex picks up his phone to confirm!

youarenotkiddingme · 01/05/2017 22:03

I don't know where DS father is - can we never leave the UK?

(We have done about 5 times on the past 7 years!)

Once they asked ds who he wa S travelling with and he said "you are". They asked who "your are is"
He said "she is" Hmm Grin (he's autistic!)

They didn't ask for any more information. I just thought it was because I'm Miss X and ds is master Y-X and his first names are clearly from where he was born even though he's British! (Both me and his dad are!)
This was the only time I've ever been asked and we were on a return flight to his country of birth having been on a visit to the UK!

Natsku · 01/05/2017 22:03

Always wise to take a permission letter, plus proof that they are your child. I have been questioned upon arrival in the UK every single time I've travelled with DD (who has dad's surname), never got questioned when leaving Finland (apart from the time her dad decided to call up and ban her from travelling) so I think the UK is a bit more strict on these matters (although I never got asked when leaving the UK but possibly because we don't travel on UK passports so look to be on the return trip)

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 01/05/2017 22:06

Those of you who are NC, presumably the other parent has no PR so it doesn't apply to you I guess.

Natsku · 01/05/2017 22:07

Sometimes the other parent can have PR but no contact though

RedBugMug · 01/05/2017 22:07

we have a copy of the bc stapled to the back of the passport.
usually that's enough.
if not the dc are old enough now to answer questions. (and they do get asked, a sneaky 'looking forward to showing your dad the new toy' type of thing)

CotswoldStrife · 01/05/2017 22:07

The gov.uk link mentions a letter.

A letter from the person with parental responsibility for the child is usually enough to show you’ve got permission to take them abroad.

TinselTwins · 01/05/2017 22:08

are people not reading ALL the posts about how having the same surname/being the child's parent is not what they're checking

In fact, their concern is one parent taking a child against the other parents will, so having the same surname isn't reassuring from their POV

Yes its vague in its application and a PITA with estrangements. But proving the child is yours isn't what they're asking.

TinselTwins · 01/05/2017 22:09

Those of you who are NC, presumably the other parent has no PR so it doesn't apply to you I guess. that's not the case for many