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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do teachers favour certain kids so obviously?

195 replies

Zhan · 28/04/2017 11:42

Just thinking back to when I was at school - primary especially and it was always the same kids that got a decent shot at stuff.

School plays it was always the same 3 kids that got the main parts every single year despite other kids (myself included) desperately wanting a go at being in the limelight. PE, again the same kids getting chosen as captains every single lesson. Music - the school had a limited number of decent instruments - guess who got the guitar/drums/keyboards EVERY lesson and guess who got the fucking triangle.

I know it's natural to have favourites but to make it so obvious and so unfair to the "less popular" kids who also want a shot at the good stuff???

Seems like not much had changed when my kids started school. The same kids getting the good parts in the plays, the same kids getting to play the decent instruments and the same kids getting chosen to "edit" the school mag. The same kids winning Easter competitions, the same kids winning "pupil of the month" etc etc ....

Who do they do it?

I feel quite bitter about my school experience and am disappointed to see that nothing has changed 20 years later.

Can any teachers shed any light?

OP posts:
paxillin · 28/04/2017 13:47

Hm, class of 30.

  1. Take out those who can't read well enough to learn the lines, 21.
  2. Take out those whose attendance is low, might miss rehearsal day, 18.
  3. Take out the ones with impossibly interfering parent 16.
  4. Take out those who won't spend 3 weeks solid learning a large body of lines, 10.
  5. Stage fright out, 6.
  6. One of them is the only proficient enough piano player needed to accompany, 5.

Pick three out of those and you end up with the same kids year after year. Most of these factors stay relatively constant over a few years and teachers don't have 2 months to plan a play.

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 13:49

I love that at DDs current school she has only had awards for things she tried at! She's good at maths but doesn't work hard at it, and I've had to tell her off for joking to me about the kids who are slow in maths class (I really did put her straight on that!) I'ld be annoyed if she was getting rewarded all the time for that, it'ld be such a cop out on the teachers part. She rarely gets awards but when she does they actually mean somehing and it's always for things that haven't come easy to her but she's tried hard.

I'm glad she's not being rewarded all the time for stuff she really doesn't deserve awards for!

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 13:51

paxillin so explain how a kid who is only capable of being chorus is suddenly exceeding at those skills once news got about that they have a prominent father and now has leading roles?

Or how DD wasn't able to do any of that in one school but the next term could in another school?

Lochan · 28/04/2017 13:52

I understand how statistics work Tinsel Grin

Your answer is that in five schools we've just been really, really lucky? Hmm

StripeyZazie · 28/04/2017 13:54

Primary 3 clas always does the Natvity. Primary 3 class always get to vote which girl will be Mary. Iron clad rule is that they pick the girl with the longest hair. Every. Single. Year.

DramaInPyjamas · 28/04/2017 13:54

"They pick the pupils who are most suitable for the event. There is no point picking a disastrously poor footballer just because they want to have a go for a competition"

^^
SOME teachers maybe, but tell that to my kid who attends local after school sports groups who got overlooked as sports house captain to a girl who hangs around parks after school picking on little kids

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 13:55

These threads always accuse parents of being deluded about their kids capabilities, or accused of wanting their kid to get ALL THE AWARDS/parts because they're complaining that they get none

It's gutting when you have a kid who is BURSTING for a part and would spend every evening practicing.. and you know they will never get a fair shot at it. I'm not talking about THE lead, just a speaking part or even a non speaking part that isn't standing in a group behind the "stars"

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 13:56

Your answer is that in five schools we've just been really, really lucky?

Yes. How nice for you. Next question?

Northernparent68 · 28/04/2017 13:57

Do schools, particularly primary schools, need sports captains ?

DramaInPyjamas · 28/04/2017 14:02

"Do schools, particularly primary schools, need sports captains?"

not particularly no, just like they don't need pupil of the week awards, head girl, attendance awards, playground leader, school plays, etc etc

It's just more stuff to get wound up about Grin

TeenAndTween · 28/04/2017 14:04

stoplicking They pick the pupils who are most suitable for the event. There is no point picking a disastrously poor footballer just because they want to have a go for a competition. It's not fair to the rest of the team or the good footballers who get left out. And it is usually always sport competitions that people complain about.

Have you ever read 'Outliers' by Malcolm Gladwell?

There is an issue that top sports people are predominately born in the 3 months period after an age cut off. This is because all through school etc the teacher/coaches pick the 'best' sportpeople for clubs and teams. So they get extra coaching / experience, and it continues.

So a natural advantage of being 6-9months older than class mates at primary leads into being the ones who succeed professionally.

I feel the same can happen with plays/assemblies at some schools. The ones who are better aged 5 or 6 then continue to be given the practice and the ones less good at that very young age aren't given opportunities so don't improve.

My DD2 never got much of any part throughout primary, but was doing extra curricular drama on and off for a number of years. When they did the y6 leaving play people were surprised how good she was. She just hadn't had a chance to show it before.

WomblingThree · 28/04/2017 14:13

Lochan it's probably because your kid is all the things you say he is. You say he's popular with teachers, so that in itself makes him feel good. I mean he's obviously quite amazing, so he's hardly going to be coming home feeling sad that he is invisible and ignored, is he.

When I was at senior school, I was an outstanding swimmer and I swam for my local club. I was never picked for the school swimming team, even though my times were faster than almost anyone else on the team (that's not a boast, just a fact). This was because my school's priority sports were athletics and hockey. I was unutterably crap at both, so as far as the school were concerned I was a failure at any sport. At my school, the favourites and the "picked for everything" kids were the runners and the hockey teams among the girls. I never quite understood how being good at running meant you were good at acting or singing or maths, but there you go.

babyinarms · 28/04/2017 14:14

I see this too. Same kids picked all the time for play roles, concerts. I'm not sure if it's favouritism or do they pick the most confident kids. My kids aren't super confident so don't get picked for major roles etc, which kinda makes me sad cos even though they're not overly confident cocky I know theyd do a good job and be reliable too . How can confidence grow if they're never given a chance and all the same kids get the major roles !

2014newme · 28/04/2017 14:16

At our school the kids express an interest in a role and if more than one is interested in a role they have to audition. Everyone has been happy with their part that I know of. They pick things with lots of small parts there are no glitzy stars.
Similarly my children do stagecoach and they don't have "stars". A main role would be split between different children so would be played by a different child in each scene. The focus is on teamwork. It works well.

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 14:16

Lochan it's probably because your kid is all the things you say he is. You say he's popular with teachers, so that in itself makes him feel good. I mean he's obviously quite amazing, so he's hardly going to be coming home feeling sad that he is invisible and ignored, is he.

"it's a reward in itself* only works if everybody's reward is just doing it Hmm

I'm theoretically opposed to the unrelated "reward" systems in schools, but if you do have it, it should be fair! And if some schools can do it fairly then there's no excuse for the ones that don't

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/04/2017 14:18

hacyondays I suggested names out of a hat in front of the class. Completely fair and no chance of favouritism

Trust me, some parents would still complain.

2014newme · 28/04/2017 14:21

My friends who are teachers fake it when it's names out the hat if it's for an oversubscribed trip eg abroad. The naughty names never go into the hat.😉

2014newme · 28/04/2017 14:22

Have to say that I wouldn't want to take naughty children on a trip where I was giving up my personal time so don't blame them!

stealthsquiggle · 28/04/2017 14:22

It seems (in some schools at least) that at Secondary level that a lot of awards become more about external competitions. DS (Y9, first year at senior school) seems to have collected a whole portfolio of certificates for maths, computing, science, essay competitions - the fact that they are external, national things removes the personal favoritism element and it is great to see how much the recognition means to him. At Primary level, he was the child who always did well academically (and therefore was rarely recognised for "improvement") and the one who didn't quite make the first team in anything sporty or the lead roles in plays (with one exception - which he nailed). He did get the odd prize here and there, but has definitely blossomed in a more objective results-based culture.

HateSummer · 28/04/2017 14:26

Happens at our school too, same kids chosen for plays, trips etc and their pictures posted on the website, other capable children aren't given time of day.

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 14:26

Trust me, some parents would still complain and those are the parents who get their way if the class has a teacher who isn't commited to fairness

AntiGrinch · 28/04/2017 14:34

"Teachers are too busy to worry about having favourites "

This shows a massive misunderstanding about how favouritism occurs. I hope you do not have a job which requires you to understand anything about equal opportunities.

It is the very fact that teachers are busy - too busy, arguably - that they may not have time to challenge their biases - which they should.

TinselTwins · 28/04/2017 14:35

"Teachers are too busy to worry about having favourites "

no. Favouritism is the easy/lazy route.

Railgunner1 · 28/04/2017 14:44

if a child is tone-deaf, it would be cruel to make him/her sing on stage Hmm same with sports.

Craiconwithit · 28/04/2017 14:47

My DS attends a small rural catholic primary school. We're not Catholic and so don't attend church. Therefore, no hobnobbing with the Priest or other 'important people'.

DS is very able academically compared to his friends. I know this as a fact as they are given homework daily and if on a play date with friends from school, I supervise the homework before they can go out to play.

I stupidly applied to be Treasurer of the PTA and got voted on but was then told by PTA chair that the outgoing treasurer had been persuaded to stay for another year by the equiv. of Chair of Governors as they were still dealing with the aftermath of a major fundraising drive and it would be 'too complicated' for me to pick up. (!) I'm a SAHM but they don't know I hold two degrees plus A level Maths. The current treasurer is a (lovely) farmer's wife who admitted to me that her role wasn't very complicated and she was clearly embarrassed by the whole thing.

However, as we do not attend church events, I also know that DS will never be given any of the lead roles or be chosen for anything important, although it will be interesting to see who they choose to represent them in school competitions at spelling and maths quizzes when DS would be the obvious choice. Wink
Unfortunately, DS doesn't realise this and I'm reluctant to burst his balloon just yet especially when he puts so much effort into things, but he's got another 4 years there. Hmm

At least the local secondary school is nondenominational.