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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Man took picture of dd's breasts

181 replies

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:44

Yesterday dd (12) and her friend went to a large event. It was at a hotel right next to a shopping centre. In theory under 16s were meant to have an adult with them, so I was prepared that I might have to stay, but when we got there no one on the desk said anything about them needing an adult with them, and most people there seemed to be under 16 with no adults in their group. Dd1 is at the age where hanging around with her mum is really not cool so she wanted me to go, and dd2 would have been a massive, whinging pain in the arse if we'd stayed so it kind of suited everyone.

So I took dd2 for lunch and a wander around the shops in the shopping centre right next to the hotel. After a couple of hours dd2 phoned to say they'd had enough and wanted to leave, so we walked back over and met them.

On the way home, dd and her friend told me about a man coming up to them when they were at the event and asked to take a picture or dd (she was dressed up as a character and did look pretty cool). She agreed, but instead of using the proper camera he had with him, got his Iphone out and zoomed right in on dd's breasts (she is very blessed in that department), and took a picture. They found it quite funny but I was pretty shocked. He'd given them the impression that he was taking pictures on behalf of the event, although of course he could have just been saying that.

Dd's friend was chatting to another friend they'd met up with at the event last night and apparently this guy had done similar to other girls too.

I am tempted to contact the event about it but don't know what they can do, and they will probably just say that as dd is under 16 she was supposed to have an adult with her. But a grown man going around taking pictures of a 12 year old's cleavage isn't ok is it?

OP posts:
darwinsbabe · 30/04/2017 15:45

No of course it's not right.

Did he show them the pictures?

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:46

No, he just took the picture and made a sharp exit.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/04/2017 15:46

Clearly not ok. Might be worth a report to the police. Wouldn't make a big fuss about it as dd not bothered, but would enforce that this is not ok and she can say no.

ImperialBlether · 30/04/2017 15:47

You should go to the police about this, OP.

nuttymango · 30/04/2017 15:48

Straight to the police and report it to them before the venue wipes any cctv tapes to reuse them.

happypoobum · 30/04/2017 15:48

I don't understand - how did they know the photos were of DDs breasts if they didn't see them?

Did he say that's what he was doing?

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:49

Dd can't remember what the bloke looked like, she has ASD and finds eye contact hard so didn't really look at him. Her friend may remember what he looks like though. Probably pointless reporting it without some kind of description.

OP posts:
justkeepswimmingg · 30/04/2017 15:50

I'd contact the people involved in arranging the event, and also the police. It doesn't have to be made to a big deal, as your DD is fine, but it's worth reporting incase this disgrace of a man goes on to do anything more sinister. He thinks it's acceptable to take inappropriate photos of child, so what else does he find acceptable..

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:50

Happy - because he held his phone right by dd's breasts and took a picture holding the phone at an angle that definitely wouldn't have had her face in it.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 30/04/2017 15:50

Sorry Op but l think you ABU you should have stayed, this pervy guy is exactly why.... there are creeps everywhere sadly, and your DDs innocent reaction to chatting to him ( and her friends too) tell that clearly they are not yet equipped to spot the nasty guys and deal with them.

Uncool it may be to have a parent there, but safety is more important at a public event.

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:52

Dragon - I probably should have in hindsight, yes. Although even if I'd have been there I wouldn't have been glued to dd so chances are it would still have happened.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/04/2017 15:56

Without a description and none of you having seen the photos, I'm really not sure there's anything they can do?

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:58

I'll ask dd's friend, she is a bit more on the ball than dd so may well have noticed what he looked like.

OP posts:
VerySadInside · 30/04/2017 16:00

Why did your 12 year old DD have her breasts out?

And tbh if she couldn't see that this was wrong I would actually question if she should be out unsupervised. She doesn't sound like she'd be able to make safe decisions in certain situations.

WorraLiberty · 30/04/2017 16:02

The OP didn't say her DD's breasts were 'out' Confused

VerySadInside · 30/04/2017 16:03

Also is this some type of comic/computer game/sci-fi convention type thing? Not to generalise but there are quite a few oddballs at things like this and I certainly wouldn't want an under 16 on her own at one, especially if theres only 2 of them. I mean generally everyone is lovely but the odd ones are quite odd, neckbeardy living in the basement types.

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 16:04

She had a fairly low cut top on, she wasn't walked around naked!

OP posts:
WildBelle · 30/04/2017 16:04
  • walking!
OP posts:
WildBelle · 30/04/2017 16:04

And yes, you hit the nail on the head there with the kind of event it was.

OP posts:
VerySadInside · 30/04/2017 16:04

Worra But how is someone taking a photo of them if they are not visible? Either the outfit is very low-cut or skintight? I can't imagine anyone taking a photo of covered up breasts in normal t-shirt.

AnUtterIdiot · 30/04/2017 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peripericardium · 30/04/2017 16:07

I'm being captain hindsight, but there's no way you should have let her go to that type of event alone. Most people who are into cosplay/scifi are lovely, but there is a subset of strange men.

I have seen very inappropriate comments on cosplay photos on sites like Reddit, from paedophile-apologist types.

Your DD should be free to go around dressed however she likes and none of this is her fault. However it is your job to protect her for as long as you can, and that means supervision.

AnUtterIdiot · 30/04/2017 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlowLifeLove · 30/04/2017 16:09

His behaviour is inexcusable and if it was an event in a hotel right next a a shopping centre there will be CCTV. You should follow up on this urgently as you have no idea what these photographs are going to be used for, or where they are going to end up.

Just to add to this part from your post:

'In theory under 16s were meant to have an adult with them'

Under 16s were meant to have an adult with them full stop, there's no in theory about it. You shouldn't have relied on someone at a desk reminding you of your parental responsibilities. She's 12.

SlowLifeLove · 30/04/2017 16:11

You can report here quickly:

www.ceop.police.uk/Ceop-Report/

Or contact 101.

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