To think mid thirties is too late

[verbenaa]

To make significant changes! Sorry for the bold but I'm not talking about - lose a couple of stone, spend a year at college to train as a teacher, buy a new house.

I mean it's too late to completely steer your life in a different direction. Careers which pay a lot of money tend to be ones people commit to early on. If you haven't got much in the way of savings or got into good habits money wise it's hard to change that mindset. If you've had an ingrained mental health problem for over twenty years then it's probably a bit late to treat it successfully.

So AIBU?

I sort of hope so but also want honesty but NOT a kicking. In a bad place and all.

Make an appointment to see a Life Coach and talk things through with them. You can do all sorts of things to change your life.

Verbena, I can relate to a lot of what you said. The thing that changed my life was seeing a counsellor. I felt truly understood and listened to, validated, and realised that I had suffered relational trauma in my youth that was still affecting me in adulthood. After a few months I realised I was being much kinder to myself and making choices based on what was right for me rather than what i thought i should do. And ironically after years of trying to do the right thing and make people like me, people seemed to like me a lot more once I was more true to my core self.

I did go on to make changes but I don't think I would have done so without my counsellor.

Nine years ago, at the age of 35, my husband started night school. It took him three years of night school and working 8-6 6 days a week to get Eng, Maths and science gcses. Then he left Volvo, where he'd worked in the parts department for 20 years, and got a job as a health care assistant in a hospital. Alongside this job he began an access to health course which ran for two years, two nights a week. He then stopped working (that's when I finally got a full time teaching job!) and started a three year degree in operating department practice. He qualified in January and he's about to turn 44. He's helping to save someone's life right now. :-) He's just been called in for an emergency. He left school with nothing. I am so proud of him :-)

Anywho. I got into uni this year (I'm 37) but after discovering I'm pregnant with a fourth I'm going to stay in teaching for another five years before I go back to the idea of studying midwifery.

The only thing stopping you is fear.

Crack on sweetie! You can do it :-)

No. I'm 68 and I know people who have taken completely new life directions at this age. You cannot know how long a future you may have.

Mid 30s is young! My mum started a degree when she was 40 and had a whole new career. Sounds like an excuse to me

My OH at 45 left his management retail position and is now nearly a year into a 3 year degree in Finance and Business Studies. I fully support him as I have gone from a SAHM to working full time in education. This was after 18 months of qualifying and completing various course in evenings aged 38/39. Both of us view the next few years as our transgression years into a new career each. Previously to being a SAHM for 3 years I was also in retail management for 10 years too.

AIBU? Husband keeping annoying me on that , 4 years on uni for a law degree mid 20s change all to get married and have a family spend 5 years at home with babies! Husband expect me to come back to the law practice ! AIBU got a year at college studying child development and got a job at school! Another mom at school got let go from 2 law practices because she couldn't stay until late( 7pm) at office! I am much happy and I am over my mid 30' going to 40' and love the changes! Never too old!

Definitely NOT too old.

Whatever you want to change in your life, go out boldly and do it.

Yabu!! 30s is nothing

Thanks for the info caoraich

PP asking how late starters fund medicine - I had savings from previous career and husband working f/t. Also managed to get a bursary. Other mature students work p/t jobs (everything from shop work to paramedic...), access bank of mum and dad, take lodgers, etc. Final year currently attracts a decent amount of NHS funding (no doubt this will change).

I had no science A-levels and took an access course.

I got married and had my one-and-only child (through IVF) at 38. I started a new career mid-40's. Early 50s I went self-employed. I have several plans for the future. You should always be planning on moving onto the next thing to keep yourself mentally young.

YABU I trained as a nurse at 39 Qualified at 41. Follow your dreams it's never too late. Now 47 and had to retire from nursing unfortunately have a neurological disease so retraining as a bookkeeper.

I went off to Uni when I was 34, having done some A-levels at evening classes over the couple of years before that. I then went on to a load of post-grad, but was hit by ms at 39.

It is only you who stops you going off and doing something different. It's an understandable fear, but do a bit of prep, make some plans, start working towards what you want now and you'll suddenly look round and realise you've done it!

NaomiCole that's a lovely story about your DH.

I agree with other posters: it is not too late! However, I don't think you are actually being unreasonable. Change in your mid-30s is MUCH harder than when you are in your teens or twenties. So many habits are well-ingrained, patterns of thought, ways of seeing the world, physical habits... it's a massive struggle to shift those! Of course it's not impossible, but, especially if you have kids, it's a big battle. I'm 38 and have been making some significant changes in my career and mental health in the last couple of years (having therapy, trying to re-start career after kids). Sometimes I feel like I'll crumble with the strain of juggling all the effort with just getting through our everyday routines. But... things are beginning to shift and happen and it's exciting. Some days I feel hopeless, other times incredibly positive. And I feel it's worth it just to try - even if you don't succeed in all your goals. There's so much to be learnt from the fight! It's how you know you're alive. I have a lot of sympathy with your feelings but would gently encourage you to give it a try. Breaking it down into tiny steps that you tick off on a list (starting by investigating something online, or making a very small change to your weekly habits, for example) might help.

wow - really inspired by all the great stories here :)

You are very young with a lot of time ahead. You're talking yourself into feeling helpless. See if you can get some cbt therapy (or possibly coaching as mentioned above). Look online and/or speak to your gp. You should be able to get help on the NHS. There are also cbt books that might help, including an excellent one called Mind Over Mood, which contains tasks you could undertake to try to change the way you think (and case studies). It's a hard thing to do unsupported but you might find it encouraging to read.

I'm now in my fifties and in my 30s was in a bad way with seemingly nothing going right and hardly able to pay the rent. I now have a dh, 2 dcs, a mortgage (bought in my 50s!) and a job I love. My life has improved enormously but it all started with me realising I had to take ownership of my life. It wasn't easy and it took a long time but therapy helped, as did forcing myself into new situations.

Take your time - you really do have lots of it - and take things one step at a time. The very fact you have written on here means you have taken the first step.

OH funded it by working the holidays, weekends etc in any job he could and studying extra course and summer courses to get through uni faster - 3.5 yrs for bachelor and masters. He had previously brought and renovated his house so was rent / mortgage free which helped of course.

I've just gone back to uni too, ft post grad and work 50% but of course I have OH to cover the bills.

Why would kids go with DH?
I feel for you OP, but even though you don't feel it now you have value and can turn your life around.