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Original poster

Man took picture of dd's breasts

181 replies

WildBelle · 30/04/2017 15:44

Yesterday dd (12) and her friend went to a large event. It was at a hotel right next to a shopping centre. In theory under 16s were meant to have an adult with them, so I was prepared that I might have to stay, but when we got there no one on the desk said anything about them needing an adult with them, and most people there seemed to be under 16 with no adults in their group. Dd1 is at the age where hanging around with her mum is really not cool so she wanted me to go, and dd2 would have been a massive, whinging pain in the arse if we'd stayed so it kind of suited everyone.

So I took dd2 for lunch and a wander around the shops in the shopping centre right next to the hotel. After a couple of hours dd2 phoned to say they'd had enough and wanted to leave, so we walked back over and met them.

On the way home, dd and her friend told me about a man coming up to them when they were at the event and asked to take a picture or dd (she was dressed up as a character and did look pretty cool). She agreed, but instead of using the proper camera he had with him, got his Iphone out and zoomed right in on dd's breasts (she is very blessed in that department), and took a picture. They found it quite funny but I was pretty shocked. He'd given them the impression that he was taking pictures on behalf of the event, although of course he could have just been saying that.

Dd's friend was chatting to another friend they'd met up with at the event last night and apparently this guy had done similar to other girls too.

I am tempted to contact the event about it but don't know what they can do, and they will probably just say that as dd is under 16 she was supposed to have an adult with her. But a grown man going around taking pictures of a 12 year old's cleavage isn't ok is it?

OP posts:
Areyoulocal · 30/04/2017 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ForalltheSaints · 30/04/2017 19:42

The hotel will have CCTV no doubt so could help the police. To whom it should be reported.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2017 19:46

@muckypup - I am 'having a go' at @joannegrady90 because she hasn't read the thread properly, and so what she is saying makes no sense.

She said the OP should have done something at the time - but the OP wasn't with her dd when the incident happened. She said the OP should have gone to look for the man when her dd to,d her about the incident - but her dd didn't tell her u til they were part way home. And she hasn't had the decency to hold her hands up and say that she misread the OP or missed some of the facts.

Original poster
WildBelle · 30/04/2017 19:46

I was just thrilled that she wanted to do something that didn't involve sitting in her bedroom! She was so excited about it for months, trying on her cosplay nearly every day. I really want her to be more independent and have encouraged her to do things like take short journeys on the train by herself, because the bottom line is she lives in this world and she is going to have to learn how to function on some level, and deal with people. The fact that she wanted to go to the con, and had her mates with her, was great, and I thought it would be really good for her independence. I was no more than a 5 minute walk away at all times, she had her phone...I thought she would be fine.

OP posts:
muckypup73 · 30/04/2017 19:56

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius, thanks I haddnt read that bit.

WildBelle, you can dress it up anyway you like, you were wrong to leave her, she is 12 years old, probably funstioning at a mental age lower than that. She wanted to go on the con, does that mean she wanted to so you say yes???

She may have been sitting in her bedroom for months but take places, you cant excuse leaving an autistic child with huge socail problems on her own and why only say now that you were only 5mins away? and not at the beggining because for me that is a very important point that you missed.

From your post today its clear your child is vunerable,do her a favour and just make sure you watch her and if you find out shes got her wires crossed please come back and tell us.

SisterMoonshine · 30/04/2017 19:58

Well I guess the positive is that there's been a bit of a lesson learned about passing yourself off as 16 without too much damage being done.

muckypup73 · 30/04/2017 20:03

SisterMoonshine, totally agree, it could have been a gazzillion times worst.

Original poster
WildBelle · 30/04/2017 20:05

Muckypup - I think you'll find I made it clear in the op that the hotel was attached to the shopping centre, and I spent the time she was there at the shopping centre.

OP posts:
nuttymango · 30/04/2017 20:06

My Ds (18) has been three times and says that a 12 year old shouldn't be there on their own as some of the people there can be intimidating; he first went in a group of ten friends at sixteen. He also said (and I agree) that the man was totally wrong and that your DD was not at all to blame even if she shouldn't have been there on her own, after all you could have just gone to the toilet as you wouldn't have been superglued to her side.

DistanceCall · 30/04/2017 20:07

Go to the police!!

I would rip him a new one if I came across him, to be honest.

muckypup73 · 30/04/2017 20:10

So you were staying in the hotel then? I presumed it was next to the hotel, still she shouldnt have been left alone, how could you do that to a child that has crippling socail anxiety and wont go into a shop alone?

Original poster
WildBelle · 30/04/2017 20:13

No, as I've said a few times now, the shopping centre was next to the hotel. She wanted me to leave her there alone, I didn't just abandon her against her will!

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 30/04/2017 20:18

what are you trying to do to the op muckypup. are you getting kicks out of this Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2017 20:22

@muckypup73 - the OP has already said she realises she was naive to assume that this event would be a safe place for her dd and her dd's friend to go unsupervised.

PossumInAPearTree · 30/04/2017 20:23

muckypup why don't you stop having a go?

These things are ticketed events, with stewards/organisers about never mind the 99% of normal attendees who would probably quite happily jump in if needed to help someone.

It's probably safer than a 12yo going into town on a Saturday monrning shopping with friends and I would say most people would be happy to allow their 12yo to do that.

This 12yo was happy enough to go to this event, she wanted to go! She was with a friend. She coped with everything fine.

The only person to blame for anything here is the possible sleazeball who quite possibly took a photo of her cleavage.

MySqueeHasBeenSeverelyHarshed · 30/04/2017 20:45

Conventions do attract pervy blokes from time to time, but most of them will have a general code of conduct that includes being respectful of the cosplayers. If you can get a general description of the guy, contact the convention organizers and give a report. They'll likely have had more than one complaint and they can get in touch with other conventions to watch out for him. (I've worked for conventions before, generally if the staff are on the ball they're quite safe.)

ConstantCraving · 30/04/2017 20:45

The guy is clearly to blame - not the daughter.
BUT I think an adult should have stayed with her as the OP says 'in theory under 16's were meant to have an adult with them' - this isn't a neuro-typical12 year old, she has ASD, and so is likely to be functioning at a much lower age socially and emotionally.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 30/04/2017 21:18

OP I completely see why this caught you and her off guard. I don't even think it's necessarily about cosplay/comicon- basically at a certain age your 12/13 year old daughter starts going places like to school and back by themselves, into town on the weekend and to events like this and it's hard to see what is more risky about this one than say going into town.

You were five minutes away in the adjoining shopping centre, contactable by phone, she was with friends, she wanted to go off on her own, it is exactly the type of situation I'd also be encouraging my dd to go off into. Unfortunately it sounds like there are real issues at these particular events with dressed up women attracting too much attention, and now you know that you can choose differently perhaps next time.

I take my 13 year old to daytime 'nerdy' events (not comics) and always feel she is safe, I don't even stay, just drop and she hangs out with her friends. I don't perceive them as risky but I think this is a timely warning that actually there is always a huge power inbalance between adults (who know what's going on, organizers, have cameras) and that's something I'll be mindful of.

You were contactable by phone, physically very close by, and you have now contacted the police. Please don't feel bad, we all sometimes misjudge stuff, I'd also say sadly that our young women do end up having to deal with unexpected and odd and sometimes sexual encounters from a young age- my dd has been approached by older boys for her social media contacts when out and didn't know how to handle it. I don't think the solution for her would be to keep her in forever, it sounds like your dd is particularly vulnerable, so ongoing support (but sooo difficult, you can't follow her around all the time) might be needed.

butterfly990 · 30/04/2017 21:26

I attended this convention today with my 13 year old daughter and her 2 friends.

It was very crowded and at times I sat and let them go off to look in the merchandise room, go off to the panel talk room.etc, I think there needs to be a balance between independence and adult supervision.

I want my child to be confident to interact with all sorts of people so don't want to be sitting on her shoulder . My daughter had her friends with her and together they support each other.

I agree that it was the actions of the photographer at fault here. I hope the hotel and convention organisers are able to catch this guy.

Original poster
WildBelle · 30/04/2017 21:46

Thanks for the words of support. It was a tough call to make as I am a lone parent (as in all of the time), am really not well with a chest infection at the moment and also have a slipped disc in my back from coughing so much over the last week, so the thought of fielding dd2 (who is 6 and an absolute menace) at the con where she'd have been really bored was not appealing, so I took her to bankrupt me in Smiggle let off some steam around the shops. If I'd have had anyone at all to leave dd2 with I would have stayed at the con (and taken a book!). Really didn't feel well enough to be out and about yesterday but dd1 had been looking forward to it so much.

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 30/04/2017 22:22

If the guy was simply holding up a phone to take her photograph how did she know he was zooming in on her boobs?

user1493479063 · 30/04/2017 22:31

I use to go to the cinema and i town with friends on my own at 12 so considering she was not alone and you were nearby i think the judgement your getting from others about leaving is over the top.

I was approached by a pervert in a car 200 yards from my house walking to school, you cant mollycoddle your kids until their 18.

However i do think you should take this situation as an opportunity to discuss with your nearly teenager about the risks she may now face as a young women. Its a shitty thing to have to do in 2017 but i would he concerned that she found this funny.

I cant believe that this guy was presumably walking around to young women doing this and no one reported it to the security that would have been present.

cdtaylornats · 01/05/2017 00:58

There were probably dozens of men and women taking pictures of the costumes. That is one reason they have age limits. Most people who wear costumes to things like conventions want them to be seen, photographed and talked about.

Beeziekn33ze · 01/05/2017 01:29

Friends, adults, go to these events and really enjoy them, especially their own and others' costumes. I'll be asking them how much creepiness they've experienced/noticed and what they do about it.
I almost think I might join them sometime just to try and understand what fascinating. I'm not into comics though I have a mild interest in fantasy fiction.
OP hope you can sort this out all right.

faithinthesound · 01/05/2017 06:26

Why did your 12 year old DD have her breasts out? And tbh if she couldn't see that this was wrong I would actually question if she should be out unsupervised. She doesn't sound like she'd be able to make safe decisions in certain situations.

Ladies and gentlemen, less than a page in and the victim blaming begins.

She's TWELVE. Why would she know better? Why should she have to? He was a grown man. He made the choice to behave inappropriately.

Why is it more outrageous for a twelve year old who happens to have breasts to exist in a public space, than it is for a grown man to invade her space and photograph a child's breasts?