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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

573 replies

Shitonmyshoe · 27/04/2017 23:34

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

OP posts:
PippaFawcett · 28/04/2017 01:15

At work you would be right to make a formal complaint, but she is a teenager who was taken aback and reacted to his behaviour in the moment. A better response from the school would have been to punish him and spoken to her about how they would have preferred her to react - ie report his behaviour, don't swear.

melj1213 · 28/04/2017 01:15

Would it be OK for your DD to make wanking gestures and then be called a slut in class by a boy? And then not be punished because she started it? There is no need to resort to swearing, there are plenty of other ways she could have told the boy to get lost without need to call him a fuck boi.

I swear like a fucking sailor at times but if my DD ever used words/phrases like "fuck boi" in my presence or to my knowledge, there's no way in hell I would be condoning that, especially if she was coming to me to say "Mama, I was put in detention for calling someone a fuck boi, but it's not fair because he was making rude gestures!"

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 01:17

If that's to me shit as I said you were biased, I said he should get punished and hers is debatable but I think so also. I then said stuff about teachers punishing which in the end was essentially teachers punishments are sporadic depending on their approach to the pupils and teaching.

Schools aren't the street and are often more stricter, in schools if two people get into a fight both are often punished even in self defence, in the street if it got to the police there would be a reasonable amount of self defence allowed, and we don't know if the teacher saw the boy so we can't say the teacher has dismissed his actions. His home life is irrelevant he could be as good as gold at school as far as teachers are concerned. We don't know anything about your DD who you're generally going to praise as she's your daughter and she's the wronged party in this scenario and a biased description of the boy as he wronged your daughter

TheRealPooTroll · 28/04/2017 01:19

I'm sorry but at GCSE age you know you will be disciplined if you swear in earshot of a teacher. And at a 'rough' school (or any school tbh) you will have seen enough 'wanker' ,'up yours' and similar gestures that you wouldn't have a fit of the vapours at the sight of one.
He made a sexual gesture, she called him promiscuous. The only issue here is that she was the only one disciplined. I really think the op will have more joy arguing against that injustice rather than saying what her dd said was fine because of the sort of school it is.

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 01:26

My bad fuck boi:

A fuckk boi is that one 15 year old boy you have on facebookk who posts selfies of himself pouting with more than one filter applied over the picture and gets way more like than he deserves.

Typically fuck bois have gelled quiffs, think that it is acceptable for a boy to pout in photos and frequently post selfies with their 'six pack' in full display.

They have over 100 likes on their profile picture because they have 2,000 girlss as friendss facebook and simultaneously flirt with them all, have smoked weedd* twice yet own HUF socks and post pictures of their Nikes on instagram with the heart eyes emoji as the caption.

Fuckk* bois often think that they are cool for bragging about having sex or getting drunk.
"this fuck boi needs to stop writing soppy paragraphs on my facebookok^ newsfeed, everyone knows he's only doing it to get into the pants of one of the 2,000 girlsls^ he's friendsds*^ with"

And there's even a fuck boi syndrome:

When a guy acts sluttyy to gett attention from those aroundd* him
I swearar^ sometimeses^ Baileyey*^ has fuck boi syndrome

A fuck boi trap:

When a girll getss caughtt* in a fuckbois web of lies
She gotot^ trappeded^ in Donovanan*^ fuckboi trap

A fuck boi mountain definition ( mostly gibberish unfortunately):

You. It's youu. You fuckingg no lifee* whiny cunt
"You fuck boi mountainin*^"

And an entry for fuck boi Tyler so I'm guessing Tyler's are prone to be fuck Bois

SpreadYourHappiness · 28/04/2017 01:34

Not RTFT so unsure if things have moved on, but she was absolutely right to get a detention. She was being aggressive, verbally aggressive.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 01:34

Sorry but some up thread are not in the real world. Some teachers swear more than the kids. Suppose I should get her to start wearing make up and be grateful for the male attention FFS Angry

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 28/04/2017 01:38

OP, please take up the fact that he wasn't punished for sexual harassment with the SLT of the school. Normalising his behaviour by not punishing it is really, really unacceptable.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/04/2017 01:39

A better response from the school would have been to punish him and spoken to her about how they would have preferred her to react - ie report his behaviour, don't swear

Of course he should have been punished.

So far as teachers swearing in school, sorry but I'd be complaining loudly about that- completely inappropriate.

melj1213 · 28/04/2017 01:43

Sorry but some up thread are not in the real world. Some teachers swear more than the kids. Suppose I should get her to start wearing make up and be grateful for the male attention FFS

If the teachers are swearing in class/earshot of the students, you need to take that up with the headteacher/SLT. Having said that, that doesn't justify your DD breaking the rules but your reactions seem determined to excuse your DD's insult of another student by saying that because it's a bad school she shouldn't have been called on it.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/04/2017 01:43

Your daughter has been sexually harassed - you should complain about that.

If teachers are swearing in school in front of pupils you should complain about that. That is completely unacceptable.

Your daughter's swearing is the least of the 3 concerns but she should not be using language like this in school.

Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 02:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 02:07

*or

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 28/04/2017 02:14

He sexually harassed her. She verbally, albeit rudely, defended herself. I could accept her being punished if his punishment were more severe. But he wasn't punished at all. This simply teaches her that good little girlies have to put up with being sexually harassed. Which is a very bad life lesson.

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 02:16

It's not a right and wrong clear situation though. Nobody has said he shouldn't be punished it's whether your daughter should be, and generally people think swearing is wrong by teenagers ( in or put t of school ),or at least the name she used, not the fact she reacted. And also reasoned that maybe the teacher didn't see the boy so that's why he didn't get punished. It's an issue with many different possible takes but everyone has said the boy deserves to get punished

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 02:16

Thank you nocool. I don't understand how women on this thread can defend him Sad

OP posts:
StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 02:19

But he wasn't punished at all. This simply teaches her that good little girlies have to put up with being sexually harassed

I don't think it says that at all.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/04/2017 02:22

I don't understand how women on this thread can defend him

I don't think anyone has. Has anyone said he should not be punished?

KoalaDownUnder · 28/04/2017 02:31

Nobody is defending him. Confused

Two wrongs don't make a right. He should be punished for making foul gestures. That doesn't mean she's allowed to say 'fuck' in school unchecked.

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/04/2017 02:32

So what are you going to do Shoe?

melj1213 · 28/04/2017 02:37

Shitonmyshoe I am neither male nor unintelligent, though I fail to see what they have to do with voicing an opinion on your hyperbole?

Your DD swore at and insulted another student. That is not OK, even though she was provoked she did not have to swear in her response. She was heard and was rightfully punished for that.

The boy made lewd gestures. That is also not OK. He was not seen/caught/reported, therefore on this occasion he was not punished. He should have been, but in this instance - where it appears there was no evidence beyond your DD saying he did it -

TheDowagerCuntess · 28/04/2017 02:38

How should the OP's DD have responded then, according to those who think she was also in the wrong?

'Sir, would you kindly mind simulating cunnilingus somewhere other than near my person'?

Even a simple 'get away from me' would be utterly ineffectual when dealing with someone like this.

melj1213 · 28/04/2017 02:40

*Damn phone posting before I was done

In this instance the boy has got away with his behaviour because no teacher saw him do it. Unfortunate but on occasion it happens.

The fact that the school is inner city, rough, teachers swear are all irrelevant to this specific situation.

Your DD broke the rules and was punished because she was caught.

melj1213 · 28/04/2017 02:47

Dowager presumably for the teacher to have been close enough to hear the OP DD swear, they were close enough for her to tell the boy to get away from her and then get the teacher's attention. Or even if not, there is no need for swearing and derogatory terms being used. "Get away from me now, . Leave me alone!" Are more than adequate phrases to either get them to stop or draw attention from the teacher as to the fact that the boy is bothering her in some way.

Referring to a boy as a "Fuckboi" is like referring to a girl as a "slut" or "whore" ... neither of those are justifiable for one student to say to another in school, regardless of gender (and especially in earshot of anyone in authority) so why should the former be, just because it is a girl saying it to a boy who is provoking her?

StillHungryy · 28/04/2017 02:54

Dowager

I got punished for saying to someone in school I fucking hate you, whilst they got nothing. The reason I said it was because a bully who had a history of attacking me gave me a note saying they were gonna stab me in 7 days, So whilst I'm not perfect I have been punished for a similar offence, the teacher was annoyed I'd swore and the bastards had the good sense to snatch the note off me whilst I was arguing my innocence. Yes I felt incredulous and upset but also the teacher didn't see any proof they'd done anything wrong and didn't believe me although I had the bullying on record, but for her and many others in general ( including myself) don't believe in encouraging swearing in teens and yes it's hypocritical, as I and others swear. She stood up for herself and she should ( although she shouldn't have to) but with that comes the risk she'll get punished as it's against the rules. The issue is the boy didn't get punished, which I at least think it's probably as the boy wasn't caught and teachers can't punish without reasonable evidence or they would be punishing for no end of fabricated rule breaking