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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mid thirties is too late

269 replies

verbenaa · 01/05/2017 09:31

To make significant changes! Sorry for the bold but I'm not talking about - lose a couple of stone, spend a year at college to train as a teacher, buy a new house.

I mean it's too late to completely steer your life in a different direction. Careers which pay a lot of money tend to be ones people commit to early on. If you haven't got much in the way of savings or got into good habits money wise it's hard to change that mindset. If you've had an ingrained mental health problem for over twenty years then it's probably a bit late to treat it successfully.

So AIBU?

I sort of hope so but also want honesty but NOT a kicking. In a bad place and all.

OP posts:
Dozer · 02/05/2017 06:46

Why would the DC be with DH?

Don't make any poor decisions on that due to your MH and self esteem being low.

Please seek medical and legal advice.

iamreginaphalange · 02/05/2017 09:42

It's never too late!
Age is but a number.

Do it! If you don't, you'll be beating yourself up. 🙂

Blueflowers2011 · 02/05/2017 17:31

I have 2 success stories in my family.

  1. Sister in law whose family did not have much, she worked all sorts of different jobs from stalls to shops to travel agent etc to support her family on her own. (she was divorced and married my brother). Her last job she was a Receptionist at a legal firm, decided to study law for 1o years whilst she was there.

It's been almost 5 years now since she opened her law firm (divorce & family matters law, very passionate!), with a friend. They have work coming out of their ears and more and have now employed 7 lawyers. It's an amazing story. Now the money is really coming in, has sent her teens off to uni, bought a 5 bed house in cash in Spain to retire to, a nice car, on her 3rd property in London as an investment and so on. And she is not a flash person, very very down to earth. But it is very stressful and she goes to her office 7 days a week. Age 52 now.

  1. Another family member, studying, handed her notice in and studying full time. She loves it and says its what she always wanted to do and will look for a job when she finishes after 5 yrs. Age 45 now.

So in answer to your question yes it can be done if you really want it to.

Mypyjamasarebaggy · 02/05/2017 17:39

My sister did a PhD pre-DDx3, was a SAHM for the next 9 years and has now in the last 4 years (aged 39 at the start) been back to Uni for a part time law degree - 2?years, 1 year full time post grad thingy and now working part time waiting to qualify as a solicitor. Her friend in mid 30s also has 3xDC, she has been back to school to do A levels because she always wanted to be a paramedic, now studying for this, it's NEVER too late, mid-30s is only just when you decide what you eat from your life in my experience. I had a baby on my own at 40, that was a bit of a frame shift too! Go for it, nothing as bad a regretting something you DIDNT do.

Ormally · 02/05/2017 17:49

From what I've seen, a lot of people have no choice but to make significant changes in their mid-30s, and later.
What if you: relocated a long way away; if your partner or children suddenly had life changing health problems; if you met someone who was the love of your life even though you thought your life was fixed and the boat wouldn't rock? Or if your other half did?
I think you have to be really lucky to have everything stay just as you'd like it to...

GrassWillBeGreener · 02/05/2017 17:56

Haven't read the whole thread - don't have time. I'm in my 40s doing something that I love albeit only a few hours a week, hoping to increase it. Very different to the stuff I spent my 20s training in.

When I think back, my mother married at 30, and I think must have been nearly 40 when my dad was out of work for a while. At that point she got into something that she was able to do from home and it became her main career for most of the next 30 years. And if she hadn't insisted she needed to stop, there would have been children coming to her for help still (in late 70s).

Skywest · 02/05/2017 17:56

I met my husband at 30, had my lb at 35 and fully intend to buy a house in the future even though I'm nearly 40.Grin

Skywest · 02/05/2017 17:57

I met my husband at 30, had my lb at 35 and fully intend to buy a house in the future even though I'm nearly 40.Grin

RubyFlint · 02/05/2017 18:01

Love these success stories. Just shows that it's never too late!

I'm 47 and about to embark on a new career! You are young enough to change your life OP. I was still partying at your age and wasn't 'sorted' either. I didn't get married or have my DD until I was nearly 40. So from my PoV you are yet young!!

By my reckoning you have about 30 years of career ahead of you! Grin

Small steps can create huge change over time.

Don't panic and above all don't leave it another 10 years before you do something about it.

Be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time. Flowers

supersop60 · 02/05/2017 18:08

Never too late to make changes. There's no law that says you have to stay the same for the rest of your life. At 33 I had a complete change of career, which led to change of relationship and change of where I lived. I have never looked back. Good luck1

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 18:08

YANBU, it's too late for my dream career, I can't afford at this point to have 7-10 year gap in pension contributions, to work up from intern, to do 12 month contracts all over the country, I need to take better care of my health no so burning the candle at both ends in order to build up my reputation and qualifications.. nope it's too late for that.

forestsmurf · 02/05/2017 18:10

I did this, I was a little bit younger but the principle is the same. I was trained as a teacher and quit when back to collage to gain an access to higher education as my original A levels were not relevantly to my desired degree and spent the past three years working towards a dentistry based degree. It's been a large financial commitment with a mortgage and children to still provide for which my partner has helped with significantly but totally worth it, I'm 31 now but would do this all over again I feel I was 10 years older. Financially it works out well in the long run as well as doing a job I enjoy.

TinselTwins · 02/05/2017 18:10

My sister did a PhD pre-DDx3, was a SAHM for the next 9 years and has now in the last 4 years (aged 39 at the start) been back to Uni for a part time law degree - 2?years, 1 year full time post grad thingy and now working part time waiting to qualify as a solicitor

Does she have another income stream for private pension planning?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/05/2017 18:12

YABU. I used to work for a training centre for a specific field, and we quite often had (mostly women) people of all ages coming in to re-train - mid 30s was a very common age, and I believe the oldest lady we had was nearly 70. We got some men in as well, but it was mostly women.

RubyFlint · 02/05/2017 18:13

@isthistoonosy

Wow your OH must feel on top of the world to have achieved so much from a standing start. Such an inspiring story.

A family member is currently doing GCSE's in her 40's - I will share your OH's story with her to spur her on!

Bantanddec · 02/05/2017 18:16

You're never too old to make these changes! Do what makes you happy op! I studied my a levels at a local college ans there was a man in his 70s in my English class, he definitely didn't think he was too old!!

millifiori · 02/05/2017 18:17

OP, it is NEVER too late. Never ever. Examples:
DH and I bought our house in our mid thirties, had DC just before I turned 40. I went back to college aged 50 and went from way below average income to six figures.
At any time your life can change. Any time you want it to. Even with severe ongoing MH issues.

Marymoosmum14 · 02/05/2017 18:22

It is never too late.

Bobbi73 · 02/05/2017 18:26

I hit 40 and realised, like many people that life is too short to waste. I started getting fit, lost a stone, started retraining and started a new business. I can't say about having a mental health issue as I've never had a serious one but you can definitely change everything else. We'll all be working well in to our late 60's or 70's s so may as well do something you like. Good luck x

InfiniteSheldon · 02/05/2017 18:41

I made huge life changes in my thirties gave up smoking weed, gave up my eating disorder put on and lost weight put in place many emotional changes that meant I met and am now married to the love of my life changed my job. You are only just becoming a fully functioning adult in your thirties and your life is just beginning.

InfiniteSheldon · 02/05/2017 18:42

That's meant to say late thirties

nursy1 · 02/05/2017 18:43

It's not too late. I didn't re-train as a nurse until I was 40. Don't be a whatif. Have a go. If it doesn't work so what!

LaurieF · 02/05/2017 18:52

No definitely not! DH is 33 and just made a massive career change after taking qualifications. He was unhappy in the job he had been in since 18 and wanted to do something different.

pollymere · 02/05/2017 18:53

My dh hated his job, he retrained and now does what he always wanted to do. It's totally unreasonable to think you're stuck once you hit 35!

edam · 02/05/2017 19:05

My biological grandmother retrained as a midwife in her late 40s - and that was in the 1960s when changing career was much less common.