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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DDs secondary school over 'fuck boy'.

573 replies

Shitonmyshoe · 27/04/2017 23:34

Just that! For those who don't know, girls now call sexually aggressive/promiscuous boys 'fuck boy'. My daughter has no interest in lads and is only bothered about her GCSEs (very studious but outgoing kid). Today a lad in her year placed his index and middle finger to his face and wriggled his tongue between them (classy) towards my daughter. She told him, 'get out of my face fuck boy' which has resulted in her being punished via a detention. For background she is less than 5 foot in yr 10 and he is well over 6 foot and obviously trains (shithouse wall). Apparently, reason DD was punished was because she was being aggressive 😂

OP posts:
Campfiresmoke · 27/04/2017 23:53

Anti do you think short pupils should be allowed to use worse language than tall pupils? Is it ok to say something rude if you are short?
Height is irrelevant.

christinarossetti · 27/04/2017 23:54

Yes, I'm not tall, but I don't think the fact that another woman is makes any sexual harassment of them less offensive than harassment towards me.

lookatyourwatchnow · 27/04/2017 23:55

I can't believe some posters think OP's DD's response was on the same level as sexual harassment. Good on her for having the confidence to execute the response he deserved. I'm sure this behaviour from a passer by on the street would elicit the same response from many posters.

Bostin · 27/04/2017 23:57

This makes me think of the thread where 100s of mnetters told how many times they'd been sexually assaulted.
It's all a giant mystery as to why this is still happening to women and girls. Yes a giant mystery

KindDogsTail · 27/04/2017 23:58

He was offensive.
He was miming a sexual act on her without her consent.
He was sexually harassing her.

She was offensive.
She told him to stop in language he might understand: she really meant it.

Can't really see why you're feeyooming, my DDs would have got a detention for saying 'fuck' too
Under the circumstances it was entirely warranted.

The boy should be suspended.

christinarossetti · 27/04/2017 23:59

OP - was the boy punished, do you know?

Beeziekn33ze · 27/04/2017 23:59

Did a teacher hear her say it? Surely the charming young gentleman didn't complain that he was sworn at?! He deserves at least the same punishment, dirty little toad.

befuddledgardener · 27/04/2017 23:59

And was he punished?

christinarossetti · 28/04/2017 00:00

No, he deserves more punishment. Swearing to defend yourself is not the same as sexual harassment.

robindeer · 28/04/2017 00:04

I assume the OP references her daughter's height because it is in relation to the size of the boy who sexually harassed her and how the physical intimidation will have played a part in her verbally aggressive response.

Secondary school teacher here OP and I'm with your daughter. The boy's behaviour ought to be taken very seriously.

I am so, so tired of seeing girls accept this as normal.

christinarossetti · 28/04/2017 00:14

I was fine for OP to mention her dd's height. It was the post which said that 'size has a lot to do' with sexual harassment that I was querying.

It wouldn't have been any more acceptable if the girl was 6ft tall and, yes, I find it utterly depressing that this sort of behaviour is still regarded as run of the mill.

And I do wish OP would answer the question of 'has the boy been punished?'!

0dfod · 28/04/2017 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KindDogsTail · 28/04/2017 00:22

verbally aggressive response
To me she was using words to defend herself which were not even halfway commensurate with the horrible thing she was defending herself against.

Girls get raped because when they say "no" they don't scream shout and bite at the same time but are taken as really meaning yes.

How dare the school punish her.

What that boy was doing was disgusting and a complete trespass against her.

WorraLiberty · 28/04/2017 00:28

Neither of them covered themselves in glory

Not sure what height has to do with it.

Original poster
Shitonmyshoe · 28/04/2017 00:28

OP here. No punishment for the lovely chap. For context swearing is nothing in regards to said school. We are in a major inner city and the school is full of problems. They have the local police force in to search and use metal detectors on the kids due to local knife /gun crime which again validates my point that my DD cracks on regardless and is a studious legend. Anyone who thinks what she said is on par with the vile shit.

OP posts:
KindDogsTail · 28/04/2017 00:31

Neither of them covered themselves in glory
I disagree: she did because she openly and loudly said no in a way people, especially this utter creep could understand. She was brave and strong.

robindeer · 28/04/2017 00:32

What KindDog said ^^

BillSykesDog · 28/04/2017 00:32

So if a girl made a 'wanker' sign at a girl and he called her a whore back it would be absolutely okay would it? Of course she should have been punished as well as him.

TheRealPooTroll · 28/04/2017 00:34

Well if swearing is against school rules (and I can't imagine it would be officially allowed however many children choose to ignore the rule) then she should be disciplined. She could have stuck up for herself without swearing and reported it.
I would however be complaining in the highest possible terms about the boy getting away with sexual harrassment which is much more serious.

PippaFawcett · 28/04/2017 00:34

Victim blaming. When I was at school, the person who threw the first punch always got into trouble. Meaning your DD was only defending herself.

user1471545174 · 28/04/2017 00:35

I don't get anyone criticising OP's DD who was only defending herself from unwanted sexual attention. This is massively unfair and I'd be complaining about the punishment and giving all the context. As if studious girls don't have enough to deal with already.

TheRealPooTroll · 28/04/2017 00:37

So if she had punched him would that have been ok as she didn't start it? Schools can't have rules that you can only break if someone else does something wrong first. The only exception to that would be if you were in physical danger and you needed to attack to get away.
I would expect the boy to be suspended though. I don't think querying the detention for swearing is the issue here. It's why the boy has been let off completely.

KindDogsTail · 28/04/2017 00:37

BIll Sykes I don't even know what you mean.

I only know what happened here. Don't you understand? She was as good as sexually attacked by a symbolic, careful, deliberate mime.

Her peace to get on with her work at school was also disrupted.

No wonder boys are growing up to be rapists and abusers.

KindDogsTail · 28/04/2017 00:40

So if she had punched him would that have been ok as she didn't start it?

What are you talking about here? "She didn't start it"? Some playground argument between five year olds?

Actually, if she had punched him, I would agree with that too. But she didn't.

TheRealPooTroll · 28/04/2017 00:45

Well you don't get away with punching someone even if they have made a rude gesture at you. Not in the real world and not in school. And whether you like it or not.
What if she'd punched him to the ground and he hit his head and died - also fair?
OP - complain. I'm sure the school will have a policy about sexually inappropriate behaviour and it won't say that it goes unpunished.