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AIBU?

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Original poster

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
SillyLittleBiscuit · 27/04/2017 14:22

Yep #EverydaySexism Can't imagine he'd have commented on man's choice of food. I'd have been angry and reacted as you did.

Like the male cyclist recently who peddled alongside me congratulating me for going out running. When I asked why he was ignoring the male runners he called me a bitch.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 27/04/2017 14:24

He was a rude, controlling prick. Shame you ran into an apologist too.

HarmlessChap · 27/04/2017 14:24

"That's fattening. Definitely fattening."
You should have just agreed and said "that's why its nice,"

Then maybe looked him up and down and said, "but I guess you know that already....."

MichaelSheensNextDW · 27/04/2017 14:26

I don't see the personal attack.
I think you took it personally because it touched a raw nerve (ie you're not feeling happy about how you look at the moment) and also you interpreted him as 'telling what to do'.
Surely a normal response would be, "I know, right? All the nicest things are aren't they!"

wibblywobblywoo · 27/04/2017 14:26

full fat irn bru

Now that really is a stupid and irritating thing to say.

CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 14:28

God forbid someone says something in a supermarket to another person.
He forgot the golden rule - eyes down, don't open mouth or speak to anyone else for fear of causing offence. Hmm
You said yourself you're touchy about your weight. This shows in your OTT reaction.
If he'd have said it to me I'd have said something like "well, I like it" or "good job I'm not watching my weight then."
Then forgot all about it. Not stewing and brooding about it all afternoon.

FlyingElbows · 27/04/2017 14:28

Oh dear he's twanged your raw nerve hadn't he? When he said about it being fattening you could quite easily have said "aye, an ah'm huvin' it anyway!". Drink your bru, eat your crisps and calm down.

Oh an for whoever was incredulous at the thought of someone speaking in the supermarket, we don't all live in London Wink

GreenShadow · 27/04/2017 14:29

I'm nor sure I see the issue here at all.

He made a joking comment in passing and has had his head bitten off.
Don't believe it was personal, just a spur of the moment comment to a fellow browser.

So I think YABU

weeblueberry · 27/04/2017 14:29

I do agree with the everyday sexism to an extent but my partner has also been accused of choosing unhealthy food when shopping. So rudeness isn't totally limited to your gender sadly...

diddl · 27/04/2017 14:30

Sadly it's thought sort of thing my lonely old dad might say in the hopes of striking up a conversation.

The guy might have been being deliberately rude, having a bit of a joke or just stating a fact, but as you say, you are oversensitive & overreacted.

Fruitcocktail6 · 27/04/2017 14:30

Yea it is rude, but some people are rude and a bit socially unaware. Move on with your life. Causing a scene in a supermarket is just embarrassing.

robinsongyal · 27/04/2017 14:32

Maybe the man was just making quick conversation, he may not have intended it to sound hurtful but it ended up sounding that way..I always find that if something is massively playing on my mind (such as weight gain) i misinterpret what others say to me as an attack about that specific issue more often just because it'll be always in the back of my mind!
However, if he was meaning it to be nosy or offensive then that is a really controlling thing to say to someone, let alone a complete stranger! Confused

trevortrevorslattery · 27/04/2017 14:32

YANBU, the cheeky twat.
I am all for chatting to people in supermarkets but not when they are rude to me.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 27/04/2017 14:32

He was a complete dick OP - I bet the reason his wife is "stick thin" is because being around him all the time has made her lose her appetite.

Hope you're enjoying your food at least now.

LovingLola · 27/04/2017 14:33

I think you made a bigger fool of yourself than he did.

GallicosCats · 27/04/2017 14:33

I'm thinking that he'd never have said that to a 6ft 17 stone skinhead bloke because he'd have been lamped. Why should we put up with arsey comments?

I would probably have quite genuinely not heard and asked him to repeat it.

TriJo · 27/04/2017 14:34

YANBU - he's lucky he didn't get throat punched.

Original poster
LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:34

I would never make such a comment to a stranger though. That's why i took it personally. Because an impersonal, 'chit chat' conversation starter is normally about the weather, or how great it is for the kids to be back at school, or "day off today?" kind of thing. Commenting on the fat content of someone's - especially a stranger's - food is not socially acceptable (to me anyway).

So for those of you saying that it wasn't personal and he was just making conversation - is it a comment you would make or have made before? Or is it just acceptable for this person to say because he's an "elderly man just wanting a chat" as the other shopper woman suggested?

OP posts:
Pollydonia · 27/04/2017 14:34

Good for you for standing up to this male privilege shite and shame on all the apologists.
No way on earth would he have commented on a man's lunch Angry

SabineUndine · 27/04/2017 14:35

I think he'd got a nerve but the woman who backed him up was as bad. I would have walked out tbh.

SpreadYourHappiness · 27/04/2017 14:36

He shouldn't have made that comment, but your reaction was over the top and childish. I think it's you who should be ashamed of yourself, not him.

BorpBorpBorp · 27/04/2017 14:37

He didn't make a joking comment in passing. He made a rude, misogynistic, body-policing comment and stuck around to hear the response.

TBH, there's no right way the OP could have responded. If she had nodded and smiled, he would have gone away thinking it's totally reasonable to tell strange women that their food is fattening. Since she argued with him he probably went away thinking she was a hysterical woman who wouldn't listen to his reasonable comments about her food being fattening.

I still think it's weird to make small talk with strangers in supermarkets.

CheeseQueen · 27/04/2017 14:38

Male privilege shite,apologists, rude controlling prick...... Grin
It's a bloody sandwich!

Christ on a bike. I don't know how on earth some people get through each day being so ready to jump down down people's throats, up for seeing offence in every little thing and being so generally full of rage.
It must be mentally exhausting!

NevermetaGilesIlike · 27/04/2017 14:38

I think he was bang out of order.

How many people here would feel entitled to go up to a complete stranger and comment on someone's food choices? Not many I bet because it's rude and strange.

I think my stock phase of 'sorry you seem to have mistaken me for someone who asked your opinion' would have popped out.

What an arse. Probably has no social filter.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 27/04/2017 14:40

It's 432 calories according to the Tesco website - hardly disastrous.