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AIBU?

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Original poster

do i really need his permission?

117 replies

ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:36

split up with abusive ex back in january. want to take my children on holiday in june do i really need his permission?

we werent married, he is on the birth certificate.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohdeaeyme · 29/04/2017 21:14

i just find it sad that I can't just show their birth certificates, show the restraining order to explain where he is and show my return flight details and that be accepted.

feels like just another thing i have to sort of hope he isnt going to kick up a stink over

OP posts:
HappenedForAReisling · 29/04/2017 21:31

I've been asked twice, once entering Germany and the other time entering Canada.

When entering Canada I was told I should have been carrying a letter of permission from my husband (and have every time since). I told them DH and MiL was waiting for me in arrivals if they wanted to check and I was allowed to continue.

PR didn't come into it. My DH is not DD's biological father; DD's bio father IS on her BC; we were not married, and he does not have PR because she was born and registered before 2003.
I really don't think me arguing that I was the only parent with PR would have made an ounce of difference, so don't assume coming back into the UK is the only issue.

grannytomine · 29/04/2017 21:36

Exactly what ArtemisiaGentilleschi said.

ohdeaeyme, it is a bit of a nuisance but how would you feel if your ex picked your little one up from nursery and later in the day phoned you from another country to tell you that you would never see your child again? Pretty well what happened to my sister.

I honestly think it is worth a bit of inconvenience to keep all children safe.

seesensepeople · 01/05/2017 22:54

Oh do fuck off Artemisia:
"And it is not just separated parents or children with different surnames, it's any child travelling with one parent."
I don't have another parent to produce - that's not an anecdote.

Ferrisday · 01/05/2017 22:58

Me neither seesense

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 02/05/2017 21:09

Then it clearly doesn't apply to you and there is no need for the aggression.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 02/05/2017 21:11

I was (as I said) referring to the "I've never been stopped" posters, not the posters like yourself who clearly can't produce a letter.

Lagirafe · 02/05/2017 21:13

Although well meaning I'm sure there is some very incorrect info on this thread.
OP please confirm with your solicitor before trying to take your children abroad.
I am in a similar situation and have been advised I cannot take my DC abroad without their father's permission as he has PR.

maplepixie · 02/05/2017 21:15

It depends where you go. In Canada their law requires a permission letter and I got asked for it upon arrival in Toronto. Going the America this month. Apparently noone gets asked. But got one anyway to be on safe side. Least I want is sitting in immigration for God knows how long. Ex is also and ass and at first makes out he's going to refuse.Hmm But writes one in the end.

maplepixie · 02/05/2017 21:15

Going to*

malibuthru · 02/05/2017 21:54

I've been stopped a few times with my DD. I now travel with her birth certificate and that's been fine.

They always ask her who I am, etc and it's always on the way back into the country.

My mum had taken her abroad and I write a letter of consent and she takes her birth certificate. The letter has only ever been signed by me and that's always been enough.

Charley50 · 02/05/2017 22:15

Where are you going op? I imagine that some countries are more at risk of child abductiond than others.
I've been abroad loads of times with my DS. Have a couple of times been asked for his birth certificate on re-entering UK, but never for a letter.
Unless you're going to a high risk country I think some people are scare mongering, even if legally they're correct.

Ava7Susan · 14/08/2017 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

eubyru · 14/08/2017 08:06

**Op you will not be asked for permission to let your children travel in an airport. Your worrying about this too much.

Bring their birth certificate and if questioned just say their father hasn't seen them since your youngest was born and isn't in their life end of story.

If you start showing them restraining orders then you are going to make them question you more, the less you say and simpler the better for you.

It's not a big deal. Just don't say anything to anyone about the holiday and go.

BouleBaker · 14/08/2017 08:22

Zombie thread.

Brittbugs80 · 14/08/2017 08:53

I left my ex off my son's passport. I sent the application on the Monday and we had his passport by the Thursday.

You need his permission if you are taking your child out of the country for longer than a month. Otherwise you just have to let him know you are going on holiday and dates you are returning.

I took birth certificate on holiday but they never asked to look at them and we had different surnames at the time.

Brittbugs80 · 14/08/2017 09:01

Theoretically then, if you follow the law and attempt to get permission from an abusive ex when going abroad, he could refuse everytime.

So you'd never be able to have a holiday abroad with your children. That seems so unfair

No. You need permission if you are holidaying for more than 28 days. Anything below is a courtesy we are going on this date and returning on this date. Any refusal isn't just Dad saying no and passport control saying sorry we can't let you fly, it would have to go to Court for the Judge to decide.

At least that's what my Solicitor advised though in other posts on this subject I've been accused of lying and making it up and had private messages off other users wanting to see copies of my paperwork proving this!

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