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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

do i really need his permission?

117 replies

ohdeaeyme · 28/04/2017 15:36

split up with abusive ex back in january. want to take my children on holiday in june do i really need his permission?

we werent married, he is on the birth certificate.

OP posts:

Bob0117 · 28/04/2017 16:09

Technically, you do need permission.

Without it, in the eyes of the law the other parent with parental responsibility could report you for kidnap.
When querying varying names on travel documents the airport staff are policing child trafficking in general, not an individual families circumstance

Magnoliafive · 28/04/2017 16:11

Yes, just take the birth certs and there shouldn't be any problem. My friend has a separate surname from her children and when she brought them to Italy they were taken aside and asked "do you know that lady?" Which was obviously dreadful.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 16:13

Yes, just take the birth certs and there shouldn't be any problem.

Yes there could still be a problem.

You really do need legal advice op.

grannytomine · 28/04/2017 16:13

Be more dreadful if they were abducted.

lizzyj4 · 28/04/2017 16:13

I was reading another thread about this yesterday. There was a really useful link in it, but I can't find it now. Maybe someone else has the link?

It seems that a lot of people do go through passport control with no problem but some people have trouble and it can be very upsetting for both parent and children. So the advice is to make sure you have all of the required paperwork just in case, especially if your children have a different surname.

It doesn't seem to be dependent on where you are travelling to. One poster said she had no trouble going out but was stopped when coming back into the UK!

grannytomine · 28/04/2017 16:14

My sisters children were taken abroad by her ex and she didn't see them again for years. I wish someone had bloody well checked if he had her permission to take them away.

JustAKitten · 28/04/2017 16:15

What happens if the mother is the only one with PR?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2017 16:18

I have been asked. And I presented a letter which had been notarized.

More likely to be stopped in my case because DD has a different name and nationality to me.

But they do stop people.

Mama1980 · 28/04/2017 16:19

Technically you do need permission I'm afraid.
For the first time ever I was stopped at the airport (I'm a single mum of 4 they do all have my surname but we don't all have the same skin tone) and asked but as I always carry my children's birth certificates anyway when travelling to prove I am the only one with PR it was fine. Once they'd checked the birth Certs briefly there was no issue but they did say they are being asked to check more regularly.
With a return flight I might risk it in your position but technically they can refuse you without his consent.

Itsanothernamechange · 28/04/2017 16:25

My situation was the same as yours. I had/have a restraining order against ds's dad. All I've done is take the birth cert with me. YOU WILL NEED THAT. Everytime I've flew noone battered an eyelid outbound but always got stopped at passport control on the way back. They just ask for the birth cert and wave you through. As for signing passport application we got round that by using the grandparents option. Pm me if you want.

Nutterfly · 28/04/2017 16:26

It also depends where you go. Travelling to South Africa requires parental consent on both sides if both parents on the birth certificate. You've got to get an official affidavit from the other parent.

justkeeponsmiling · 28/04/2017 16:26

My ex took me to court because he claimed that I had taken DD abroad without his permission. He wanted all sorts of ridiculous things put in place, like being made the official passport holder as she was "at risk of obduction". It was utter madness, especially as I could prove that he HAD known we were going. In the end he got told off by the judge, and his solicitor got a warning because he didn't advise him that his claim was ridiculous. But I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't been able to prove my case.
Cost us a fortune in solicitors fees and almost a year of heartache and stress though, while he got his solicitor free as he wasn't working at the time. Ex is obviously a total cuntbag but at least he has mostly left us alone since then.

Mama1980 · 28/04/2017 16:28

JustAKitten- that's fine so long as the mother can prove she is the only one with valid PR so either a birth cert with no father named or a notarised/court letter.

ThatsNotMyMummy · 28/04/2017 16:28

Ive always wondered how they check the validity of the letters

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 16:30

They just ask for the birth cert and wave you through.

No they don't always just do that as pp have said.

Itsanothernamechange · 28/04/2017 16:32

Also exp has PR and never once and I get stopped every damn time I fly due to ds having a different surname and nationality (me white British dad him British asain) have they questioned if exp has given permission.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 28/04/2017 16:32

I've never even thought of this. DD has a different surname to me (her dad's) and I've taken her abroad a few times and never even been questioned about it! I mean, he would give permission if need be, we're on good terms, but it didn't even cross my mind! Maybe speak to CAB and see what they say? There may be a way around it

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 16:35

Maybe speak to CAB and see what they say?

CAB would signpost OP to the law which is the link given earlier, I would imagine

Morgani97 · 28/04/2017 16:35

I have taken my dd out of the country for the last 9 years she is 13 now,she has a different surname to me never had any problems other than being asked what our relationship was.

lalalalyra · 28/04/2017 16:38

Does your ex have PR? I know you said he is on the birth certificates, but I don't see any mention of the age of your children.

HorridHenryrule · 28/04/2017 16:38

Will your nan look after the kids so you can go away?

You have to action things very quickly or you will have to leave them with your nan. I hope she hasn't paid for the tickets yet. I hope you feel better soon and put the mess behind you.

GrimmDays · 28/04/2017 16:39

As a pp already linked you do need permission in most cases. As he is on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility.

You mention a restraining order. Do you have any kind of court documentation that says he is not allowed access due to this? If you have something like that in place I imagine it may fall under this clause "You can take a child abroad for 28 days without getting permission if a child arrangement order says the child must live with you"

GrimmDays · 28/04/2017 16:40

You may get lucky and waved through easily or you may get stopped. If you go without permission it is a risk.

usernumbernine · 28/04/2017 16:41

Is access organised through the court in a child arrangement order?

If it is, you don't need permission for up to 28 days iirc.

If there is no court order, then technically you need his permission and the first reply on here is wrong.

Whether you'd be stopped is another question, but technically yes you need permission.

HorridHenryrule · 28/04/2017 16:41

Ring the passport office and tell them your situation they may be able to advise you.

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