FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

Personally I like to practice tolerance. Shouting at lonely old men who are just making conversation to the point where other shoppers intervene and tell you to stop is intolerant and just plain nasty

Well tolerance is one thing. I tolerate religious observance. Personally I think it's a load of bunk but since other people think it's important I put up with it. However, there's no particular reason to be a doormat. Tolerance is about not jumping in because of your own prejudices. There's no need to use "tolerance" as a way to force people to put up with slights towards them.

The OP hasn't said she was shouting. She was replying, she doesn't refer to shouting. There was one passerby, not several. And personally I wouldn't want to be cowed by the reaction of one person who didn't see the start of the incident. And we don't know if he was lonely. He did after all talk about his wife. As for just starting a conversation as has been pointed out ad nauseum, there are many ways to do this. In future it would be better if the man didn't start conversations, or continue them, with comments about random stranger's calorie intake.

Could the OP have explained this rather more calmly? Yes, of course. But that doesn't mean that we have to put up with randoms in supermarkets being rude to us all because someone constructs the idea that this was a poor, defenceless lonely old man? No.

If he was being deliberately rude and malicious with his comments, then he won a massive victory, here, didn't he? He upset the OP just as he intended and didn't she make it satisfyingly obvious to him? If he was just making cack handed conversation and did not intend to cause offence, then the OP massively overreacted. Either way, the OP loses.

A random stranger is walking past you in the supermarket, he stops and starts tutting at what you have in your hand....thats rude.

He tells you its fattening and you should stay away from it ...thats rude.

He tells you his wife is slim and all you need to stay slim is fresh air..thats ignorant as well as rude.

Being elderly is no excuse. Having worked in elderly care for 20 years I know that being elderly doesnt mean you automatically become some sweet old granny/grandad. If you were an opinionated mysoginistic, arse when you were young you will still be one when you are older.

Similarly getting older doesnt mean you turn into some idiot with no manners.

People with dememtia dont sudenly become arses. They may have many symptoms but that isnt one of them. The persons basic personality remains in all but a very few instances depending on the particular type of dementia they have.

If this had been some leery lout in a suit, if he had been telling your daughter that she should live on fresh air to 'stay slim' many of the replies on this thread would have been different but as he is 'elderly' its ok? No its not.

I agree with every single word of that post Willow2017

people with dementia dont suddenly become arses

They can do.

YABU
If you were working from home, you could have bought ingredients for lunch, e.g. a salad ( did you not have food at home for lunch? ) instead of buying pre-made crap from a supermarket shelf. 443 Kcal for a wrap is insane, I can make a salad twice the size that has around 250. And as for the guy's comments - what kept you from walking away with the wrap you were already holding in your hand? You just made yourself look ridiculous.

Well there you go OP.

Christ. Why can't we just enjoy food, not get so hung up about it that it's deemed acceptable to lecture strangers on their calorie intake, housekeeping skills and dietary habits.

people with dementia dont suddenly become arses

Sadly this statement is absolute poppycock.

I work in care currently and can 100% say that dementia can turn you into an arse. I see it everyday and have to hold my tongue against most things that they say

There's been a lot said on here that's been absolute poppycock
Just glad there are at least a few likeminded rational beings out there.
Or this troubled world would be one hell of a sad lonely place

I find it pretty sad that a random bloke can rock up.to a woman and tell her that she shouldn't eat but live on fresh air to stay slim and it's considered ok.

Dementia doesn't turn you into an arse. It's not a symptom. The physical and nuero changed changes in the brain can cause behaviour changes but not everyone who has dementia turns into an arse. The vast majority of people I worked with were lovely. Yes there were a few violent aggressive and downright horrid people but they were rare and were either that way before or had severe dementia and usually other complications/contributing factors such as long term alcohol abuse.

Saying dementia turns you into an Ill mannered arse is really insulting to dementia sufferers.

I never say they all do turn into arses, I said they can do. You were the one that stated that they dont turn into arses Willow2017.
The horrid and agressive ones may have been rare in your work but they are not rare in terms of dementia sufferers.

InanE
What gives you the right to tell op what she should have or lunch any more than some random man in the supermarket. She was looking for a quick lunch she didn't have to prepare. It wasn't going to kill her!

And its not considered ok about what he said but the overreaction of the century goes to the OP. Just get over it

Christ. Why can't we just enjoy food, not get so hung up about it that it's deemed acceptable to lecture strangers on their calorie intake, housekeeping skills and dietary habits

Because it's all about putting women in their places, essentially, and monitoring their eating and bodies, which is oddly still considered by some to be perfectly acceptable.

The prevelance of stating that a person must have dementia every time someone perceived to be 'elderly' says something offensive is what I object to. People can be 'elderly' and be just opinionated, ignorant arses without having dementia.

Dementia doesn't = arse.

I agree with that lol I've dealt with many a normal minded arse in this job too

Happy, sadly boredom drove me off the thread or I'd have been there, 🍺

Can't believe this is still raging on. 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Yep we don't just have to walk around with a permanently fixed smile on our faces now we are all supposed to be 'slim' and live off fresh air too.

Saying dementia turns you into an Ill mannered arse is really insulting to dementia sufferers.

No it's not. It's reality for many people.

My dad turned into an ill-mannered, occasionally violent arse who wept whenever he realised what the illness was doing to him because he was not like that when in his right mind. Gradually those windows of lucidity became smaller and smaller until one day they were gone and so was he.

The only good thing was that he didn't know anything any more and so wasn't suffering guilt or fear because of what the illness made him do. The tragic thing that he didn't know us any more either.

If you work with people with dementia Willow I'm amazed you haven't come across someone like him. They're very common.

My dad turned into an utter sweetie with dementia.

The point is that old people can be nice, nasty or a range of other types, but just because they are nasty like the man in the OP (or docile and swwet) does not necessarily mean they have dementia.

sadly boredom drove me off the thread or I'd have been there

Don't worry Bluntness. I drank yours

I never said it doesn't affect people in a variety of ways I said that the default on mn seems to be that anyone elderly who is rude automatically has dementia. I have worked with some extremely aggressive both physically and verbally, people with dementia that was soley due to their illness. I have worked with people who were notoriously aggressive abusive morons before they had dementia and I have worked with some absolutely lovely people who had problems distinguishing past and present due to thier illness but were still a joy to care for.

Calling someone with a degenerative illness who behaves in a way that is caused by that illness living in a care setting, an arse is pretty sad. Jmho

There's very little you can do about people starting conversations with strangers; unfortunately, there is still a vast number of men who believe that acceptable conversations with women start with observations about their bodies. Perhaps, when the gender pay disparity disappears, they may amend their behaviour.

Shops will never take your side on this kind of situation: they are desperate to remove any kind of confrontation to the extent that they will shoot themselves in the foot rather than tell a customer that he/she is behaving inappropriately - viz their security guard's method of dealing with the complaint about two gay women sharing the briefest of kisses (similar to the one that heterosexual couples do) before heading to separate ends of the Sainsbury's store in ... wait for it ... BRIGHTON.

Suggest you shore up your attitudes to yourself more robustly. Regardless of your perceptions on your own weight or size, you are entitled to be in a public place, minding your own business, and without uncanvassed or unasked-for personal observation. You could consider responses ranging from, "Please leave me alone"; through, "I think we have very different views on what constitutes friendliness"; to, "Please leave me alone", but in good-old Anglo-Saxon.

Did he make a comment about her body? I thought the comment was about the food and about his and his wife's bodies.