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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband went on an overseas work trip without telling me ...

306 replies

user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:17

Hi all,

My husband travels a lot for work often travelling for a week at a time but recently has had several early Monday morning meeting which has meant he has left on a Sunday late afternoon. I was at a hens night last night and we stayed the night and it was too far for a cab back. I left the house Saturday, husband waved me off - have fun see you tomorrow ! The B&B we stayed at had no cell reception so I could text him to say we are on our back until about 10:30 when we stopped to get a coffee. By that point phone was really low on charge, I saw 3 messages from him asking if I had a fun night could he call ect ... i quickly messaged back to say all good and had no battery. Got back to the house and he is nowhere to been seen and I had no house keys (as I expected him to be home) by this point I had no battery to call him or check my messages. Friend called him straight to voicemail - very weird. Borrowed a phone charger from my neighbour and low a behold I had a text from him. Ok, well bad news I'm afraid. Don't rush home - I'm at the airport. Realised on Thursday that I was flying today but didn't want to add more upset to your day 😫 - would you complete loose your shit over this ? I had to get a locksmith to get me into the house. He has hardly spoken to me since, thinks I'm overreacting and it's no big deal. That I'm just pissed off that I didn't have my keys. He was being very evasive, would not take a call nor did he answer the hotel phone at 10:40 last night. As he apparently was in the hotel bar ? This isn't stacking up for me ...... am AIBU or him ?

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 30/04/2017 22:23

No I'd be pretty unimpressed at that, you don't leave the country without telling your spouse!

Sadlady99 · 30/04/2017 22:25

I would be livid. He left the country without telling you, but even worse you were locked out in the middle of the night due to his actions!

He is absolutely in the wrong, I would want answers.

Pollydonia · 30/04/2017 22:26

Leaving the country without telling you......that's pretty fucked up.

GnatsChuff · 30/04/2017 22:27

Sounds like he tried to get hold of you to let you know he would be away but because of the poor signal/battery, he couldn't. If he didn't want to add 'more upset' , it sounds like something else is going on in your lives that he didn't want to add to your stress.

You say he has hardly spoken to you, how often would you expect him to speak to you while traveling for work? It's been less than a day?

When did he actually fly? Your OP makes it sound as if he was in the hotel last night (Saturday). But also that you were only away Saturday night.

Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:27

Ok glad it's not just me over reacting .. I didn't even know where he'd gone as he often travels to different places in the one country. He is now I've said sorry can we move on ??? But I don't really feel like he has apologised at all !

OP posts:
Lasvegas · 30/04/2017 22:28

Irresponsible for anyone not to have house keys with them. What if he had been rushed to hospital to see a sick relative. Or gone to the supermarket how were you going to get in?

My husband travels a lot abroad always mentions it., as in the exact city / cities he is visiting.

Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:31

Gnats we live overseas it's already our Monday morning. The amount we talk can vary .... but I think if you'd left the country without telling your wife you should make time to talk to her. I spoke to him briefly this morning but he was very abrupt as he was late for his meeting. I am furious !

OP posts:
Pollydonia · 30/04/2017 22:32

I can't get my head around the fact that he knew on Thursday and didn't let you know. Is he normally a twat ?

Iflyaway · 30/04/2017 22:34

My husband travels a lot for work often travelling for a week at a time

And you go out without your own house keys?

No way would I not have my own keys to get into my own house...

Do you not organise these things together?
Hmm

Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:34

Yes I admit - stupid to not have my keys, but total accident But you don't accidentally leave the country do you ?? (And he would have seen that I didn't gave my keys as they were next to his sunglasses - the picked them up to take with him)

OP posts:
Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:37

Ifkyaway I always know when he is going (as in he will tell me the night before or for the following week) but he has never just gone before and not told me - it's the weekend. He knew I was coming back on Sunday morning .... I just assumed he would be in as he always is !

OP posts:
GnatsChuff · 30/04/2017 22:41

Ok, fair enough re it already being Monday! It is late and I have had wine so couldn't work out the days.

First part stands though. It sounds like he didn't want to upset you for whatever reason, expecting to be able to let you know on Sunday. You said yourself that he asked to call you.

It's far from ideal, but if he regularly travels from Sunday afternoon, he probably doesn't see any difference as to whether that travel is within country or overseas.

Dafspunk · 30/04/2017 22:41

Do you think he was pissed off at your lack of contact while on the hen do so it was a bit of a passive aggressive 'I'll teach you'?

Iflyaway · 30/04/2017 22:43

Ah, I'm sorry user you are in this situation.... hope it gets sorted soon.

I guess that's the "joy" of being a LP. without backup

I have to organise me, myself and I Smile

Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:44

I don't think it was a ... that will teach her as we'd chatted via text at the hens party. Hmm

OP posts:
Wando1986 · 30/04/2017 22:45

I'd be more pissed off if my partner was a grown adult and didn't A- have a phone charger with them, and B- have their house keys with them. Also why don't any of your mates have a spare key for exactly situations like that?

Waterlemon · 30/04/2017 22:46

Did he actually go to "work?"

Iflyaway · 30/04/2017 22:46

I can certainly say something about taking control of my own life and become master mistress of my own fate.

Because you never know what life will throw at you.

Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:47

Gnats I don't think that calling me on Sunday morning would have been ideal either .... btw how is your hangover ? I am flying away today for work ?!? See you on Friday Hmmit's a bank holiday here too and we could have had some time together ...

OP posts:
Tenerife2015 · 30/04/2017 22:51

I agree with Wando, you should have taken a charger and your keys, your were irresponsible. Looks to me like DH had tried to get hold of you too, but he should have told you sooner.

Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:51

Wando we don't really do the spare key thing or ever have done .. yeah I know I should have a taken keys and b a charger. But I was away for less than 24 hours and expected him to be home as he told me He was flying Monday ... regardless I still would have been livid if he'd called me in the morning to tell me he was flying that morning !

OP posts:
Original poster
user123345 · 30/04/2017 22:56

I could understand that if he'd been called into work and it was a last minute thing .... but this was a pre planned work trip with obvious deception. He told me he was leaving on Monday, he knew he was leaving on Sunday morning and with held that from me.

OP posts:
Tenerife2015 · 30/04/2017 22:57

Why did flight day changed? Miscommunication or did something come up?

LadyLapsang · 30/04/2017 22:57

If your DH has that kind of role then you need to have your house keys with you. My DH sometimes goes to work and I don't know if he will be home that evening or flying out somewhere - that's how it is.

Highfivethatfart · 30/04/2017 22:59

Mmmmm - the way I read it is he realised on Thursday he was flying out on Sunday (not Monday as you knew from reading your recent update) but he didn't want to add more upset to your day which sounds like Thursday had already had enough stuff going on for you.....he travels a lot for work anyway so him being away is not a shock in itself....are you sure you're not more cross with yourself for not taking keys?!?!

I'd be cross/annoyed to start with but not livid - it's a shame he didn't notice you'd left your keys behind and left them with a neighbour and a note/text telling you.....

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