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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mid thirties is too late

269 replies

verbenaa · 01/05/2017 09:31

To make significant changes! Sorry for the bold but I'm not talking about - lose a couple of stone, spend a year at college to train as a teacher, buy a new house.

I mean it's too late to completely steer your life in a different direction. Careers which pay a lot of money tend to be ones people commit to early on. If you haven't got much in the way of savings or got into good habits money wise it's hard to change that mindset. If you've had an ingrained mental health problem for over twenty years then it's probably a bit late to treat it successfully.

So AIBU?

I sort of hope so but also want honesty but NOT a kicking. In a bad place and all.

OP posts:
Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 09:44

True ... but then actually doing the training, how!?

OP posts:
SongforSal · 01/05/2017 09:44

Nope. I'm 34, been training (studying) for 4yrs, have another 3 to go. I'll have a much wider employable scope when I have finished, I'll earn more (I'm not doing it for that). For me, it's about having a career I'm going to want to fly out of bed and get to in the morning.
Short term pain, long term gain and all that!

XiCi · 01/05/2017 09:45

Why on earth would mid thirties be too late to buy a first home? Many people do this. I was 33 when I got my first mortgage. Am 46 now and have almost paid it off.

OP it's definitely not too late to make major changes. My mum trained and qualified for a new career in her late forties and was really successful up to her retirement. I think you need to he clear in what you want to change though so you can set realistic goals.

QuestionableMouse · 01/05/2017 09:46

I'm 32 and will be going to uni this year. You're never too old to improve your life.

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 09:46

It's not just the career though, I suppose :) I don't know. Everyone else just seems sorted, together somehow.

OP posts:
EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 01/05/2017 09:50

A work colleague recently bought her first home at 41.

LookingThroughGaryGilmoresEyes · 01/05/2017 09:51

It might help people to give you realistic and practical advice/support if you outline what you want some of these changes to be.

Otherwise you're going to get several posts telling you "it's never too late" until people get bored of posting! Which isn't particularly helpful, I wouldn't imagine... Wink

mizu · 01/05/2017 09:52

Uh thisis I'm 44 and am a first time buyer Grin

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 01/05/2017 09:56

It's not too late. Just before my 30th I changed career from imp/exp finance management in banking (lots of banks were laying off staff/moving depts abroad at the time) to IT. I did need my banking experience as I was a business consultant who could interpret what the bank wanted and convey it to the techies. I taught myself C++ and Java though so I could have more say in the system builds. Doubled my salary in first two years. As for MH, I only really successfully tackled that recently, in my mid forties, maybe a bit further to go on that but I'll get there. My next challenge is my fitness which I've definitely neglected over the years but I fully intend to overhaul that even though I now have health issues (arthritis for example) that I didn't have when younger but difference being I'm determined now ......just got to find something I enjoy!

shockshockhorror · 01/05/2017 09:57

I'm 30 and have recently changed careers, I've gone in on the bottom rung of a huge ladder. I've only just started saving for my first house. I'm planning on doing a masters degree in 2/3 years time.

It's not too late. You may have 30 more years of working ahead and another 20 of retirement.

Iamastonished · 01/05/2017 09:59

I changed jobs at 35 and, although I stayed in the same industry, my career took a completely different path within it.

It really isn't too late. You need a change of mindset.

Thefabulousfeminist · 01/05/2017 10:01

Of course it's not too late
It's young!

Underparmummy · 01/05/2017 10:04

I am going to start doing my accountancy training this year (36).

Underparmummy · 01/05/2017 10:05

Imastonished - thats what Im hoping to do too! Same industry but just different path.

annandale · 01/05/2017 10:05

At 33 I was sketching out plans for an extension so that my Dad could come to live with me, as he was getting older and I was clearly going to be single forever.

At 43 I was one year into my first job post graduation. In the intervening decade, I'd met dh, got pregnant, moved cities, moved in with him, had ds, made a whole load of new friends, got married, spent 18 months learning about dh's religion, installed a new bathroom as dh had lived with only a shower FGS, been on the governing body of the local primary school, been on the parish church council, decided to change career, done an A-level, completed a 4 year degree.

It's true that the decade after that (so far) hasn't been quite so eventful but it's busy enough! Do you want things to be different? The questioning, thinking, exploring bit is the point and signifies that it's not too late, it's never too late.

frieda909 · 01/05/2017 10:05

I went back to uni and completely retrained aged 30. I loved having a bit more experience under my belt compared to all the fresh-faced recent graduates on my course! It meant I was far more sure about what I wanted to do, and it all paid off pretty damn well in the end.

And if I ever buy a home it most likely won't be until I'm in my 40s! Suggesting that mid-30s is too late for that is just a bit odd!

BestIsWest · 01/05/2017 10:06

Friend retrained as a social worker at 50 having been an accountant. Another friend is 55 and training to be a vicar having spent her career in IT.
So no, it is not too late.

BestIsWest · 01/05/2017 10:07

Fragile t SIL whvretrained as a nurse at 40 having been a hairdresser.

stargirl1701 · 01/05/2017 10:08

YABU. I'm in my early forties and retraining. I have nearly 30 years left of work ahead of me.

BestIsWest · 01/05/2017 10:08

Fragile was supposed to be Forgot sorry.

MajesticWhine · 01/05/2017 10:08

YABU. I retrained for a completely different career in my early 40s. It took over 4 years but it's possible and glad I did it now. And people aren't sorted, they just appear that way.

BetterEatCheese · 01/05/2017 10:08

It's never too late. I am 36 and am 4 years into a degree with the open university in a subject I always wanted to study. I realise I will be behind career wise but I don't care and hope my passion and determination will see me through.

I moved out of home when I was 17 and have battled with eating disorders, anxiety and poor relationships but now feel I am coming out the other side. I am doing emotional work to get there.

Sometimes early life circumstances set us on a path but we can get off.

Original poster
verbenaa · 01/05/2017 10:09

:) Looking

The problem is I don't know. My life doesn't look how I want it to at all, but I feel like to make it look that way I would have to start again from scratch!

OP posts:
annandale · 01/05/2017 10:11

Oh yes as for the sorted bit HAHAHAHAHA not sorted at all, never have been. The post describing what i have done leaves out all the 4am agonies and low episodes, all the weight gain and mistakes and failures. Thing is, I'd have those anyway, but at least this way I have some other stuff too.

Keep exploring.

Silvercatowner · 01/05/2017 10:12

My life changed massively career wise in my mid 40s. 30s is so young - you have another 30 ish years of career inside you (more if this wretched government has its way).