Why do teachers favour certain kids so obviously?

[Zhan]

Just thinking back to when I was at school - primary especially and it was always the same kids that got a decent shot at stuff.

School plays it was always the same 3 kids that got the main parts every single year despite other kids (myself included) desperately wanting a go at being in the limelight. PE, again the same kids getting chosen as captains every single lesson. Music - the school had a limited number of decent instruments - guess who got the guitar/drums/keyboards EVERY lesson and guess who got the fucking triangle.

I know it's natural to have favourites but to make it so obvious and so unfair to the "less popular" kids who also want a shot at the good stuff???

Seems like not much had changed when my kids started school. The same kids getting the good parts in the plays, the same kids getting to play the decent instruments and the same kids getting chosen to "edit" the school mag. The same kids winning Easter competitions, the same kids winning "pupil of the month" etc etc ....

Who do they do it?

I feel quite bitter about my school experience and am disappointed to see that nothing has changed 20 years later.

Can any teachers shed any light?

At Secondary they don't bother with merits or certificates so much. So all in all, at Secondary it's much better actually.

If only this were true.

Unfortunately by the time secondary school start you will have lots of children who are no longer prepared to put their hand up for anything believing there is no point. The lesson has been learnt and the pattern has been set.
At the other end you will also have the privileged "favourites " who will put themselves forward for everything even if they know others are better placed because they now have plenty of self esteem and think that the people who make the decisions believe in them. Fairness is unlikely to be in their vocabulary.
The best thing you can teach your child is to do their own thing and know their own self worth

Thankfully my dc primary had a 'pull names out of the hat' system for jobs/roles so no obvious favouritism but I remember in my primary school the same girl was adored from nursery through to Y6. She was very pretty with blonde hair/blue eyes and all of the teachers just loved her. She would use that to her advantage and pretend she was scared so that she could always hold the teacher's hand at home time, meaning that the designated line leader never got to lead. Saw her on FB recently and she is very ordinary looking so clearly can not pull that one anymore.

We also had a few teachers children in the school who were always main parts in the play.

I sometimes wonder if ours was the only primary school in the UK where the children who got the main parts in plays were actually genuinely talented? (and no, they weren't mine, either)

I agree sluj about teaching your dc about their own self-worth. A healthy amount of self-esteem coupled with a dose of healthy cynicism is the best antidote to teachers and their favourites.

Forgot to say that in my dc's secondary school the children who went to the prep are always put forward for things. Any school event where the HT attends these parents are literally swarmed around her and the HT does not even so much as smile or acknowledge the other parents' presence. Oh yes and the school send out "emergency" texts such as "We desperately need a new canoe priced at £5k, anyone willing to donate this amount ASAP contact the HT". Sure as the Pope is catholic the child of the donor will not only have his/her name emblazoned on the side of the canoe but will also receive preferential treatment for the next six months. 99% of the time the donors are from The Chosen Ones (went to Prep) DD told me that a girl (who was from Prep) punched another girl and was suspended, however the suspension was dated for over the easter holidays, so she wasn't actually suspended she was skiing in Swiss Alps

What a depressing thread. Very happy I'm not a primary teacher. I honestly don't have time for this favouritism nonsense. I'm in at 7.30, like most staff at my school and it's literally non-stop til 5pm. In class, I am scrupulous about who is chosen for jobs/answers. I spent a long time gently 'training' a child out of his constant 'What about me?' cry in his class of 30.

My school has enormous amounts of clubs/extra-curricular and ten categories for rewarding eg enthusiasm. A child might be weak at something, but if he or she is enthusiastic, then rewards are still given. Children who volunteer will inevitably be noticed more. The quietest girl in my form plays piano in assembly sometimes and is rewarded. Students who don't volunteer can't be praised, so points are awarded for good uniform, attendance and signed diaries plus we ensure the quiet ones are asked for answers/given responsibilities.

I've phoned parents and voiced concerns about children being alone every break then asked the established groups to take a quiet child with them. I'm really glad to see Pete and 'Angie' are now part of the established groups (Year 7)

she won every single time for the 2 years we were taught by Mrs Fucking Harris.

I ask the teacher next door or a child from a different year group to pick the best creative home works. I remember similar from my primary days, the teacher going down the register awarding points for performance in PE. Her clear favourite was Lucy. Lucy got points. Shame Lucy wasn't in that day!

In my school the governors' and PTA members' kids got heavily preferential treatment. The school wanted to keep them happy.

At Secondary they don't bother with merits or certificates so much. So all in all, at Secondary it's much better actually.

That really isn't true.

PigletWasPoohsFriend - well if your primary school is a large school with 60 odd pupils per year, a high achieving primary and a feeder school for a particular secondary school as ours was with 90 odd percent of kids from that school moving up to said secondary school. I know this is the case because we were told by the secondary school that they had strong links with our primary school and they would be advised about friendship groups by the primary school teachers. Our primary school teachers told us the same and guess what it happened the popular kids were in classes surrounded by a number of their equally popular peers. They all walked to school in big groups with swagger whereas the quieter kids who never made a fuss got on with things and with less prima Donna mums were shoved in a class with one or two others regardless of abilities or friendships. So yes I know it happened as I was told it was going to happen, it happened and I saw it happen PigletWasPoohsFriend.

that they had strong links with our primary school and they would be advised about friendship groups by the primary school teachers

Key word there is advised

Schools do give information. Sometimes they act on it sometimes they don't!

We dont do all this "youre the best this week" stuff at secondary. All secondaries I've worked in staff put positive points/Merits straight onto the computer system linked to the register. Equally all negative points/behaviour go on there. At the end of the term or half term certificates are given via tutors based on points. It's worked out as positive points - negative points. Any child above certain thresholds get a certificate. It's 3 times a year and quiet children who get on and do well don't get left out.

On friendship groups, our primary liason staff get information about the children coming up. To be honest priority goes to keeping children apart who have a bullying history and the making sure that each tutor group is mixed in terms of boys/girls, spreading out those who have a 1-1 TA, range of feeders, mixed ability, no class with a lot of challenging children etc. When you're taking in 250-270 kids from 10 schools squabbles over who played together at primary doesn't come into it

My friends child gets picked a lot. She is a safe bet and never crud nor complains and is clever.
I guess they aren't going to pick a child who may crack under the pressure.

The kids who have teachers as parents always got picked at the school my sons went to. It got to the point it wasn't worth expressing an interest in parts in plays and assemblies - the parts were given to the same people. It was so bad the seats at the front of the hall were always reserved for the same parents! And I did help at school things with costumes, baking, face painting etc and that gave my sons no good parts! Sometimes we have to suck up the fact that people just behave this way!

One of my children got picked a lot at primary; probably because he's easygoing (at school, not at home!) , bright, reliable and quite funny. But it didn't necessarily do him any favours as it was quite a shock to be swimming around in a much bigger pool at secondary school. I actually refused to let him do the primary school play (he's not that interested in drama, more sports) despite the teacher suggesting it because I knew he'd get a main part and didn't think it was fair on those that really love acting.

My elder one had a different problem in that he didn't get picked for anything. Even at parents' evening they didn't really have much to say about him. It's taken years to build up his confidence. But finally at this year's parents evening one of his teachers said he was a pleasure to teach. I was delighted for him to finally get some recognition.

What I'm saying is it doesn't seem fair to not treat people equally at school. Some of those unconfident children at school are also those who are overlooked at home. Seriously I got really sick of seeing the same faces being picked for everything - even if it was my child! Yes I know the real world doesn't treat people fairly but that doesn't seem an argument to kick it off when they're so young.

'Rewards don't work in terms of behaviour anyway, there've been lots of studies. But if done properly I think it can be nice to give some kids a positive thing from school, especially when a lot of their interactions with school are not positive. We have to do a certificate every week. It has zero effect on behaviour, and no matter who gets it the others all complain how unfair it is!'

Still reading through the thread, but agree with the above regarding rewards & am bit bewildered by these seemingly constant rewards and awards at schools for everything going. I don't think they're beneficial.

Pooh - well they obviously acted on this advice the because 3 of the most confident and mouthy girls from two of DD's primary school class were merged with three similar girls from the other class to form a group of 6 girls from the same primary in the same school at Secondary. I see them all walking to school taking up the whole path cheap looking handbags on arms, long hair and big attitudes.

Brighteyes27
Give it a year and they'll end up separated into separate groups because there's been some falling out within the group or some bullying behaviour where they've been awful to other kids.

And dare I day it, if their parents are the type to meddle in friendship arrangements then they'll probably end up being the parents who call up school to update us every time there's a falling out and wanting seating plans changing because "they feel so self conscious now they're on the edge of the group". Whereas that kind of thing flies in some primaries at most secondaries that gets a "oh here we go" inner eye roll as they become 'those parents/girls'.

(Mind you. Even when those kind of groups form from kids from separate schools they tend to attract drama and problems.)

A boy in my friend's son's class was like this, a good looking charming boy to the teachers but a pompous and bullying asshole to more than half the class.

Chosen for everything because of his smile and impeccable manners. Favoured by both parents over his younger sister to the point where they'd both go to any events involving him and neither would go to his anything his younger sister was involved in.

He went to high school and the teachers saw through him completely and he isn't the golden boy anymore. My friend tries not to look pleased but, given how horrible he was to her son, she struggles...

It's life though isn't it. Some people are higher achievers than others. This is perhaps why it seems some students are having more opportunities. Maybe they're putting themselves our there more. It happens in the workplace too.

It's healthy competition and it forced me to cone out of my shell more as a shy child so I didn't miss out.

Its not about achieving, its about shitty behaviour of some teachers.
On the other hand, parents are overthinking this. Its just a primary school time-waster. Nobody in RL gives a shiny shit if you were Mary. If you want your child to actually achieve, take them to drama/singing/sports somewhere externally.

I remember when I was at primary school, my year 5 teacher used to go to this girls house for tea and cake all the time - this girl was then her favourite in class

Hmm. As pp have said, as a teacher you are damned if you do and if you don't too.

Parents want their schools to have success in sports/debating etc. Because it reflects well on the school. But if you put the kids in for the teams that are not the best your school will not do well. DS' school fielded a team of keen but not very good footballers recently in a match against another school (my DS included). They got absolutely thrashed 6-0 and were upset afterwards-the opposition hadn't made the same choice in picking their own team!

I try my very hardest to include every one of my pupils. But the opportunities for them to perform in what they enjoy or are good at just don't always present themselves. And frankly, they may well present themselves less now with school funding the way it is.

My own DC are the 'never picked'. Luckily for me they have interests outside school that are easily followed around their school and my own work time.

My daughter was never picked for anything and Head was amazed when she was elected as Chair of the school council. She wasn't one of the "popular" kids but apparently did a brilliant speech. The Head didn't hide his surprise and her joy at winning was a bit dimmed by his attitude.

I do remember one year, she would have been 9 or 10, and was in the dance chorus. They were shown the dance and told the team leaders would be girls who had passed a certain exam, she hadn't done the exam but went up to the teacher, who was renowned for being scary, and said I can do that. The teacher said no as she hadn't passed the exam. My DD insisted she could do it and she wanted the chance. Teacher grudgingly said she would give her a go but she had one chance to show she could do it and then someone else would get the job. DD did it and ended up not only leading her team but leading the whole dance routine (hard to explain it but various groups dancing coming together in certain formation). Her bravest moment at primary school and her costume is still hanging in her wardrobe 15 years later.

I have three boys blessed with clear, loud voices. They probably have been picked more than other children for bigger parts in plays but you can always hear them. Also, a couple of times they've got main parts accidentally because of other children's illnesses- they seem to know everyone else's lines.