Why do teachers favour certain kids so obviously?

[Zhan]

Just thinking back to when I was at school - primary especially and it was always the same kids that got a decent shot at stuff.

School plays it was always the same 3 kids that got the main parts every single year despite other kids (myself included) desperately wanting a go at being in the limelight. PE, again the same kids getting chosen as captains every single lesson. Music - the school had a limited number of decent instruments - guess who got the guitar/drums/keyboards EVERY lesson and guess who got the fucking triangle.

I know it's natural to have favourites but to make it so obvious and so unfair to the "less popular" kids who also want a shot at the good stuff???

Seems like not much had changed when my kids started school. The same kids getting the good parts in the plays, the same kids getting to play the decent instruments and the same kids getting chosen to "edit" the school mag. The same kids winning Easter competitions, the same kids winning "pupil of the month" etc etc ....

Who do they do it?

I feel quite bitter about my school experience and am disappointed to see that nothing has changed 20 years later.

Can any teachers shed any light?

Teachers can make such a difference. Second year in secondary school, teacher gave us all a number and kept a tin on her desk with poker chips with those numbers. It felt very dangerous at the time (!). Anytime anything needed doing, from a question answered to a job, she would pick a chip from the tin and that would be it. It was my favourite class ever.

Of course, there were some that might have benefitted from a more adjusted regime, but i loved the absolute unbiased nature if it, still do.

My kid's primary school is terrible for this and has been for years. I am now on my last child there and I am trying to be more forgiving to the teachers about it. Perhaps they chose kids for things that they know will take little effort to motivate....whereras my child might need a little more egging on and encouragement. They are so blatent about their favourtism though. So much so that when my child says 'Guess which children were picked to meet the local MP'. I can tell him and he thinks I have superpowers. Also they have started employing pupil's parents as teachers and they always get chosen for everything and get the end of term prizes. They could at least be a little more subtle.

School plays - every child has a speaking part. The children are asked who would like a bigger role speaking/ singing solo etc then those that volunteer are given those parts. I had one child who did not manage to learn her one line for the school play and another who refused to go on stage on the night - should I have given them the lead role?
School council - children have a secret ballot for who they want to represent them. Usually they choose the best children for the job.
Star of the week / headteachers awards - given to each child in rotation (but some parents complain about that too)
That child who throws chairs, screams and bites (funnily enough the parents always have the same list of misdemenours), would you like him/ her publicly hanged in the school hall? Moan about them to all the other parents? I had a parent last year who constantly complained about an autistic child having more housepoints than her son even though said child was throwing furniture, screaming and biting (he wasn't). Really? Can she not just be grateful that her son doesn't have autism and is doing well at school without the need for reward charts?

I think when its a very difficult child being picked (not for main parts in plays but for positions of responsibility such as classroom monitor) its often an attempt to "catch them being good" and find a way to try to give a child who gets a lot of negative attention some positive attention and self respect for being good and responsible. Trying to create anew self fulfilling prophecy for that child and a reason to behave well instead of seeing themself as good at being naughty and negative attention being the only attention worth trying to get...

The same child cast in plays and given sports captain roles etc. probably is the safe pair of hands.

I think that sometimes what looks like favouritism is favouritism, but more often there is another motivation, whether laziness or desperation or fire-fighting behaviour management.

When I was teaching I don't think I had favourites but I did know which kids could be relied upon in each class after a fairly short time, and it was tempting to over rely on them when juggling a lot of disparate tasks and demands, and there were the odd few kids I disliked (in this case overcompensating to hide this is an issue) or who had difficult parents who I wouldn't have wanted to have extra contact with...

As always it takes an amazing teacher to genuinely be fair everyone and involve everyone absolutely equally in everything - in a class of 30 its a rare teacher (or human being) indeed who can achieve that without everything crashing down around them.

I remember in my son's class there was a girl that was always picked out as being such a fantastic reader and so far in front that she had to do her reading in the classes above. Was at a meeting at school once when the children would be about 9 and this girl had been brought along (no childcare I think) and she was sitting reading quietly and I couldn't believe that the book she was reading was at such a low level. I appreciate that it might have been a favourite and not necessarily reflective of her ability. Anyway, crowing about this girl and her reading went for a couple more years and then the class were all externally assessed for their reading age for something. DS at age 11 was assessed as age 15 and a half. She was assessed as age 13 and a half... My Ds2 who was a year younger was assessed at age 15.

neither of my children got the crowing and encouragement and pushing. Not that they'd have wanted it anyway tbh.

Some children are helpful and polite and cheerful and always do their best.

Some children are rude and unhelpful and you have to ask them several times to get them to do anything then you get a rude answer and a glare and they don't want to do any work.

Sad but its human nature.

It doesn't happen at my DDs schools but it did for sure happen at DD1s old school, her one "thing" that she's good at is drama and she barely got walk on chorus parts, it was always the alpha parents kids up front with the rest of the kids 2 paces behind at the back of the stage, was barely worth going to the concerts or shows if you werent in the in crowd cause your kid would be hidden at the back every time!

It was a case of popular parent = favoured kids.
Also happened academically, one very popular mum (reluctantly so! school and alpha parents completely ignored her at first as she didn't look the "type", then they found out who she was married to (prominent figure) and were all SOOOO impressed and suddenly the playdate invites were a-flowin') told me how her kid had been selected for a maths gifted group, she was baffled, her kid was amazing at english but had very little interest in maths, yet there she was, getting all this extra support with the other kids of the alpha parents…..

Because it's the same kids that put themselves forward or who excel. Need a lead for the play? They need to be a good reader, quick at memorising lines and confident. Sadly that's only a small % of the class. Teachers don't have time to coach Johnny when Billy can do it already.

Like Helgahufflepuff says it's usually the kids of the PTA parents/school governors etc that get the parts as they know the overly - involved parents will probably kick up a stink if little Hugo isn't team captain or gets the lead role in the Xmas play etc etc

Teachers don't have time to coach Johnny when Billy can do it already

Funnily enough DD was perfectly capable of doing speaking parts without loads of coaching when she moved to a school that didn't have such a caste system going on……….

Its the same in my school, I actually said it to DP last night.

My son is fun, bright, competent at sports, excellent student with good friends and is well liked, but it is like he is invisible when it comes to roles in school plays, being picked for sports events etc. Its always the same few kids.

Its like these kids and their parents went to a meeting where it was all decided who would do what and we werent invited.

And Im the CHAIR of the PTA and on the Board of Management! And Im invisible too!

I have to disagree that it happens in all schools. Everything in my class was done fairly. Every child had the same opportunities and I had a computer system to select children who wanted to do certain things. If the same child was selected more than once, another child was picked instead. I don't believe in any sort of favoritism at all and while I know it does go on, it is absolutely not in every school.

What an unpleasant thread.

I totally agree with you OP. I'm a former teacher and tried really hard not to favour children, and generally the ones who everyone loved were the ones that annoyed me a bit because they were so 'cutesy sweet' or 'annoyingly bold and outgoing'. Now my daughter is at school I can see the favourites coming out and in many cases it's the ones who's parents are always there, always making friends with the staff etc.
Basically being flipping annoying.

Obv in some cases as someone has mentioned, you need the best people for sport, public speaking etc as its a competition situation.

There is the argument I suppose that this happens all through life. Some people just get everything they want , some have to work for it but some never get anything no matter what they do.

Never seen it happen at all.

Same at our primary.

My eldest was the chosen one, picked for everything, certificate every week.

My youngest may as well be invisible. Even though she is hardworking and helpful.

I heard some mums the other day moaning that the same kids get picked for everything.

Posted before I had finished.
Things like star of the week award generally (in all cases I've seen) go to every child once throughout the year. I kept a record so I didn't repeat any and everyone got one even if it was sometimes hard to find something they had been especially good at!
My daughter's school does a to secret award at the end of each term and they will each have got it by the end of the year.

My dds went for several years to a catholic school where the head was a nun.

Every year without fail at prize giving, the 'headmistress's prize' for each year went to one of the children of an extremely rich extended family with several kids at the school.
It was absolutely blatant, and had turned into a standing joke among the other parents.
I was naive enough to be shocked at the time, but an Irish friend wasn't a bit surprised - she said it was typical of Irish nuns to suck up to what they saw as 'the gentry'.
Mind you this was quite some time ago now. I dare say things have changed.

I have seen it happen, when I queried why the same boy had the main part in the play for the fourth year in a row, I was told that it's because he is 'a safe pair of hands'

Having said that, my Dd2 was favouritised for a good year or so from reception, she was going through a very tough time and I appreciate the extra care and fuss that she was given.

What an unpleasant thread
^^

Why is it unpleasant?
What IS unpleasant is seeing your child come home time and time again feeling dejected and not wanting to bother anymore because their hardwork, politeness, kindness and strengths are being ignored as teachers are preferring others as 'an easier option'

We have this going on at the moment. DD and her friend have both applied to be head girl. They are the only applicants. So school have extended the deadline rather than give the roles to my DD and her friend. Presumably their faces don't fit.

I don't feel I can challenge this as I already have complaints running abut science (10 teachers in 3 subjects since May) and maths (hasn't had a specialist maths teacher or any homework since January).

I find it's similar with children's parties ( in exception anyway). My daughter has been invited to most so far and it's all the 'British' children who are there. No polish, no Indian. Despite probably half the class being non white. I hope that didn't sound racist, I didn't intend it to.

I think this may be down to the fact that we are still at the age where you invite the children who's parents you know, and unfortunately there's not much mixing goes on in our school queue yet.

Sorry that was a bit off thread but it just popped into my head.

My daughter was teachers pet at her first school. We moved house after 2 terms and it's a shock to the system. She said her and x were 'always' children, as in always did what they were told. At parents evening we were she was their best writer as she had so much input (outstanding childminder, plus a bit from me). They gave her a big reward on the first day for being good at maths, which was odd because they were rewarding her for what she could already do. They didn't say it was because she was one of the older children for her year, but it was. She got to open the nativity with a long speaking role, which she nailed, but so would 5 other kids have. She had previously had a speaking part in a presentation assembly, one of the other kids crumbled. It was a but much when I spoke to the secretary about transfer and she said 'She'd one of my favourites'. Her teacher was gutted that she left, because in a poor cohort, she was above national average. In the new school she's less special. Hoping that being in a school with less clear favouritism works in favour of august born ds when he starts in September.
It's even weird when it's your own kid being favoured. Obviously dh and I think she's one if the 2 best kids in the world, but we don't expect anyone else to agree with us.
I feel a bit bad about moving her. Not a clue how she's getting on in maths now.

everyone should get star of the week for something. it is a poor teacher who can not find anything.
there are definitely favourites though in some classes.

Why is it an unpleasant thread octopus?

Because we are daring to suggest the some teachers aren't very fair some of the time?