To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

[Placeanditspatrons]

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

The community midwife said that because they discharge mums so quickly from hospital breastfeeding isn't established. So they leave hospital breastfeeding but after a couple of days struggle and switch to formula so the community midwives get it in the neck because they aren't supporting breastfeeding well enough. She said it is unfair because mothers are discharged having only fed the baby once.
We were actually in a lonnnnnngggg time so this doesn't apply to us but I guess that's why the community midwife was keen for me to continue.

OP - obviously it hasn't been for nothing as you have a living baby to look after. Why on earth have you driven yourself nearly to a breakdown over this? What has been so awful about it? Personally, I found breastfeeding considerably less stressful than anything else, as I didn't need to be paranoid about sterilisation and being caught out anywhere without a bottle of milk. If you found it unpleasant and stressful, why are you still doing it? Your baby could be drinking cow's milk by now, she doesn't even have to have baby formula.

OP sorry you have had such a rough time. Unfortunately second born children tend to pick up whatever's going round from their elder sibling and then kindly share it around the rest of the family. First born DC aren't usually introduced to germs quite so early.

I've been where you are. During the winter after our second DC was born, I don't think we went more than a week where one of us didn't have some sort of cold. After a few months we were all run down - I was exhausted - so of course more vulnerable to any bugs looking for a home.

Honestly, it's very unlikely to have anything to do with your preferred feeding method at this stage. You have given your DC the best start that you can, but now it's time to move on.

Stop feeding, and get your own energy back. Eat well, and sleep as well as you can. If possible get some outside air everyday. It will help you and the DC. It will get better.

At 16 months I would stop if you want to. Having said that mine gained massively from bf as they all turned out to have CMPI and would have had to have special formula. They couldn't even have the partly hydrolised formula but the fully broken down version which would have cost £40 for 400g, and they hated it - I saved the NHS a small fortune through bf.

Breastfeeding is undoubtedly better for mother and baby but it is a choice and you can give up at 16 months feeling proud of what you have done and the benefits you have conferred. It's only a very, very small percentage who remain breastfed beyond a year.

Many of the benefits are much longer term - into adulthood- and aren't about stopping children getting coughs and colds or ear infections.

I've had four children and have never felt any pressure to breast feed. I wasn't even asked in hospital with 2 and 3 how I wanted to feed.
DC4 had some blood sugar and jaundice issues after birth. I was totally supported to carry on trying to breast feed him even though it meant he had to go into SCBU.

I do know what you mean by feeling cheated OP. The two I fed longest, have the most minor health problems inc allergies, asthma, eczema, tummy upsets etc. Although they were both born after 36, and before 40 weeks and I beleive there is a correlation there.

Maternal mental health is underrated, unreported and not researched within the context of the overwhelming pressure to breastfeed. But we know how this thread will go.

I tend to think it's going to be extremely difficult to do a high quality study on Brest feeding because there are inevitably many many confounding variables.

Unless you did a proper twin study: one bf one ff then you'd struggle to avoid confounding variables.

E.g - does formula feeding make it easier to go back to work, and therefore compound with the effects of poverty because you can leave your child earlier? Expressing may take time that these people don't have. Or does people's keenness to follow guidelines around bf also confound with their keenness to follow other guidelines, and therefore their children are likely to be healthier. I could carry on postulating for a long time. A lot of studies published are not as high quality as you'd hope and a lot of the time they aren't interpreted as carefully as you'd hope either.

It's in health boards interests to get people to bf because if they get a successful latch etc, you then have fewer risks around eg making it up to the right ratio, correct temperature, correctly sterilising things etc. These are all risks that will magnify negatives about ff when if someone takes care when ffing they can mitigate those risks. They will also act to confound studies trying to compare formula feeding as per its requirements and bf as per its.

I think we all know that breastmilk is better than formula, but the question is HOW much better. I'd love to see some proper, UK statistics.

It's not ok to say it's "better" & use it as a stick to beat women without letting us make informed choices.

Why aren't there any NICE guidelines on BF & FF?

Similar experience to OP. Formula fed DS from 10 weeks and now, at 14, he is physically robust and rarely gets ill, he is one of those children who always get the 100% attendance certificates each term from school. Breast fed DD who is now 10 until she was 13 months, and she gets all and everything and has had just 2 100% attendance certificates throughout her primary career.

breastfeeding is undoubtedly better for mother and baby . Not too sure about the mother part there. Has the mother's mental health been considered?

I think women are so programmed to feel guilty about practically everything. And that goes double when you're a mother. So any suggestion that you should bf when you don't want to or are finding it difficult can feel like pressure. Which does make it difficult for HCPs- what can feel like encouragement if you're leaning towards bf can feel like pressure if you're leaning toward ff. And I also think that there is so much said about how difficult bf is, and how lots of women can't do it that it would be very easy to start in quite a negative mindset. Which doesn't help.

I think breastfeeding is amazing. However, I didnt breastfeed my 3. One was practically always ill, one ill averagely (!) And one was never ill. It WAS better for me though as dh helped a lot with nightfeeds - althiug I hate to think what we spent on formula. You've done amazingly to get this far but do what suits you now.

I found the same with my two when they were younger. My BF baby was ill lots. My formula fed baby was ill but not so much.

Now they are older at school, my BF baby rarely if ever gets ill and my formula fed baby gets ill fairly often.

So my snapshot study of my own children is the same but changes as they get older.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience but the benefits of breastfeeding are based on evidence gathered through research.

If you have found breastfeeding to be overrated in terms of benefits then that is absolutely fine and your personal experience. But that doesn't mean breastfeeding is overrated in general. I personally found breastfeeding to be greatly beneficial so there we have two opposing views but both equally valid in terms of anecdotal experience.

Neither of our experiences override the years of both statistical and empirical research conducted in to breastfeeding.

"Maternal mental health is underrated, unreported and not researched within the context of the overwhelming pressure to breastfeed."

What form does the "overwhelming pressure" take? Could you give some examples? I'm not being an arse here-I just haven't seen it, and would like to know what we're talking about.

Bertrand I think the opposite is true as well. I think women are misled about how difficult breastfeeding can be. I remember reading about how 'convenient' breastfeeding is when in fact it turned out to be the complete opposite.

I think a mothers mental health is far more important than breastfeeding.

OP, I have 2 healthy children raised on formula for various reasons. We where in the 100% attendance club in primary school. I don't remember them being off sick from nursery very often- I did work FT than, so surely would remember!
I do remember dragging them here, there and everywhere as babies, again not something you do with a poorly child.

Health is a very complex thing and depends on much more than just want milk one had as baby.

Are you the woman who is still expressing a million times a day and your dd is really overweight? Sorry if I have confused you with someone else.

It sounds like you've reached the end of the line with it op. But I don't think you should feel like it was pointless.
You have done an amazing thing to have bf all this time. And although your child has been ill this is a normal part of childhood and essential for building up a healthy immune system. As others have said there are long term benefits.
And really, it isn't all about health benefits for baby.
There are health impacts for you too, both long and short term.
Practical issues..no faffing with bottles in the middle of the night.
I think it's truly amazing what your body can do.

I'm going to add, before anyone jumps on me, that I'm saying all this as a support to you. I 100% support women having choices and have no issue at all with FF. We are lucky to have the choice, clean water and easy access to formula.
I do think there is not enough support in some areas and too much pressure to bf. It always should be your choice.
But don't think it was pointless op. Either way baby needed fed. That's what you've done in the way you thought best. But if it isn't working for you now it's OK to say enough.

What form does the "overwhelming pressure" take? Could you give some examples? I'm not being an arse here-I just haven't seen it, and would like to know what we're talking about.

Bertrand - I mean this with all due respect, but I suspect that you are a robust lady, who would be happy to argue with a community midwife or doctor if you felt you were being told something with which you disagreed. I'm definitely like that myself! But what you or I might perceive as a professional/medical conversation might be taken by someone a bit more sensitive/less assertive as a criticism or pressure.

BertrandRussell
what can feel like encouragement if you're leaning towards bf can feel like pressure if you're leaning toward ff
^^
I totally agree with that.

Some time ago now but when I had my DCs all I heard was that bf was easy, no faffing with bottles etc. This felt like a kick in the teeth when I had been unable to establish bfing with any of my DCs.

In the end what I realised was that all my DCs needed was to be fed clean healthy food. For me that was ff.

"But what you or I might perceive as a professional/medical conversation might be taken by someone a bit more sensitive/less assertive as a criticism or pressure"

Yes, I know- I said something similar earlier. But that's what I am trying to find out. Are we in a situation where it is impossible for HCPs to discuss feeding at all without people feeling put under pressure?

Well when I was on my knees with exhaustion and had PND (and still do) and my blood sugars were - and continue to be - erratic due to the fluctuating hormone levels the midwife told me that she could always tell the formula fed babies. She said that having formula was like giving a baby a foreign meal. They might think it was nice at the time but later they'd think 'I shouldn't have eaten that.'
She said formula slows their systems down and they don't develop as quickly.