Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mid thirties is too late

269 replies

verbenaa · 01/05/2017 09:31

To make significant changes! Sorry for the bold but I'm not talking about - lose a couple of stone, spend a year at college to train as a teacher, buy a new house.

I mean it's too late to completely steer your life in a different direction. Careers which pay a lot of money tend to be ones people commit to early on. If you haven't got much in the way of savings or got into good habits money wise it's hard to change that mindset. If you've had an ingrained mental health problem for over twenty years then it's probably a bit late to treat it successfully.

So AIBU?

I sort of hope so but also want honesty but NOT a kicking. In a bad place and all.

OP posts:
Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 14:20

Yes, that's just it. The only thing I'm good for is supply and that isn't an income, really, you can rely on.

OP posts:
Cromwell1536 · 01/05/2017 14:20

Wow, stumbly, that's very impressive. Well done. If I read your post right, you managed to put aside £64k out of income to pay off debt and save over the last three years. Maybe the subject of a whole other thread (and indeed, your own vlog/TV programme/manage your finances roadshow), but how did you manage that? I need to save £8k over the next two years, and I'm a bit daunted by it.

OP, lots of good advice and heartening stories on here. I hope you are feeling receptive to both, but it does sound like you need some consistent help and a sustained focus upon yourself, in a positive way. - start with your GP, investigate careers coaching and life coaching, maybe find a nice friendly exercise class that you can walk to. Good luck.

canihaveacoffeeplease · 01/05/2017 14:28

Yabu. We have a 2 yr old and a 12 week old. Our very successful business that we've put our all into over the last few years is on the market, our Australian visa application is in, and we're planning to emigrate there in the next 18 months. I'm 33, DH 32. It's most definitely not too late at all, in fact it's a perfect time.

We intend to start a business in Australia, we have lots of ideas but won't know which is right till we get out there. In the meantime I'll work in my trade which I've had the visa granted for.We are financially stable, happy, have completed our family, kids yet to start school, it's the perfect time for an enormous life change! You just need the guts to go for it!

LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes · 01/05/2017 14:55

The only thing I'm good for is supply and that isn't an income, really, you can rely on

I choose to do supply for various reasons. I work full time. I only have non work days if I choose to. I do a combination of 2 or 3 days at the same school made up with day to day work and term long+ contracts.

Is part of the issue that you just don't really enjoy teaching?

LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes · 01/05/2017 14:58

Actually running is a really good idea. Couch to 5k is really good if you haven't done it before. And swimming.

Both require no brain power so give you plenty of time to think and plan and the endorphins give you a high that makes you feel positive enough to tackle other things.

In the nicest possible way, some of this is going to be about your attitude. It's fine to have a rant and it's fine to have a moan and it's fine to feel hopeless. But then have to be temporary. Make sure you're not one of those people who has a problem for every solution... Wink

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 14:59

I don't know.

I feel like I didn't have much of a chance to enjoy it, because I got pregnant when I was only in my third year and I was very badly affected by sickness and depression and exhaustion. I feel like I could enjoy it, but I won't get a job so I suppose it is pointless reminiscing on it. I do sometimes look wistfully at young teachers starting out and wish I could do it all again!

Like I say I'm sorry if I sound negative. I just wish I could think of one thing to give me confidence and there's nothing.

OP posts:
wheatchief · 01/05/2017 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 15:05

Thanks x

OP posts:
LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes · 01/05/2017 15:07

I don't understand why you wouldn't get a job.

The bottom line is, the profession that is hemorrhaging teachers. Yes, they want 'good' teachers etc but they also need people to be in the classroom!

Are you primary or secondary?

Doing supply can be a good way into a permanent, or at least a long term temporary position.

LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes · 01/05/2017 15:08

I have friends who have been doing supply for 6 or 7 years now and say they would never go back to a permanent job.

SuperPug · 01/05/2017 15:09

CBT is great and your doctor can refer you.
Definitely not too late and teaching is an ideal career to switch from as there are many skills you will have acquired.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 01/05/2017 15:10

don't wait to long Verbenaa, you can have CBT as you are training for something. The important thing is to do something.
I bounced back from being a battered wife for 8 years at about your age, from living in a women's hostel on benefits with a child and no worldy goods at all to being pretty comfortable now but you have to keep moving, it's no good saying I'll do something after 1 year of CBT or when such and such is done.
Small steps all the time is my advice. Order a university brochure, look at the job pages, work out what finances you have and do a budget.

NoIT · 01/05/2017 15:10

op you sound so so much like me. I basically feel like a mahoosive failure. I have really bad social anxiety and low self esteem which has pretty much ruined my life. It's held me back hugely in literally every area of my life. It's been there since childhood so I don't think I'll ever be able to "cured". This means I'm always destined to never fulfill my potential. It sucks.

I'm mid 30s and would love to start a new career but really don't think I can. Im not financially secure and always skint. I do have a husband and kids etc but because I focus so much on my failures and how much I hate myself, I don't even appreciate them, as horrible as it sounds.

I read all the comments of ppl changing careers, moving towns, etc and doing well and I think that's brilliant- but I can't do that.

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 15:15

Looking because I'm shit!!

OP posts:
LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes · 01/05/2017 15:17

I'm sure you're not shit.

Do you mean at teaching or is that how you feel in general and actually you're fine as a teacher?

Are you working at the moment? It's hard to tell from what you've posted. It sounds like not (unless I've missed it).

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 15:19

No, not really, just doing the odd bit of intervention work :) I don't know if I'm shit or not but I can't get a job so it doesn't matter anyway.

OP posts:
whattheactualfudge · 01/05/2017 15:25

Thisis What a load of crap! My grandmother bought her first (& last) house at 80yrs old! With a mortgage!

Op - It's never too late! My Mum changed careers at 51! And stayed in that job until she retired.

limon · 01/05/2017 15:28

Yabu. At forty I left a hideous and childless marriage which I thought was forever, met current dh and had dd at 43. My life is completely different now.

Albadross · 01/05/2017 15:39

How did those here who went into medicine, later on, fund it? Did you already have biology A Levels etc?

I would love to do this but I'm in an entry-level job and have a mortgage and we just cover everything, so unless you've had some modicum of success in a career or have a partner who does I can't see how it works?

OP I was the same in my early thirties and then stumbled into the job I'm in now, met DH and had a child all within 3 years. Now I'm stuck at the same grade in said job and feeling like this isn't 'it' somehow. People ask me what my 5 year plan is, and I've never had one because I simply have no grasp of what I'd be good at - none of it was my original plan (music) which I slogged away at for a good 15 year before realising I'd better got on with life if I did want one...

annandale · 01/05/2017 15:59

AHP degree - I did an A-level via the National Extension College while working p/t. I was lucky, it was a few years ago, I got a bursary while training Sad and dh did also work at that time. We only just made it work - usual thing of working out the entire budget weekly, penny to penny and putting off bills to particular weeks.

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 16:08

I've really been thinking and looking back, and I understand how things have come to this. Obviously, I have to accept some responsibility for that, but there were other factors outside of my control.

However, I am in a position now where I am miserable. This really isn't just about work, but I do need to be able to support myself somehow, and so am I just to do supply teaching? I mean it is fine as far as it goes but no pension. No security, nothing. That makes me sad.

And then divorced, presumably, and lonely and washed up. That's how I feel. And I compare it to how I wanted things to be and it feels awful.

OP posts:
DrinkReprehensibly · 01/05/2017 16:12

I'm a couple of years older now but when I was 33, my colleague said to me, "you know how long you've been alive so far? Well that's how long you've got into retirement". It gave me a bit of perspective when I was feeling similar and it helped me a bit.

DrinkReprehensibly · 01/05/2017 16:13

*until retirement

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 16:14

Actually retirement seems close in a weird way.

OP posts:
HandbagCrab · 01/05/2017 16:23

If you're doing intervention/ supply you can retrain around them or start your career again at another school. You know you'll not get a career from where you're working now.

Your husband is a waste of space. You are worth much more than the crumbs he has offered you.

I'm about to embark on a new career in my mid thirties after teaching. I'm not teaching for 30+ years from now!

You can get funding for masters now if you don't already have one. Perhaps look into something for September.

There's always a way op but you need the courage to put yourself first. Good luck