Why do teachers favour certain kids so obviously?

[Zhan]

Just thinking back to when I was at school - primary especially and it was always the same kids that got a decent shot at stuff.

School plays it was always the same 3 kids that got the main parts every single year despite other kids (myself included) desperately wanting a go at being in the limelight. PE, again the same kids getting chosen as captains every single lesson. Music - the school had a limited number of decent instruments - guess who got the guitar/drums/keyboards EVERY lesson and guess who got the fucking triangle.

I know it's natural to have favourites but to make it so obvious and so unfair to the "less popular" kids who also want a shot at the good stuff???

Seems like not much had changed when my kids started school. The same kids getting the good parts in the plays, the same kids getting to play the decent instruments and the same kids getting chosen to "edit" the school mag. The same kids winning Easter competitions, the same kids winning "pupil of the month" etc etc ....

Who do they do it?

I feel quite bitter about my school experience and am disappointed to see that nothing has changed 20 years later.

Can any teachers shed any light?

I used to wonder if it was a coincidence that the parents who school gate moaned about their children never getting picked were the same parents who were always too busy, had something else on, couldn't commit themselves , had to get back for the dog or plain couldn't be arsed when it came to helping out at school fairs, trips out, baking cakes for the cake stall, selling raffle tickets in the playground, helping to sort out stinky lost property to return/sell..... Etc. I used to wonder, still have no proof, but I have my suspicions.

My school had over 600 pupils, even allowing for siblings and single parents that is a huge number of parents, so why was it always such a problem to find parents to help out even on weekend events, and why was there always a three line whip for teachers to turn up, run a stall, man or woman the bbq, clear up and move hundreds of tables and chairs and restore classrooms to some semblance of order Etc etc.

And yes, I used to try to give out parts fairly and give every one a chance ,but after a couple of years of being let down by parents not telling me they would not be bringing children to evening performances, not helping them to learn lines at home, moaning about rehearsals at lunchtime (he wants to play out) or after school (he wants to play out),turning up late to performances, not providing simple costumes or bringing in some random costume that bore no resemblance to that asked for and complaining because I told the child to turn their offensively sloganed t shirt inside out ,refusing to let a child perform as a punishment for something done at home(!) I gave up and made sure that decent parts were given to the reliable children with clear voices, good memories, good reading skills and reliable parents because my life was too fecking short and busy.

Although my eldest has only been at School since September, she has never been Star of the Class and there are 15 children in her class. One little girl has had it 5 times. It breaks my heart to see my DD in tears because yet again she hasn't got it, maybe she isn't a perfect pupil but she certainty isn't naughty/handful. I really don't understand why it can't be more evenly given out especially when they are so little.

Because it is a small school I think it is extremely obvious who the favourites are, I haven't had much experience with School Plays yet but it's always the same children that get the weekly awards and win competitions .

My kids went to two different primary schools. The two older ones went to a school that was really fair about giving all kids a chance e.g. my son was picked to play in the under 11s football team because he was good enough, although rather small and the kit did drown him. The Nativity was all cast in the same order, the tallest dark haired girl was Mary and the tallest dark haired boy was Joseph, the fair haired pair were the Angel Gabriel and the Star of Bethlehem. Then 3 tall boys Kings, then Inn Keepers, the smallest boys were shepherds. The blonde girls without a main part were angels and the dark haired girls were the Kings assistants and wore Princess Jasmin type outfits. The costumes were all beautiful and parents didn't have to provide anything and of course the costumes were sized appropriately. By the end of the summer term in year 2 mums would be comparing kids and speculating who would get the parts. Year 3 always did the school nativity. There was never any arguing about it as a. the kids all loved their costumes and all had something to do b. it was nothing that anyone could infuence in any way. Well I suppose you could starve your 6 year old if you desperately wanted them to be a shepherd!

Younger 2 went to a school where it was always kids with a parent who was a teacher, non teaching staff member, PTA or governor. Every single time, everything without fail. It was an unhappy school with lots of upset kids and parents who resented it. It was mad that the Head joined in with this, his kids got the lead role in the big school play two years running, it did nothing for the school.

I'm really shocked at some of these stories. I'm a primary teacher and I'm scrupulously fair about who gets star of the week - I keep a list so everyone has at least one turn.
Everyone has a speaking part in class assemblies / church services / performances - bigger or smaller depending on what the child wants.

My colleagues are the same, and my children's school is similar (although my ds2 did get the class bear a few too many times for my liking in reception because the teacher had a soft spot for him).

Canklesofglitter

I don't feel I can challenge this as I already have complaints running abut science (10 teachers in 3 subjects since May) and maths (hasn't had a specialist maths teacher or any homework since January).

You do know that there is a major shortage of teachers in both of these subjects?

You only need to look at these threads to see why.

I think the reason parents get upset when their kid doesn't get a part in school Xmas play is because it makes them think the teachers don't think much of your child. That's often the way I've felt when my children are overlooked. It's all about communication....I felt like this for years until my child said the teachers let them pick a part and he never wanted one. And there was me thinking he was hard done to. If they had told parents the process then there would be less angst.

Mumzypopz

the issue with that is if you have the parents knowing that the children are picking parts the parents then push the children to do things that they don't want to do.

The effect on the child can be devastating.

"parents who [...] plain couldn't be arsed when it came to helping out at school fairs, trips out, baking cakes for the cake stall, selling raffle tickets in the playground, helping to sort out stinky lost property to return/sell....."

This is so unfair. It isn't the children's fault if their parents are too busy to all this stuff. You are blatantly saying "taking part in things is a reward for extravert community-minded families" when in my opinion taking part in artistic, sporting, or dramatic activities should be part of the child's education.

Also there's the vicious circle effect: busy parents can't be arsed if they perceive there to be an "inner circle" of people who are more tightly involved in, and more rewarded by the school, than they are. You might say "it's not an exclusive circle, anyone can step up" but that isn't always the case - even if it is objectively the case, the social and confidence barriers to entry can be high - and that's before we even start on real practical barriers in their lives that you don't even understand. Some people really cannot spend hours a month hanging around the school, they just can't

We had this as well. One parent in DD's class at primary told me she complained angrily and nastily about this then sent her child to drama classes to boost her confidence (not that she needed this as an only child who always had the spot light from her mother, grandparents and various aunties). She then always got all the second best parts.
This favouritism translates into secondary school with teachers ensuring their favourites have four or five equally popular friends in their class. Whereas as other quieter kids are lumped anywhere and so their confidence grows and the injustices continue. The way it's going many of these popular girls seem to retain their popularity by being popular with the opposite sex and getting into fights over boys in early secondary.
So in the long run it's maybe better not to be less popular and not a favourite.

If anything at my school it's the other way - troubled/shy children who would benefit from doing something positive are often chosen for those sort of things. Which can be frustrating in itself as those who are 'top of the class's often miss out although they would be the best fit for the role! But I can see how sometimes you need someone who's going to learn the lines and be loud enough and all those practical things.

I try to balance it. We have our assembly coming up and I'm giving the main speaking parts to one shy kid who I know will get a confidence boost, one who's always in trouble but a good performer, and the rest spread around the class.

Dreading it though. It's supposed to be 'all the children's own work' but I'll still be judged if it's crap!

My school doesn't have a PTA so there's no 'inner circle' thing here, which is nice at least. Probably we're not middle class enough!

My dd had the opposite of this in secondary school.
In her final year the pe classes were changed from ability based into mixed because the teachers were sick and tired of the bottom group refusing to even change into their pe kit, never mind do any work,
As my dd was top set and good at pe she was given the unenviable task of being team captain and put in charge of ensuring those who refused to take part did!
She absolutely hated it.
Some of the girls were awful, calling her names, saying who does she think she is etc etc.
Games were abandoned as some kids refused to take part full stop.
As my dd said it really isn't her problem
If they are refusing to work and she wants to get on.

Our school has a policy of no star of the week or anything as such. It's probably not to everyone's taste but the principal believes children should not be motivated to behave properly, the expectation is they will behave and and if they don't there are sanctions. There is no star writer etc. My class does the nativity , everyone got a line or two each and was on stage at all times. A meeting was held with the parents regarding the school sports team would it be a win at all costs or given everyone a fair go. Parents seem happy with the fairness. Growing up I was never teachers pet so I love it.
Principal has primary school aged children and is heavily involved with children's mental health. Behaviour is excellent in the school, I have worked there 10 years.

BonyBackJefferson...But it doesn't help home class relations if you think the teacher doesn't like your child, does it. I had thought my child would have loved to have a part with a line and was being badly treated, and all along, he wasn't bothered. One year he told me the teacher had said "all the rest if you are in the choir". He hates singing. Then, because he didn't want to do the "girly" dance as he put it, the teacher said to him "i don't want to see you face again" and made him go right to the back. Me and husband took a total of four days off to see that play, and couldn't even see him!!!! (They do it four times).

Rewards don't work in terms of behaviour anyway, there've been lots of studies. But if done properly I think it can be nice to give some kids a positive thing from school, especially when a lot of their interactions with school are not positive. We have to do a certificate every week. It has zero effect on behaviour, and no matter who gets it the others all complain how unfair it is!

Not all teachers have favourites.....lets be careful not to generalise.

However, I would actually bring this up with the school as this needs to be addressed. Being a teaching is an incrediably difficult job, sometimes we get it wrong. Remember no one would become a teacher if they didn't want the best for all the children they teach.

Hope you get it sorted x

This thread has made me remember how this made me feel at DS's primary school. It was always the same boys that got every opportunity.

In year 6 the school started thinking about charging parents to see the leavers play. One of the mums marched up and said no way was she paying a fiver to hear bloody P....... F....... sing again!
Up until that point I had been thinking it was just me thinking there was favouritism but obviously it was all of us. We didn't have to pay......

*teacher not teaching.

We have to pay a pound each.....And yes i had to watch two particular girls over and over again in the main parts for four years on the trot, whilst mine was at the back, hidden. Having said that, neither of them have done very well at High School, so it didn't do them any good.

What a depressing thread. Starting to feel glad I don't teach primary if every decision you make gets branded at favoritism because Sally got it and not Charlotte.

Equally glad that I've got flexibility over my own rewards systems so I make achievement certificates and postcards to go home. BUT students only get them for going beyond expectations. Meeting expectations is a basic part of school life

Some people on this thread are going to have a shock at secondary. Almost all clubs are open to all but in terms of the big opportunitiea:

• people who get solos in concerts are the most talented musicians
• people who get big parts in productions are the most talented actors
• people who get on the sports team have to he good at the sport. There are A teams and B teams. Both get entered but the first line up is the best team.
• people who get onto school council get on by anonymous vote (and usually it is the quiet ones who get stuff done who get it)
• many competitions are external but the same few kids do really well.
• students who get a place as prefects are the ones who play a full role in school life and are known for being friendly.

My state school wins national competitions etc. We don't get that by saying Charlie's got no coordination buy let him be on the rugby team.

Some people on this thread are going to have a shock at secondary.

Completely agree.

This favouritism translates into secondary school with teachers ensuring their favourites have four or five equally popular friends in their class.

Love to know how you think primary teachers 'ensure' pupils go to certain classes.

The difference is though at Secondary, your child doesn't have to be in the school play, whereas in Juniors, they do, so you have to sit and watch the same kids get the parts over and over again, whilst your child sits at the back, hidden. At Secondary you don't have to go and watch it if your child isn't in it. At Secondary there are different lessons and teachers for each subject, so your child has a chance to shine more. At Secondary they don't bother with merits or certificates so much. So all in all, at Secondary it's much better actually.

At secondary there are many more sports clubs your child can elect to be in, or not, whatever the case may be. So i don't think people will get a shock when their child gets to secondary. And it's not a case of mums getting upset because their child doesn't get picked, it's when the same kid gets picked over and over and over again.