FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

I would have told him to mind his own business,what I was eating had nothing to with him. I hate it when people do this. Starting a conversation?! My arse! You can start a conversation without being personal.

He was being rude.

Better responses were available though.

I live in the Midlands and we talk to random strangers in shops/lifts/parks all the time. Used to live in London and it was very different there.

Perhaps the old fella is on the autistic spectrum or has dementia. Perhaps he's lonely and has poor social skills. Perhaps he's an arse. Wherever his problem, it is his problem.

Sounds like you are very stressed to have reacted like this. Stress is bad for you. I think you should focus on yourself, not the old fella.

If someone mentioned to me somethings fattening or calorific, I'd probably be dim enough to think they're commenting on their own diet or efforts to lose weight. I can't usually be bothered engaging in small talk with strangers so would have thrown off a tinkly dismissive laugh whilst picking up a triple club sandwich, crisps and chocolate. Just ignore random strangers comments OP, what's the point in making yourself feel worse by giving a shit?

Without a doubt the man was lacking in social skills.

But my reaction would have been to joke back at him. You are justified in letting him know he upset you but to be honest i think you ended up upsetting yourself as much as anyone.

I had a friend in college who one night after I got in somewhere (we were both blagging in) with ease and she (far more beautiful and older than me) was questioned and put in her place. She utterly lost the rag at me and screamed at me that life was just so EASY for me and how unfair it was. I realised that all the examples she gave of people flexing to me and giving her a hard time were because of how we interacted with people, strangers or teachers or whoever. She was always defensive and ready to fight her corner. I never have a corner to fight and don't take anything personally, so could happily turn around to the man you describe OP and laugh and pleasantly say 'aw, you'll make me feel bad eating it but I think I'll have it anyway. What are you having?'.

It makes life so much easier to not let people get under your skin and to realise that they rarely rarely intend to.

What is this national say whatever you feel like to people week.
There was another thread on here the other day. Think its still active about. Idiots with too much to say AkA too much time on their hands.
And WTAF did it have to do with Nosey Cuntington in the isle. If you'd have wanted the Parrott. You'd have shaken the seeds.
Fucking people.

I have severe mental health issues. That doesn't give me a free ticket to be rude though.

I think with first comment I may well have replied.
'Hmm, a twat. Definitely a twat.'

Touchy!

Was he an old man?

A man who stopped me to ask for directions decided that somehow entitled him to comment on my appearance, my ancestry and my cultural heritage. I was astounded that some people think they can just launch into judgemental comments on the basis of no acquaintance at all!

There are a million ways to start a conversation and mentioning the fat content of ones lunch isn't one of them!

A similar but unrelated to food incident happened to us the other day - an older lady decided to inform me that my autistic son 'is very upset, isn't he?' I just responded with 'yes' because seriously, what did she want me to say? How is pointing out that my socially awkward child is having a meltdown helpful?

You should DEFINITELY LTB

You don't need this man in your life

I agree that the man's comments could come across as being rude - it's definitely bad manners to comment on others' food choices. However, I'm always surprised at the MN majority response on these types of threads about older people being 'rude'. Whenever there's a thread about a child misbehaving, or making Inappropriate comments, there's always a chorus of 'oh, but he might have SN / ASD'! This confuses me. Do the traits of people who have SN, or are on the autistic spectrum somehow disappear as a person reaches old age - and therefore it's simply a case that they are in fact a dickhead, a twat, an arsehole, and need 'throat punched'? . Where are the parents of dc's with ASD on threads like this one, and what are their thoughts on this being the reaction to their dc's once they reach the later stages of their lives?

No, it wasn't polite conversation, he's the sort who gets his kicks from belittling people. And he obviously thinks As A Man he's allowed to get a tummy, but women have to stay thin, otherwise why would he have told you a) that his wife was thin and b) to live on fresh air (wanker). It was intended to upset you. But I do think that there were ways to have told him his behaviour was unacceptable without having supermarket staff involved, and with the greatest of sympathy, that's something to think about.

As it goes, even if you're not overweight, you get people commenting that the chocolate you're getting from the machine at work will go to your hips. It's not big or clever.

Surely that is just concern? And maybe lack of understanding?

I don't buy the making conversation excuse. If he were on a date and there was awkward silence, then. Yes granted you can often say something stupid and straight away think. OMG. Why did I say that, but You don't have to make conversation in a massive supermarket. !!!!

I always give elderly people the benefit of the doubt. Yes he made some silly foot in mouth comments but then you overreacted. If people noticed and told you to calm down, then you must have been a bit aggressive.

I can't believe people would comment on anyone's lunch in RL...I once went through a long phase of buying a tesco meal deal every morning before work and no one ever told me I was eating unhealthy food 🤔

Yes he was sexist yes he was rude. But potentially he got a kick out of your reaction, or, he was just a bumbling fool who didn't deserve both barrels.

Comments like that I give a blank look, say 'pardon?' And when they repeat themselves (unless they shuffle off) I say 'yes...ok' still with a blank look.

Complete non-engagement means abusive dicks don't get their kicks and harmless fools just shuffle off. And you won't get accused of harassing an old man!

Frankly, you sound awesome.

It was a glorious overreaction on your part. I bet it felt great though

YADNBU. He was rude and mysoginistic.

I think well done for challenging it. We should all do more of that. We put up with this shit all the time, and there is always a reason NOT to challenge it (it's just a joke, he doen't mean any harm, it's rude to make a fuss, it's embarrassing to make a scene, he's from the older generation etc. etc. etc.)

No, fuck it. They need telling. It will ALWAYS be like this if we politely nod and smile.

it was your choice to see his comment in that light. I would probably have chosen to see it as a sign of alzheimers or autism or something similar. I wonder why the other woman saw the situation as you harassing an elderly man? anyway, your choice didnt seem to lead to happiness. we all react in the heat of the moment sometimes