To think breastfeeding has made no difference to my dd and is massively overrated in terms of benefits?

[Placeanditspatrons]

I've nearly driven myself to a breakdown feeding my dd. She is 16 months now and I'm still feeding. She has been ill more times and worse than my formula fed from four months son. She does not recover any faster and she catches anything I get and gets it worse, despite supppsedly the antibodies passing to her and either preventing or reducing the severity of the illness.

I know it's anecdotal and the studies say overall bf babies are healthier but how much healthier? I mean I we talking one less cold? One less ear injection? Statistically? Many of my friends have said similar. Again anecdotal but I can't help wondering - after the colostrum which is more important I guess - does it really make any noticeable difference?

the midwife told me that she could always tell the formula fed babies. She said that having formula was like giving a baby a foreign meal. They might think it was nice at the time but later they'd think 'I shouldn't have eaten that.' She said formula slows their systems down and they don't develop as quickly.

I think your midwife needs shooting.

In the developed world it should be a personal choice and if you want to stop now, for God's sake, stop!!

Bertrand well yes, different people do feel differently about things like being active, yes. Some people find being inactive depressing.
In any case, it's only something I've read on mumsnet thousands of times. Breastfeeding, at least in the early stages, seems to involve sitting on the settee for hours on end (often eating cake) as if that's a good thing.

And in a cross section of my DC, my DGC and nieces and nephews, if you didn't know which were FF and which BF, their development, health and academic achievement wouldn't tell you.

But that is true. Some women find this really hard. I got told time and again to just "baby moon" " just sit on the sofa and BF whilst everybody does everything else" then you read on here the smug " I loved sitting on the sofa all day and breastfeeding".... You're made to feel weak and selfish for not taking on this approach.

Some of us just can't do it. It drove me to insanity and back. When my toddlers were crying I wanted to be the one sorting them out. I wanted to be doing everything that needed to be done,outside etc. breastfeeding on the go whilst sorting out toddlers,running a house and my own sanity didn't work for me. They didn't thrive. Hours spent on the sofa focused on breastfeeding solely didn't work either it drove me crackers. Both work for other women,my way worked for me.

Getting back to the op I wonder why as much time,energy,money,pressure and professional visits aren't put into weaning at 6 months. The benefits of a healthy lifetime diet are surely far bigger,on a wider scale and for a longer period of time.

It made a difference to my kids!

Humans are also born with an innate immunity - perhaps your DC's isn't very good. Immunity from breastfeeding is acquired.

Hth

So surely then the benefits are overplayed and genetics aren't given enough merit.

But surely you realise if you have an older child who has contact with other children he is bringing lots of germs into the house that wouldn't have been so prevalent when he was a baby as you didn't have a toddler then. Also he may not get ill from the germs as he has a stronger immune system due to increased age and contact and just acts as a carrier of germs which do affect your dd as she is younger and has not built up immunity yet. Your breast milk is helping her to do that better than a formula could, she just comes into contact with more germs as a second DC in comparison to an only child.

OP, I really feel for you. But please stop if it's not working out for you. Far better to make a decision based on what makes sense for you, rather than lay blame on the midwives and HVs for their (silly) advice/pressure while continuing down the miserable route.

Greenginger totally agree. Having a 'babymoon' would have been my idea of hell. Of course our personalities and preferences influence our feelings and sunjective experiences of breastfeeding, same as with everything else in life. Why would breastfeeding be any different.

Silk there are no guarantees at all that breast milk is helping her do better than formula could. My third child was never ill and she had toddler twin siblings who shovelled all manner of crap into their mouths off the floor and went to numerous toddler groups and germ infested preschool.

I know I shouldn't agree as it's just not true on a global scale.

However everyone I met who had a breastfed baby were the ones with the kids who never slept, were fussy eaters, and always snotty.

I tried for three weeks with dd1 and failed miserably sitting on the sofa being chewed to pieces and spending hours sat on my own upstairs trying to feed when everyone else was downstairs being sociable drove me potty. Bf wasn't even an option for dd2 you could not have paid me enough to ever go through it again.

I have two healthy children and no one will be able to tell or care how they were fed.

If there is a dc 3 at any point is not consider bf

Bottles all the way.

Well done for getting to 16m

And anyone who managed to do it deserves a medal you are amazing

Women should be given the tools to make an educated, informed decision for themselves, and the support to implement that choice. Beyond that, there should be no judgement or criticism for their decision, unless that decision is to feed them dog poo or something.

You can't walk into a nursery classroom and point out the kids who were breastfed and the kids who were formula fed. But there are benefits to breastfeeding for the mother and baby. There are also benefits to formula feeding, namely for the mental health of the mother, which cannot be underestimated but is often written off as a "selfish reason" for formula feeding.

Just more support all-around would be great.

You've done brilliantly getting to 16 months OP, please don't feel bad.

noeffingidea

It goes to show that the same thing has completely different effects on different people. I found breastfeeding gave me far more freedom than formula feeding would have. With Dd I spent the early part of my maternity leave sitting in beer gardens of pubs - not on the sofa - it was great.

I remember when Dd was about 6 weeks old (so I was really really still adjusting to motherhood) I went to a music class with her. During the class I got a text from a couple of friends who were off work that day saying "thought we'd go out for lunch - do you two fancy joining us?" The place they were was fairly close to wher Inwas so off I trotted. We ended up spending the entire day out. We had lunch, we walked by the river, we had ice cream, we did a bit of shopping. It was - by far - the best day of mat leave I had had so far. I came home thinking "I can do this" where as up until then I had been thinking "not sure I can do then".

But I only meant to go out for an hour. So presumably had I been formula feeding I probably wouldn't have gone as I wouldn't have had all the stuff needed.

So to me breastfeeding meant freedom. I really feared bottle feeding and being tied down to being near a source of hot water etc. (And I am a real worrier and would have got obsessive about temperatures etc.) (And I'm a lazy sod who would have hated all the extra washing up / sterilising.)

@GreenGinger2 totally agree with you that there is a massive discrepancy in how much emphasis is put on BF and how little time/effort is spent educating and supporting parents in their weaning journey at 6 months. I got given a leaflet by the HV about weaning and that was it, don't have any more planned contact with a HCP until HV visits at 8 months when I'm sure she'll just ask how weaning is going.

mumoftwoyoungkids you're right, people do experience and interpret situations in different ways. It's nice to hear you enjoyed breastfeeding. I'm sure many women do, and I'm happy for them.

My eldest is super fit, and very intelligent, active etc. She was FF.

My middle child is exactly the same, super-fit and intelligent. She has a few more colds, and glue ear, and intestinal polyps. She was BF.

My youngest is also fit but chubbier and was BF.

I also agree the benefits are seen in poorer countries where sanitation levels might not be the same as in more developed countries. BF gave me a lovely bond with my children but FF allowed me to sleep at night and have a weekend off as my ex then fed the baby.

Swings and roundabouts, and I am not at all convinced of the health benefits in the UK.

My bf dc weren't ill until they started going to nursery. The older dc 'brings home' the illness and then most of the family get it.

If you (not aimed at any particular poster, it's generic!) can go into a random class of 5 year olds, or 15 year olds, or an office of 25 year olds, or 30 year olds, or an old folks' home of 85 year olds and 95 year olds, and identify which ones were FF as babies and which were BF, then you might convince me.

Otherwise you have to do your best and not feel guilty.

• do your best to feed your child

You've got to 16 months!! Stop beating yourself up!!

(I too find myself vaguely sceptical about the Breastapo. Just on the basis that women are bullied into it in this country but we have worse health outcomes - obesity etc - than eg France where women are told that it's their choice.)

It is not just about illnesses which might have been fewer/shorter, there is also better brain developpment and long term benefits like reducing risks of obesity and diabete for your child and breastcancer for you. The Lancet has had a series of articles recently that showed that breastfeeding saves lives even in developped countries. Be assured that you have done something fantastic for your DD!!!

Perhaps she will even live longer because of this (a recent study in fishes published in Nature has shown that changing the fishes gut bacteria makes them live longer and we know that breastmilk has lots of positive effects on gut bacteria).

Another recent discovery is that your milk contains molecules that affected your DD's epigenetics, which means you have changed how her genes and DNA is expressed through your breastmilk. I find that fascinating.

The intelligence theory is continuously refuted,obesity has been too( after all lifestyle and long term diet has a far bigger impact),we're not fishes and genes have a massive impact on life length .....

To be fair, the benefits of bf are very widely accepted as fact and very well proven. I think you've either just been very unlucky or on formula your daughter would have been more and more poorly.

OP I've just realised who you are and I just wanted to say I think of you from time to time and hope you've started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I suspect not, yet. But I will be keeping an eye out for you and hoping.