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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

573 replies

Shitonmyshoe · 27/04/2017 23:34

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

OP posts:
sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:01

The boy made a sexual action towards your daughter.
Your daughter aggressively called him a "fuck boy" which is the male equivalent of a slut.
Why is it okay for her to sexually harrass someone but not okay for him? Imagine the uproar if he had called her a slag/slut/whore. That is exactly what your daughter done, whether in retaliation or not she is no better than him.
There is a world of difference between telling someone to leave them alone and then telling them to leave them alone because they are sexually promiscuous, which is unacceptable regardless of the sex of the person making the comment.

Both should be punished.

As for you, stalking a childs facebook page to try and diminish his character more online, there are no words. Imagine someone doing thay to you or your child, you'd bloody hate it.
The boy can smoke as much weed as he wants and stick his penis in as many consenting partners as he wants without your approval or comments being needed. Much in the same way a woman can do the same without needing a running commentary and judgement passed.
Then there is your stance towards anyone who disagrees with you, to the point where you insinuate one poster must be male or unintelligent. You are being very aggressive and actually quite demeaning towards men.

Grow up, OP.

nooka · 28/04/2017 03:01

My dd is about the same age as the OP's dd, so I asked her what she thought. Apparently it was a very appropriate response. dd is lucky to be almost 6 foot and is also quite belligerent so she doesn't get much grief at school (although her school is not particularly rough) because she's known to be capable as giving as good as she gets. I think this is an important life skill for girls given that they will almost inevitably be subject to sexual harassment or worse (dd for example has been wolf whistled many times and had some foul bloke wank at her on a bus).

In a similar situation I'd be 100% behind her, and be looking to press the school on their response to the sexual aggression (and yes I do think size matters, it sounds as if the boy was trying to be intimidating too).

RhiWrites · 28/04/2017 03:02

she openly and loudly said no in a way people, especially this utter creep could understand. She was brave and strong.

^ This.

sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:04

And also the comments about him making an unsolicited sexual gesture resulting in so many boys becoming rapists and abusers, that's disgusting. One does not go hand in hand with the other.

Does it mean by the same token that a female who makes rude gestures at a male or degrades a male due to their sexual history, is the reason many women rape and abuse others?

Double standards should not apply.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 03:05

His actions were explicit Mel thus the reaction was on his level

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 28/04/2017 03:06

"There is a world of difference between telling someone to leave them alone and then telling them to leave them alone because they are sexually promiscuous, which is unacceptable regardless of the sex of the person making the comment."

Seriously? He made a sexual gesture to her. He told her he wanted to lick her pussy. (That's what the gesture he made means.) and you're saying it's unacceptable to call him sexually promiscuous?

sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:07

And just to leave this here ...

Sexual harrassment -
noun
harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks.

Obscene remark - the rude gesture and slut shaming/calling someone a slut/whore/slag/fuck boy. It's one and the same, you cannot differentiate because one person doing it has a penis and one has a vagina. It's either both or nothing.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/04/2017 03:08

Dowager She should have responded without saying 'fuck'. Perhaps 'Don't be so disgusting'? I mean, isn't that obvious?

I would have been hauled over the coals if I'd said 'fuck' at school within a teacher's earshot. I don't understand why the OP is defending this at all.

Also don't think the physical sizes are remotely relevant. Way to promote the false stereotype that taller women are somehow less vulnerable. Hmm

In summary: he's a sexual harasser who should be severely dealt with, but she needs to learn to control her language in school/work settings.

sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:09

rhiwrites I am well aware of what the gesture meant, thank you. However what the daughter called him was also sexual harrassment. Unfortunately it seems like only males can sexually harrass females or make sexually aggressive gestures or remarks.

There is no need for either and the daughter lost her credibility when she sunk to his level, making her actions no better than his.
Yes, that's my opinion.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 03:10

Bore off sailor. She backed herself up ffs

OP posts:
sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:12

And she could well have done without becoming sexually aggressive herself.

However her response seems to fit with your response to everyone on this thread who disagrees with you. Both parties are wrong.

RhiWrites · 28/04/2017 03:12

I thought you couldn't have understood the gesture, sailor, because you seemed to think calling him sexually promiscuous was inappropriate in response to him simulating sex.

If you understood it your response makes even less sense to me.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/04/2017 03:13

Yes, and on the street she can 'back herself up' by saying whatever she wants.

At school or in the workplace (where she will presumably be fairly soon), she needs to do it without swearing.

Do you not see the difference?

sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:15

rhiwrites no I understand fully.

Why is it okay to make an obscene comment about a males promiscuity but not okay to make an obscene gesture at a woman?
What makes one different to the other?

We both know the uproar that would be going on had he called her a slut.

sailorcherries · 28/04/2017 03:17

Girl makes rude gesture at boy.
Boy tells her to "fuck off you slut".

Boy makes rude gesture at girl.
Girl tells him to "fuck off you fuck boy".

There is no difference but scenario one would have everyone condeming the boy, when in scenario two people are praising the girl. There is no bloody difference.

My son will be taught not to act sexually aggressive in any way towards anyone, male or female, because it's not right. He will also be taught not to accept sexually aggressive/harrassing/demeaning behaviour from anyone, male or female, because that isn't right either.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/04/2017 03:22

Probably because he's in the position of "power" in this situation and she's not. And she got punished and he didn't.

nocoolnamesleft · 28/04/2017 03:23

Actually, if a girl sexually harassed a boy, I would consider it pretty reasonable of him to tell her to fuck off.

The initiating event was an intimidating act of sexual harassment.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 03:24

Work place, school or street. Is it ok for girls/women to be subjected to sexual harassment. Short answer - no it's not. Excuse it all you like. Hope you who have no idea never have to to deal with it

OP posts:
StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 03:28

Rhi

Seriously? He made a sexual gesture to her. He told her he wanted to lick her pussy. (That's what the gesture he made means.) and you're saying it's unacceptable to call him sexually promiscuous

Is this not also suggesting that if a man thinks a woman is being sexually promiscuous by sleeping with people, sending nudes, or just dancing or another action in a way they believe to be promiscuous, it's ok to call her a slut, slag, whore or any such name?

KoalaDownUnder · 28/04/2017 03:29

Okay, you're wilfully misunderstanding what people are saying, so I give up.

Keep on telling your daughter it's fine to swear at school, and bring herself down to the level of the boys. Nice one.

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 03:30

Probably because he's in the position of "power" in this situation and she's not. And she got punished and he didn't.

Really? In school pupils are equal, you really think a teacher saw the whole thing unfold and unconsciously thought " men that's ok boys will be boys, better demonise the girl for standing up for herself!"

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 03:30

Subconsciously*

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 03:33

Work place, school or street. Is it ok for girls/women to be subjected to sexual harassment. Short answer - no it's not.

Again nobody has said it is, but work/ school or street you're actions will be judged to consider if the response is appropriate/ suitable.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 03:37

Will do koala. I intend to give my kids choices and self-preservation is an option I suppose Blush. Nice one!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/04/2017 03:37

Happens all the time, StillHungry