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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

999 replies

Placeanditspatrons · 30/04/2017 07:51

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

OP posts:
OuchBollocks · 30/04/2017 07:54

Health benefits are across the population, rather than individual, level. Also, you don't and can't know whether your daughter might have gotten sick more often on formula. Probably not, but you don't know.

Kerberos · 30/04/2017 07:55

A sample size of 2 isn't statistical significance.

Sorry you've had a rough year with DC1.

neonrainbow · 30/04/2017 07:55

I think maternal mental health is just as important and formula is a perfectly valid choice. If you're driving yourself to a breakdown then really, who is benefiting?

bigbuttons · 30/04/2017 07:56

You can't compare child with child. You don't know if she would have been the same on FF or not.
If you don't want to BF any more don't. I don't see the point poking a wasps' nest here about it here, what are you hoping to achieve? ( genuine question)

CassandraAusten · 30/04/2017 07:57

Yes, it does make a difference in aggregate because, as you say yourself, there are validated studies showing this.

It's not as straightforward as 'one less cold' though. A single example of a breastfed baby could easily be less healthy and more prone to illness than a formula fed baby. From the wording of your post, I think you do understand this really!

It's like the old 'my auntie smoked 40 a day and lived to be 94' type of thing.

It's up to you whether you want to believe the research and/or change your lifestyle. You don't have to breastfeed (or stop smoking or whatever) if you don't want to.

Original poster
Placeanditspatrons · 30/04/2017 07:58

I don't know...I feel a bit cheated I guess. That's why I started the thread. All that pressure put on my by midwives and nurses and myself and it's seemingly made little to no difference.

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 30/04/2017 07:58

I was once told that babies who are poorly alot with non scary illness are building up immunity against nasty things and it stops them being poorly from school age and this has been my experience with all mine (all bfed)

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 30/04/2017 07:58

Why don't you just stop then if you don't believe the science stuff?

MarcelineTheVampire · 30/04/2017 07:59

These threads always end in a bun fight.

As you have acknowledged, your data is anecdotal and science has proved it has more benefits - so I think I will go with science in this one.

Sorry you have had a tough year, perhaps it is time to now give up breastfeeding? It's a two way process- if you really aren't enjoying it (and you sound like you aren't) then for your own sanity I would try and wean.

unicornsIlovethem · 30/04/2017 07:59

On a population basis there are significant and provable benefits. That doesn't mean that they are visible at an individual level.

You don't have to carry on bf now, though, and can decide whether to try for any subsequent children or conclude it is not worth it for you.

claraschu · 30/04/2017 08:00

It's a (fairly) free country, and this is how I interpret that: we can all do what we want, but we don't get to feel self-righteous about it.

Honeybee79 · 30/04/2017 08:00

Your mental health is more important and beneficial to your DC than breastfeeding.

HermioneJeanGranger · 30/04/2017 08:00

You've done amazing to get to 16 months Flowers

But if you want to stop, stop. There's absolutely nothing with choosing another method to feed if you want to.

Sunshineandlaughter · 30/04/2017 08:00

Do you think it's helped you bond with your dd better? I didn't find any difference in health (and my health was worse off for it!) but I felt it gave me a lovely close physical bond with my dd.

TheSparrowhawk · 30/04/2017 08:02

Of course it makes a difference. There is a massive difference between milk that has evolved over thousands of years to be the perfect food for babies, delivered fresh from the baby's mother, and artificial milk made from whey powder and vitamins.

Headofthehive55 · 30/04/2017 08:02

You may not carry those antibodies for those cold virus. There are 2 hundred cold virus.

Mysterycat23 · 30/04/2017 08:03

If DC1 goes to nursery or school they're likely to bring bugs home hence DC2 exposed to more than DC1 would have been. Not clear from your OP which child is DD or DS though.
If it's driving you crazy stop bf, your mental and physical wellbeing is important. You can get support to stop.

sparkleandsunshine · 30/04/2017 08:03

I think you should be giving yourself a big pat on the back for BFing as long as you have, and make your on mind up about whether you want to continue.
I wished I could have breastfed, my milk supply just didn't come in, and I was devastated.
You've done what you've thought best and now, if you want to change, then change!

Ktown · 30/04/2017 08:04

Try not to overthink this! At a population level children breastfed are healthier.
There will be lots of exceptions in both groups.
The main advantage is the antibodies/immunity in the breastmilk that cannot be reproduced in formula. Your child has had 16 months of this and therefore will have benefitted from your milk.
I mix fed and felt guilty too. I have a healthy child and she never takes one day off school for ear infections or other minor childhood illnesses.

Soyamilkisniceintea · 30/04/2017 08:04

Just stop.

aginghippy · 30/04/2017 08:05

The studies describe what happened to a group of children, they don't predict what will happen to any individual child. You don't know if it has made a difference to your dd, because you can't compare her with the bottle fed version of herself.

But if you don't want to breast feed, then don't. At 16 months, surely she is having mostly food and not much milk, anyway.

icklekid · 30/04/2017 08:06

I'm not sure your child's health is the only reason or benefit from breastfeeding though? As others have said if your ready to stop now that's fine. I doubt your child would have been less ill on formula though if that's any reassurance- but probably getting comfort from feeding when I'll?

MrsBobDylan · 30/04/2017 08:07

Why not just stop bf if it is making you miserable? I bf all 3 of mine but my eldest two have had multiple pairs of grommets for glue ear each. My eldest is nine and about to have his 3rd set, despite me not smoking and being bf. He also had the audacityWink to develop type 1 diabetes at four and has another autoimmune disorder possibly developing. However, I really enjoyed bf so it was never all about the health benefits, just what felt right for me.

Spudlet · 30/04/2017 08:08

You can't know for sure, not unless you have a time machine to go and try again with formula.

You have done a great thing, but it's ok to stop now. I did 10 months and I was exhausted with it by the end. You have done heroically. You dont have to carry on. No one will raise an eyebrow if you stop.

Trifleorbust · 30/04/2017 08:08

I think you're right. Breast milk is not a magical elixir that will protect your child against illness. At best, your child will have temporary immunities for longer through your milk and will have fewer digestive issues from off formula. I believe there is also a slightly lower risk of ear infection and respiratory tract infections. Other than that I am convinced of nothing. And I am breastfeeding.