Why do teachers favour certain kids so obviously?

[Zhan]

Just thinking back to when I was at school - primary especially and it was always the same kids that got a decent shot at stuff.

School plays it was always the same 3 kids that got the main parts every single year despite other kids (myself included) desperately wanting a go at being in the limelight. PE, again the same kids getting chosen as captains every single lesson. Music - the school had a limited number of decent instruments - guess who got the guitar/drums/keyboards EVERY lesson and guess who got the fucking triangle.

I know it's natural to have favourites but to make it so obvious and so unfair to the "less popular" kids who also want a shot at the good stuff???

Seems like not much had changed when my kids started school. The same kids getting the good parts in the plays, the same kids getting to play the decent instruments and the same kids getting chosen to "edit" the school mag. The same kids winning Easter competitions, the same kids winning "pupil of the month" etc etc ....

Who do they do it?

I feel quite bitter about my school experience and am disappointed to see that nothing has changed 20 years later.

Can any teachers shed any light?

if a child is tone-deaf, it would be cruel to make him/her sing on stage hmm same with sports

A tone deaf child might still enjoy a non sung one liner gag/punchline, or carrying on an important prop

shows don't have to be all leading light, 2 support spoken roles then invisible chorus in the background. Good schools manage to include everyone, including the very stage shy e.g. by giving them back stage roles and crediting them!

It's a bit the other way in my ds s school. Really disruptive/ bullying kids being given lots of praise/ responsibility, so they can step up. It works at first, but the nastiness creeps back in.
Is a great idea, and I can see why they do it, you can see the kids arnt getting much positivity from home, but my quiet well behaved nervous boy feels a bit pushed out.

My DD is always chosen for everything, my DS not so much!

DD is mega confident without being precocious, and finds it easy to chat to adults. As a result she has always been popular with teachers. She attended 2 primary schools and it was the same at both - always the main part in the play, student rep, wins everything etc.

She is now at secondary school and its the same there. She is just very likeable and charming. I suspect life will treat her kindly as a result.

DS is younger and is never chosen for stuff. He is lovely, but a very typical 10 year old. Mostly talks about Fifa and farting!

I do think a lot of it comes down to being likeable to the adults that make all the decisions. FWIW I think it's really unfair, and see how upset DS gets when he gets passed over for things he'd really like to do.

stoplickingthetelly

"Posts like this really wind me up. Teachers are too busy to worry about having favourites and they don't deliberately leave pupils out to be mean! "

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

When I was at primary Sarah hill win the weekly completion every week for 2 years. Drawing a poster making a hat singing a song, best show and tell- she won every single time for the 2 years we were taught by Mrs Fucking Harris.

Too busy? It's quicker than looking at a class full of work, surely?

"DS is very able academically compared to his friends. I know this as a fact as they are given homework daily and if on a play date with friends from school, I supervise the homework before they can go out to play. "

Trust me, some parents would still complain and those are the parents who get their way if the class has a teacher who isn't commited to fairness

No. The parents that I was talking about would continue to complain unless their DC were chosen. It wouldn't matter if the process had been overesend by the UN, they would still think it was unfair.

Surely it's not difficult for an adult to deal with another adult who is protesting picking from a hat is unfair?

As a teacher, I honestly think you cannot do right for doing wrong. I've been teaching 12 years now and have worked with lots of teachers. On the whole the vast majoriry are very professional and caring. They genuinely have the childrens best interests at heart. This is why they do a very demanding job. Why do parents seem to think otherwise? We don't actively go out to upset children and piss off parents 😕

Even Mrs Harris stoplickingthetelly?

My DD gets picked for a lot of things, because she:
a. volunteers for everything
b. is committed and turns up to every single practice, every single rehearsal, even when she only has a very small part or one or two lines.
c. follows instructions and acts on feedback
d. is sensible and well behaved
e. is confident and capable
f. is full of team spirit and always happy to lend a hand with any job that needs doing.

My son gets picked for less because:
a.he's less inclined to put himself forward for stuff.
b.he is a bit disorganised and often forgets to turn up to rehearsals
c. is more interested in playing on his x-box than learning his lines/practising his instrument and doesn't give his all
d. has a bit of a tendency to forget lines or giggle at inappropriate moments.
e. doesn't go the extra mile and only puts in the basic effort to what he does.

I'm not a member of the PTA, my children get picked (or not) for stuff entirely on their own merits.

I saw this a lot with my kids. Dd was very shy and uncomfortable with people and despite being very academically able (& a very good writer) she was always overlooked. Ds is much more confident and able to talk to adults so (while more clever) despite not being quite as much of a natural writer, his work is often put up for prizes. It pisses me off. Some (not all) teachers are bewitched by the golden ones, especially if they are sports stars. To deny it is to deny teacher's human frailties, which frankly makes me even more wary of them.

OMG....Zhan, I have driven myself mad with this conundrum since my children started school, it happened to me and it certainly happened to them with the children of the 'helicopter' parents getting all the perks. I tried to get involved in an altruistic way with the school but that only highlighted the problem, I complained to be told I was wrong until I took it upon myself to distance myself and just do enough with my boys to get by, enrolled them into Beavers, Cubs then Scouts where their skills were acknowledged and valued. They are now in year 8 and 11 at a school which also has a small number of 'golden' children BUT, the ones who were favoured at primary haven't necessarily fared better than mine in fact it's been a slap in the face for those to see others chosen above them.

Is it common these days for primary school teachers to care about the play being objectively 'good'? Or winning sports competitions? Geez why are they bothered?

I grew up in a very rural area where everyone knew everyone. When I was at primary school everyone got a go at everything, things were often a bit of a shambles and disorganised. The teachers were pretty relaxed about it because really...who cares? I learnt a lot about seeing a task (like a school play) through to the end even when someone's wet themselves and Mary forgot her lines. One memorable occasion being when a teacher went on stage and knelt behind Mary whispering her lines word by word

If everything is supposed to be perfection, even in primary, where are kids supposed to learn a try, try, and try again attitude? And surely teachers must find it stressful trying to make sure it's all great? Ours were always more focused on the post-play piss up, hosted by the teacher who lived in the 'big house'.

Surely it's not difficult for an adult to deal with another adult who is protesting picking from a hat is unfair?

Who exactly said it 'was difficult' I said it wouldn't stop parents complaining and it doesn't!

I took this those are the parents who get their way if the class has a teacher who isn't commited to fairness
To mean, the complainers get their way. As in if you aren't fair - like names out of a hat - then those that shout the loudest get their way.

Maybe not Mrs Harris, but the vast majority of teachers I have worked with/encountered - yes!

Lack of time is a big factor these days (been teaching since Adam were a lad). Hardly any time to rehearse a play? Choose kids who will learn quickly, be reliable, and turn up on the night.

We know that parents don't mind if the play is a bit shambolic and Mary needs to be fed every line, as long as everyone gets a turn on the stage, and something to say. Sadly many HTs don't see it that way, and need the nativity play to be a PR triump of BAFTA stylee proportions.

I let my class choose who they want to be in the play. And I'm not averse to multiple Marys, and many many wise men. As long as everyone is happy.

Batteries they are bothered because they want the kids to doas well as possible. And also because the parents are bothered. Parents around here are very competitive and don't like to lose. So teachers take their best team. But then others moan that their child didn't get picked. Who do you please? Also schools need to have a good reputation to ensure that it is full. The parents talk so sports conpetitions, plays etc become more important. A sch that's not full won't have enough money, which causes problems with staffing budgets etc. Sad, but true, around here at least because there are more sch places than children.

have to say i do have a little internal laugh when the favoured child doesnt get picked for something or doesnt get put in the gifted and talented group and their parents are bewildered. suck it up, now you know how some of us feel.

I'd say it's taking the easy route more than favouritism. Some teachers have 30 students.

To be completely fair to teachers they barely have time to sneeze so if you need a good reader you chose your good readers.

There just isn't the time for weeks of rehearsals for plays that we had in my time. They have to do so much daily phonics and English and maths and cannot deviate from that.

My ds goes to a fantastic secondary school now who allow all pupils to shine.

He has asd and cannot access some of the enrichment lessons (sport!) due to his difficulties and so has always stuck to the same one he can access and enjoy. I think some children will think it's favouritism - but it's about giving ds a chance to be included.

Gosh stop that's so depressing. Parents getting super competitive over primary schools. I thought 'competitive dad' was a fairly rare comedy figure.

All these people taking primary school competitions too seriously need to get a life!

Teachers should be able to make their life easier. I suspect my issue isn't the teachers but the pressures being put on by special snowflake parents. No wonder teachers are leaving in droves.

In our school.teachers keep a very clearlist of who was who in each play to make sure e eryone gets a turn. Saying that we have a guy with dyspraxia who is brilliant on stage. He struggles all year. Finds writing so difficult and will never get on a team so we make no apologies for giving him his moment of glory on stage. Oh no his dm is on our board. All the parents are probably complaining . I never thought of that!!..
In my experience teachers go out of their way to even things up and its a bad school that doesnt.

I agree it is sad. Dh is primary deputy head. He also does the yr6 football team. There is only one year 6 class. He has made a 'B' team so that more get a go, but even that's not enough. Parent's want their child in the 'A' team. He doesn't need to have a 'B' team, he is so bloody busy and its extra hassle that he could do without. His 'A' recently loat in a semi-final of quite a 'important' competition. One of the parents made a off the cuff comment about not losing if he hadn't subsituted a certain player. He did this to give one of his subs a bit more playing time. Like I said - cannot do right for doing wrong.

I had this today at school. My DS received (surprisingly) his head teachers 'Star of the Week'. Walking out of the hall I could hear other parents saying something along the lines of 'it's always the same families that get everything'.

The fact is that DS has never received this from his headteacher before in the 7 years he's been at the school.

Yes I went on DD school trip before Easter. It maybe the same parents that go on these trips. That's because we are also the ones who have DBS clearance and volunteer in the school each week and not not just because I want a day out with my child!!