FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

Eh, I was responding to the text I put in bold, that's kinda how the forum works

Well, you were sort of developing the text in bold... a text you obviously agree with. All fine and dandy. I was disagreeing with you and the hallowed text in bold. That's sort of how the forum works...

Merchant why are you attacking other posters and getting all upset. We are welcome to our opinions. My opinion is this was an old bloke making clumsy conversation and there was simpler and less stressful ways to deal with it, even a polite "it's none of your business" and moving off would have been better.

So yes, many people feel she was unreasonable in the way she dealt with it and some don't. You don't. Fair enough. I do. and yes, I do believe people , especially the elderly or young children, should not be abused to this level when the comment was this mild in the supermarket no. The extremeness of the reaction should be in correlation to the crime. You feel differently and that's fine too.

It's interesting bluntness that you're now trying to be all reasonable and to present this idea that all opinions are equal etc as if you're the voice of reason. Weren't you one of the ones who tried to minimise OP's concerns? Is she entitled to her views too (you know, given that the comments were directed to her)?

Can you show me where I've attacked other posters? Thanks.

I am very interested in this discussion, bluntness because I feel it's important. Your last post tells me a) you don't really get the points I'm making and b) you don't think it's really important. The latter begs the question... why do you keep joining in?? It's clear why I do; I think this is part of a bigger picture.

Oh and what makes you think I'm 'getting all upset'? Is it because I am arguing the toss on an important issue?

Oh and 'abused' - really? Who's overreacting now?

Lol

Well - that escalated quickly!

You see, that's what's so frustrating: if you are exercised by an issue (an important issue) and you get stuck in, suddenly it's "ohh you're all upset" and comments about escalation.

But all I'm doing (and the OP) is pointing out that we'd rather not tolerate casual sexist bullshit.

I've responded to disagreement thoroughly and with reasoned argument. Some others have just done the odd goady "ooh that escalated". How is that useful? If you have a point, I'd be interested.

The whole basis of the thread was that women should not just have to shrug off judgemental comments. And it seems the rest of us too should just take this crap on the chin and stfu.

OP admitted hers was likely an overreaction. Her thread was about why women should have to hear this sort of crap (irrespective of her reaction really). And yet basically the whole thread has been about policing her behaviour and dismissing his. Says it all really.

Does feel good to have shouted down the naysayers though...

You haven't really shouted them down though. You've just had a rant that was quite funny.

Haha! Right on cue!

But have you made any points that directly oppose mine?

we'd rather not tolerate casual sexist bullshit

That's fair enough (if that's how you perceive what I would regard as a friendly comment) but not tolerating it doesn't mean that you have to be aggressive and unpleasant about it.

others have just done the odd goady "ooh that escalated"

Mmm - I don't think I gave the escalation comment quite that sarcastic tone. I was actually trying to lighten the mood - the "escalated quickly" remark is a quote from "Anchorman" which is a popular meme - I assumed that you would recognise both it and the lightheartedness of it. I made an incorrect assumption and I apologise for expecting you to have a sense of humour. I won't make that mistake again.

And I certainly don't feel shouted down, but if it makes you feel happy to think that that's what you've achieved, then good for you. Be happy. (BTW - "shouting down" does NOT mean that you have won an argument - just that you have the biggest gob.)

I'm going to stick my neck out and write one more comment - sort of running the risk of being seem to (gasp) take this topic seriously.

falange you're being very unpleasant. I'd suggest you either actually engage or, umm, be quiet. Laughing at women and dismissing them when they are pointing out genuine unfair treatment is highly misogynistic

Happy and bluntness I've argued directly with a couple of your posts but you haven't paid me the courtesy of reciprocating.

I am not ashamed to get carried away on a thread defending women's rights to occupy public space without intrusive comments. Roll your eyes and sneer as much as you like.

Yup - I sometimes post a little frenzy of posts back to back. How embarrassing!

Grow up.

Cross post happy

FWIW I did not interpret your comment as lighthearted despite having heard the quote. So I responded in kind.

I have not been aggressive. If you think I have, report it.

I respect your right not to you see the offence in the man's comment. I am very perplexed as to why you and others refuse to believe people when they say they personally are offended.

I'll take the biggest gob comment as a compliment. I know that in your world an outspoken woman is an abomination, but you already know we differ on those things...

And now I'm off to Sainsbury's to police old men's shopping. So long.

Merchant, sorry but you're going on and on and on so much I lost interest. The threads not about you. Start you're own one if you fancy. 🙄

I've argued directly with a couple of your posts but you haven't paid me the courtesy of reciprocating

I've given up trying to teach pigs to sing Merchant. That's why. We obviously have opposing viewpoints. You appear to be getting annoyed that I won't agree with yours. I couldn't care less whether you agree with mine.

It doesn't bother me either how many back-to-back posts you make, and I may have missed it, but I can't see where anyone else has had a dig about that either. Posting as often as you wish is your prerogative. Feel free to exercise it.

You point out that PLENTY of people have agreed with the OP. Well, plenty have disagreed with her, as well. That's life.

Fancy a pint Bluntness? There's a domino handicap on at The One-Eyed Stag. Should be an exciting night.

I have not been aggressive. If you think I have, report it

The aggression I commented on was in relation to the OP's response to what to me would have been a lighthearted remark (as described in the original post) - not to anything you had posted. It's not all about you.

Personally I like to practice tolerance. Shouting at lonely old men who are just making conversation to the point where other shoppers intervene and tell you to stop is intolerant and just plain nasty. This perceived sexist harrassment is an excuse for just being plain nasty.

Sounds as if he was trying to be friendly in an odd way but it came out all wrong. By your admittance you immediately became angry after his first comment and gave a smart arse reply. There you both should have left it, he was silly, you were aggressive.

Just watched First Dates from last week. It made me tearful and reminded me of this thread.
A 91 year old man spoke about how he went to the shop as the interaction with the assistant would be the only conversation he would have that week.

Yes he may have been clumsy/rude but maybe he hadn't spoken to anyone in a week and was just clumsily trying to initiate a conversation

Instead of jumping on and attacking for his sexism/rudeness how about tolerance and understanding - it doesn't always have to be an outraged argument

He had a wife