To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

[Placeanditspatrons]

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

I'm very sceptical too op and went on family experience. My father's side breast fed until 2, my mothers were bottle fed from the start.My father's side had more allergies and illness whereas children from my mother's side were equally bright and statistically achieved even higher. Both sides were as healthy living into their 90s.

I started bfing but swiftly came to the decision that it wasn't worth the stress,anguish and ill health.My babies and I hated it,all were happier on formula and definitely healthier. Bfing made me miserable and 1 nearly 2 ended up in SCBU malnourished and dehydrated due to it. 13 years on I have 3 bright,slim children thriving at school who have rarely been ill,fight off anything quickly and zero allergies.

I made the right choice and came to the right conclusion. Sometimes in this area we are patronised and lectured so much it seems we aren't expected to make our own parenting choices. This doesn't seem to happen in other far more crucial parenting choices.

OP you should do what suits you best.

Just to add to the anecdotal evidence:

My DC1 was mixed fed and has asthma and multiple (non severe) allergies - but very rarely gets ill as such.

DC2 was EBF and fed until aged 2. No asthma or allergies but will cath all the colds, bugs etc going.

They are both equally not very bright

I bf all mine but only got past 16 months with last child. The pressure to stop bf past first few week in my case from everyone but DH was massive. I thought I did well to get past 12 months. I can say how much effect bf had for each child and I have one with excema and asthma though much more under control than in the past but can not say if it would be worse without bf or if it had no benefit at all for that child. If bf is not working for you any more reduce the feeds and stop. Getting to 16 months is really good.

Studies on bf benefits need to control properly for things like parental wealth, education level etc (as bf-ing mothers are more like to be better off and better educated, so any benefits could be done to this and other things related to this rather than the bf).

I find this problematic. We all know breastfeeding is a middle class activity in the UK, but the UK isn't typical - it's first world, and it has incredibly low breastfeeding rates.

In other countries - developed and developing - women of all classes and sociology-economic levels breastfeed. And in many of these countries, breastfeeding rates are much higher.

Besides, class distinctions aren't anywhere near as rampant in other countries, anyway.

*socio-economic

Noffingidea will you do me a favour? Could you re read your last post and think whether it's actually rather rude to people who choose to bf?

Why?That pretty much sums up life for many breast feeding in the early days. It's shit and doesn't suit many women. The threads I've read where ffers are told to just ride out the cluster feeding torture. Is that not rude then?Just no,it's hell for many and can drive you insane.Thank god we have clean water and sterilising facilities in this country.

I suspect the data on BF vs FF will include babies who are FF with formula made up incorrectly or with dirty water in developing countries etc (though I may be wrong)which will skew results. Also, many babies have to be FF as health conditions mean they can't BF - again those conditions will skew things.

I BF both of mine for years but I have no idea whether they have done better as a result, how could I tell? I certainly couldn't tell which kids in their school classes were BF and which weren't. I think BF is great, but the benefits are so wildly exaggerated it results in mother's feeling guilty for 'poisoning' their children with formula which is clearly ridiculous. If I had another baby I would formula feed tbh - it is such a huge commitment when you already have other children, it's exhausting and the benefits wouldn't outweigh the disadvantages if I had 3 kids to look after on my own. And I was a qualified breastfeeding supporter (forgot what it was called).

I BF all of mine.

My eldest has a life threatening milk allergy. I think this was triggered by a top up feed of formula I gave him in hospital when my milk hadn't come in and he was so hungry. I bitterly regret it now but had no choice at the time, I can still see his hungry wee face. He has had a lot of allergy-related health issues.

Anyway, that's by the by, I just thought I had better drop it in.

DD was BF for 2 and a quarter years. She is never ill. Never. Well not strictly true - she has had a couple of UTI where her wee went orange and stank. She reported no other symptoms whatsoever! No pain/discomfort/temp. I call her The Terminator.

DC3 I BF for 3½ years. When he was your DD's age, he had had every cold going, and I was puzzled as the other two hadn't. The GP said they older ones were passing on the germs from school but they weren't getting colds, it was only DC3! But since about then - practically nothing. I literally think the last time I went to the doctors with him was when he had an ear infection at about 16 months. He is nearly 10 now.

But can I credit breastfeeding for DC2 and DC3's health? I don't know. But I like to think so.

I don't think noeffingidea's post was rude to people who BF.

It's funny that the 10 a day research just sank without a trace,ditto processed meat. I wonder if bfeeding is fixated on so much because breasts are attached to women's bodies.

The difference between us and other counties is diet and lifestyle which have a far bigger impact and can vary hugely on socioeconomic levels here.

I don't think noeffingidea's post was rude to people who BF.

Nor do I. I was told pretty the same by a (non NHS!) midwife. She was stating that some people really don't want to do it and was giving her reasons why.

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. What are your plans for BF now? Do you want to continue a bit longer? You've done so well to BF for so long!

I agree with a PP in that maternal mental health also has to be taken very seriously. I only managed a couple of months of BF, struggled with it massively for different reasons but felt it was the right thing to do so kept persevering. Until one day I just broke down, phoned my HV in floods of tears, and then I realised how much I was struggling and not enjoying my baby because of it, but I knew I'd feel so guilty if I stopped because this is something I had really wanted to do. But I made the decision to move to formula, and after feeling incredibly guilty for a couple of weeks (and googling about relactation in the middle of the night!) I realised I felt so much better myself and was enjoying motherhood so much more. That's just my experience and I really wish it as worked out for me but I'm glad that I realised that I needed to do something.

I'm pregnant again and have been debating what to do this time. In some ways it's easier knowing how hard it can be, rather than learning the hard way the first time round. I think that I'll try to BF for the first week and then see how things are going. If I see myself struggling, I think I'll probably be easier on myself this time round and make the switch to formula and not feel as guilty.

I agree there is a lot of pressure to BF, which can make you feel like a failure when you're struggling. I didn't want to admit to my NCT group when I had stopped, but then it turned out some others had a similar experience and had also stopped and it felt like a huge relief to me!

Well done you for BF for so long.

bertrand I didn't mean it to be rude. Perhaps you could point out where?

Noeffing of course it was rude.

Haha, you can't see why suggesting that breastfeeding is an animal function which humans have evolved beyond might seem a tiny bit rude to people who breastfeed?

The thing is, breastfeeding is an 'animal' ie purely biological function, whereas human life has developed far beyond a purely biological level.
That may have been the part Bertrand found rude. At any rate, it's the part of your post that made me laugh at you quite a lot.

OP, there is no pressure to breastfeed at 16 months. It's rare to be doing it. If it's driving you crazy, just stop. Be happy that you did what you thought was best for your baby and move on. You'll both be fine.

Just think of the money you have saved. Breastfeeding does not provide a guarantee of good health but she could have been worse without that potential boost that you have given her. Also if you had not breastfed, she may have been the same, but you may have ended up beating yourself up and blaming the formula. I think you should be proud of yourself, as you thought this was the best at the time, and all the evidence suggests that it is, on balance healthier. As parents we only do the best that we can as parents given the information available at the time.

sunshine please explain how?
I simply meant that I found the feeling that my whole life revolved around producing milk and feeding very depressing. Not a reflection on anyone else.

I thought the bit about having the sort of personality that likes sitting on the sofa for hours was quite rude/funny as well......

Definitely do what suits you best op but it's never really great to base such a general opinion on anecdotes alone.

That being said, dd who was ff was much weaker, slower to develop and had terrible constipation. She wa in and out of hospital.

Ds who is still bf (1.5 years) is in comparison much quicker (was walking at 9 months) stronger and bigger. Never had an illness yet, touch wood.

all touched out that's simply how I felt. Other people feel differently, and that's fine. Feel free to laugh if you want.

I do have the sort of personality that likes sitting on the sofa for hours and hours! Sadly that only lasts a couple of weeks and now feeding only takes five minutes. Doesn't suit my Neanderthal genes at all.

It sounds like a lot of people in the UK are not given proper support for breastfeeding, which is a shame.

Here in Mexico and other countries where there is widespread poverty, the risk with formula is that people might water it down too much or not be able to boil the water. Frankly there was a long-lasting boycott on Nestle because they promote formula feeding in third world countries.

I'm sure breast-feeding is better but not majorly so that it is worth a mother being inordinately stressed about it. If the mother isn't happy, the baby will suffer much more.