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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do i really need his permission?

117 replies

ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:36

split up with abusive ex back in january. want to take my children on holiday in june do i really need his permission?

we werent married, he is on the birth certificate.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 28/04/2017 15:39

No, you don't need his permission to take children on holiday, not in this universe or any other, not legally, morally, emotionally or in any other way.
Well flipping done for splitting up with him. Flowers
Try not to take any shit. Just keep getting stronger.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 15:42

No, you don't need his permission to take children on holiday, not in this universe or any other, not legally, morally, emotionally or in any other way.

Sorry but that is technically incorrect. If you are going abroad you do technically need permission if he has PR.

Wineandrosesagain · 28/04/2017 15:42

Do you and your children have the same surname? If you're planning to holiday abroad and your passports have different surnames you may need to take some other proof of your relationship.

Original poster
ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:42

im jist nervous about not being allowed to go once at the airport!

will he need to sign their passport forms?

theres a restraining order in place so i dpnt really want to have to use the solicitor to ask permission for a holiday that he will never ever agree to just to spite me!

OP posts:
Original poster
ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:43

no we dont have the same surname, i do have their birth certificates

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 28/04/2017 15:44

You technically need permission, as border control may stop you if you have different surnames and appear to be a lone parent.

ConfusedLlama · 28/04/2017 15:45

Nope, you don't need his permission. Only suggestion is if DCs have Ex's surname take their birth certificates with you if you're going abroad. You may not need it but it doesn't hurt to take it incase your questioned on it.

When myself, DP and DD went to France we were asked for it as we all have different surnames.

If he's telling you you need permission, he's wrong. Don't listen to him and enjoy your holiday with your DCs. Flowers

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 15:45

You need to speak to your solicitor. Especially if you have different surnames. You may need a letter from him to say he has given you permission.

ems137 · 28/04/2017 15:45

Technically you need his permission but I've never been asked anything beyond "who's are these children" (different surname) at passport control. They never asked about parents permission and my dad wasn't asked when he took my daughter abroad last year.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 15:46

If he's telling you you need permission, he's wrong.

Unfortunately he really isn't.

OP see your solicitor.

alltouchedout · 28/04/2017 15:47

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad:

"You must get the permission of everyone with parental responsibility for a child or from a court before taking the child abroad.
Taking a child abroad without permission is child abduction.

You automatically have parental responsibility if you’re the child’s mother, but you still need the permission of anyone else with parental responsibility before you take the child abroad.

You can take a child abroad for 28 days without getting permission if a child arrangement order says the child must live with you, unless a court order says you can’t."

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 28/04/2017 15:48

You can take it to court so you don't have to go through your ex - it's very likely they'll allow you to take them out of the country, but the snag is that you'll have to apply to the court every single time you want to take them on holiday.

Ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2017 15:49

What's to stop someone from faking a letter of consent??

Original poster
ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:49

bollocks

"hi ex, i know i got you arrested and a criminal record and have had to refuse you access for the last three months, but would you mind signing to let me take our kids away?"

yeah that will go well

OP posts:
Original poster
ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:50

i cant afford court, we are only going on holiday as my nan is paying for a birthday treat for me after a crappy few months

OP posts:
ConfusedLlama · 28/04/2017 15:50

Ah, I just looked it up. I didn't get permission from Ex to take DD on holiday but apparently i should have.

You can apply to get permission from the courts to take your DCs on holiday.

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

As for the passports if I remember correctly I had to put Ex's parents details in, as well as his. I can't remember if I had to get him to sign it however, he was fine about getting her a Passport.

Catsick36 · 28/04/2017 15:51

Daughters dad is on the birth certificate. She's never met him. I've never asked permission to take her abroad or sign passports.

MrsTeller · 28/04/2017 15:51

My understanding is that if you don't have a child arrangement order, you do need permission.

I've always taken a letter (even though we have the same name) I've never been asked for it but DD has been questioned about who she's travelling with. I suspect this is because she's an older child.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/04/2017 15:51

I'm so surprised - this government advice is clearly not applied very well at airports, my Ex nor I have never been asked to provide evidence that the other one is ok about taking DD out of the country!

Lovelilies · 28/04/2017 15:54

I've never had permission from DD1s dad to go abroad but we have the same surname.

I've never taken DC2&3 away without their dad. ExP has taken DS away without me, he has double barrelled myname-hisname.
He wasn't questioned (and didn't have a letter or BC).

requestingsunshine · 28/04/2017 15:56

I have taken my dc abroad a few times and have never been asked for proof of permission from their father. I have never had to show their birth certificates on the way out of the country, But have always had to show them when we were coming back in, at UK passport control once landed not the country we were leaving Confused

They have a different surname to me. Where were you thinking of going? Maybe some country destinations flag up this more than others? For example if you going to spain or France, not an issue but if you wanted to go to Syria or Iran, they might question if you have permission to take the kids. But, i'm just guessing here.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/04/2017 15:57

I think it's unlikely you'll be asked for evidence if you're a mother with return flights booked within 2-3 weeks of departure. I'd probably just risk it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 28/04/2017 16:00

It doesn't sound as if OP's ex has any parental responsibility though? There is a restraining order and he doesn't have custody of the children or see them.

I would not ask permission. He's bound to refuse just out of spite.
Take the birth certificates and passports and have a great time. No one at the airport will accuse you of abduction.
It sounds as though you could do with a holiday.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 16:05

It doesn't sound as if OP's ex has any parental responsibility though? There is a restraining order and he doesn't have custody of the children or see them.

Unless it has been taken off him by the courts (which is actually rare) then he does.

I know of three people who have recently been asked for proof of permission.

LeftoverCrabsticks · 28/04/2017 16:08

I've been asked twice (married, but kept maiden name) - which is so far every time I've gone abroad without DH.

Weirdly they don't ask on the way out, only on the way back in. WHY!!!!

I have a letter from DH and a photo of the birth and wedding certificates on my phone, but the last time I came back the officer said I really should have the originals on me :-/

The other time they actually interrogated my then nine year old, asking her what we'd been doing that day and who I was to her ("mummy", obviously!) DD being borderline autistic began a detailed minute by minute itinerary from the moment we got up that morning which was fortunately abruptly truncated Grin by the otherwise quite friendly officer!

If I hadn't read about it on here it would never have occurred to me to take a letter but I'm glad I did. I just didn't expect the interrogation when returning to the UK, as nobody has ever said anything on the way out!

Good luck OP, it sounds like a horrendous situation.

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