FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

You sound nice

YANBU he sounds like an interfering cockwomble!

Did he mean it offensively or was it a slightly clumsy attempt at conversation?
I expect it was the later and you have over reacted at something that was not intended to personally upset.
I always regard the intentions of people as more important than the actual words spoken. Some people don't really think through how their words could be interpreted but actually were just trying to be friendly and have a short conversation with someone whilst out and about.
I would have just laughed and made a comment back about the good stuff always having more calories. No big deal and everyone carries on their day happy.

Someone coming up to a stranger and saying the food they're looking at is "fattening" and they "should stay away from all that" is being rude. It's not "friendly" conversation, it's rude. They should expect short shrift in return.

I think some people really need to think before they speak. For all he knew OP could have an eating disorder etc...you don't know what's going on in people's lives to make comments that could be deemed offensive.
If he fancied a chat he could of said something else.

I think you were over the top. I agree that he (or anyone else, for that matter) should not comment on anyone's food choices.

You seem quite highly charged - perhaps a mix of knowing the weight is creeping up, coupled with the deadlines.

There is no 'tone' which makes it appropriate for a strange man to lecture a woman on her food choices in a supermarket irrespective of intentions. I'm pretty accepting of being called 'love' by the 80 yr old green grocer because I accept there is no intent to be patronising but not to the extent I'd tolerate being lectured on my food choices and weight.

its none of his damned business and his comments about his wife suggest he would not have made the same comments to a man.

This has happened once to you.

Try being 9st overweight and on a high fat, low carb diet. It happens at least twice a week to me and yes, ywbvu to have reacted the way you did.

Death stare, move on.

Some comments I've had in the last 10 weeks:

I love a girl who loves her food

If you want to lose weight just eat salads for a few weeks (I hadnt mentioned wanting to lose weight)

That's awful for you, no wonder you're so big (i was picking up double cream for my coffee)

God if I ate like that I'd be the size of a house (I had avocado on my salad)

You shouldnt buy that, have chops instead they're less fattening (i was buying belly pork from a butcher, he refused to sell it to me)

Have you jacked in the diet then? (from a colleague upon seeing my cauli cheese for lunch)

The list goes on, all from relative strangers.

I find it baffling that you think this is an uncommon occurrence, particularly the older generation make comments like this to obese people everyday. You suck it up and get on with it.

If I reacted the way you did to every person who ever commented on my weight I'd be in prison.

Suck it up and if you're uncomfortable with your weight, do something about it.

(i'm 32lbs down since Christmas )

If he was indeed elderly, I don't think your response should have had any tone of aggression in it, certainly not enough to make another passer-by think you were harrassing him. 'I hope that's not a comment directed at my weight?' with a raised eyebrow, could have done it.

He says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I say "You'd better believe it! That's just what I need right now. See ya "

Sounds to me as if he was trying to be friendly, lots of old people are lonely so maybe he was too. My FIL used to say this kind of thing to me all the time, it's a generational thing and it would have been better to ignore it or laugh it off, not have a go at him. YABU.

He was thoughtless

You over reacted massively and unleashed all your insecurities upon him.

I doubt either of you will do it again.

Am rather about people saying someone who reacted to being told that "Fresh air is all that you need" was being U.

Everyday sexism indeed and potentially very harmful if OP was battling an ED.

for you, Lunch

Looks like my supermarket wanker has gone to Tesco

goodness, where did you find a store with hummus in? national shortage at the moment.

Sorry OP but I think your own personal insecurity about that half a stone you want to lose overtook your common sense.

I don;t think he was criticising or attacking you, I reckon he was just making conversation. I've had many conversations with random people in supermarkets whilst looking at food. In fact in the cake aisle once a lady spoke to me about the naughty but irresistible cake she had chosen and I immediately replied that one is very calorific and my DH told me afterwards I should've said that because she was a very large lady. I was merely stating that cake was fattening it wasn't a slur on her size.

Maybe he has no social skills? We have a couple of local people who say random shit to strangers, best to ignore them. YABU to let him bother you to that extent although I appreciate it's easier said than done.

In fact in the cake aisle once a lady spoke to me about the naughty but irresistible cake she had chosen and I immediately replied that one is very calorific

Good job you didn't say it to some on this thread. They'd probably have face planted you into the cake.

Fuck that. Yanbu! He was rude and sounds like he expects women to be skinny (while men can be whatever size they like) with the comment about his wife.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

He wouldn't have said it to another man and that's all you need to know really. Who cares how old he is.

I think a lot of elderly people do have a messed up attitude to weight and food, where if a bloke is overweight it's all jolly and never mind, eh?, but if a woman is overweight, it's unacceptable and she should be doing everything possible to remedy it. It's why you hear stories of penis portions (where men are fed the choicest and largest portions and the women get a tiny fraction).

You weren't being unreasonable to be upset, but maybe you could have been a bit more diplomatic. But then again, maybe we should stop tip toeing around sexists' feelings.

He was rude. You batted away the first comment and he kept it up with the 'fresh air' jibe.

I can't believe anyone thinks its okay to comment to women about what they eat and exercise! Its just offensive no rude.

No one should feel free to comment on your weight, whatever it is.

But 'fuming' and 'reeling'?

Overreaction.

Seriously Who cares! Who cares what some random says or thinks about what you might or might not be having for your lunch? People say mad stuff all the time. He might have special needs, he might be an arsehole. Why do you care?

YANBU #everydaysexism