FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

So many people ( it would appear on MN) seem to get offended over nothing and spend lots of precious time feeling outraged. It must be exhausting....

I cannot believe the number of people who are getting at you OP. It doesn't matter if the guy is "socially awkward" or whatever bullshit apologist excuse MNers can come up with. At the end of the day, he would never have said this to a man. Especially if you were a man who could have thumped him flat. are you upset at your size? Yes you are and you're a little sensitive (you don't need to be but to each their own). Were you being U by going off on one with him? Oh HELL NO.
screw what everyone else says and never apologise for standing up for yourself.

YetAnotherSpartacus as long as you're the type that likes the Jam on the scone first.

'Poor guy'?! Really??

Look, if the guy is so sensitive that he's likely to get all upset at a slightly hostile reception to his 'banter', then he should be aware that other people are sensitive too. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

Why are so many people only concerned about the bloke's sensitivities?

Check the OP - she didn't tell him to fuck off. The first really offensive thing that was said by either of them was 'Stay away from all that. All you need is fresh air.' Up until that point, I guess he might just have been awkwardly trying to chat... But seriously, if you think he deserves sensitivity after that, you're being obtuse.

Pixies

ABOMINATION!

YOU ARE THE ANTI-CRUST!!!!!!

I wonder if that man's wife/daughter/home help son here reading this and saying:

"Crikey, Batley* - you have caused a furore! Listen to this." and reading out the choicest posts.

I'd love to think so.

*Very possibly not his real name. Probably not, actually. In fact, almost certainly not.

wife/daughter/home help

Classic

An elderly gentleman (it was in Waitrose...) started talking about the newspaper I was buying. How very dare he talk about my newspaper? Why are people being deliberately obtuse? That isn't the same thing at all.

I posted pages ago about an elderly man making a shy young girl feel absolutely rubbish at an event by saying "OOO YOU'RE NOT ON A DIET THEN?!" over and over again as she tried to eat her meal, remarking on her "good appetite". Not one person commented on that, I believe because it showed these situations for what they really are - men who could say whatever they wanted 50 years ago and believe a woman should be grateful to be told their thoughts on her body and health.

He was just rude.

Precisely NotOne

Yes, Notone, you got it in one.

It's interesting that some posters feel that being offended by something offensive = being offended by everything.

All this eye-rolling is very impolite really. Just because you personally are not upset by something, there's no need to roll your eyes at other people's perfectly legitimate feelings.

It just has to be put in perspective. An older guy made an insensitive and clumsy attempt to engage in conversation over a sandwich. That's it.
Easy to react like that if having a crap day and someone said something that upset and offended however once away from the situation after calming down perspective comes into play. I think continuing to be outraged is a waste of energy.
You choose what your are offended by in life.
First world problems and all that....

I don't think what Blimey is saying is a million miles away from my point. Yes he was rude but of course, let it go - although I would have told him to mind his manners or something. Depends on the circumstances. But afterwards then yes, that's the end of it. Maybe you mean you choose how you react?

Just watching first dates from last week. An old man on there said that sometimes the only conversation he has each week is when he goes to the supermarket. How sad. Could have been the same for the old man in this case.

Well, exactly, blimey You choose what you're offended by (within reason). OP was offended and PLENTY of people have been able to see why. And yet we've had pages and pages of people angry with her because she has those feelings. It's just so impolite to minimise someone's feelings like that.

falange It's a bit different though because we know that the man in the OP has a nice thin wife he can chat to every day...

I don't think anyone can tell you how you should have felt, what you should have said or done etc. You acted the way you needed to. I would have been really pissed off too. Fair one to you for sticking up for yourself. Yes, maybe not completely adult, but we're only human, and I read this and felt like giving you a pat on the back.

On another note, half a stone is nothing. Sometimes hearing dickhead comments like this spur us on to do what we need to/want to.

To clarify, I'm not ruling out the possibility that OP's response was on the extreme side.

What I am objecting to is the need some posters have not only to identify an overreaction but then to defend the man and his behaviour so completely. And then to go even further and paint him as a victim. It's so unfair!

It's as if some posters are desperate to heap as much blame as possible on an offended woman - so it's not just 'well, perhaps you could have been calmer but yeah he was insensitive' but instead 'you are unreasonable for having those feelings AND you have ruined a poor old man's day.' Where's the blame for him? Is he incapable of thinking through his words before he speaks them? Are all old men bumbling idiots?? NO!!

There's a particular breed of poster who is really angered by other people's feelings and feels outraged if someone (usually a woman...) is offended.

But the question is aibu. And therefore we are able to say yes we think she was bu and why.

Yes, indeed. Some people don't stop there though ("You kind of overreacted") which is kind of my point... They keep going until they've totally excused all of his comments and turned OP into a silly hysterical woman looking for offence where there is less than none.

If you check OP she admitted right off that she overreacted. Her AIBU was AIBU not to tolerate comments of this nature.

So many people ( it would appear on MN) seem to get offended over nothing and spend lots of precious time feeling outraged. It must be exhausting....

And the op has raised the bar, after shouting at the old man, deciding to in some way spite him by getting full fat iron Bru and crisps, then went home all upset and has now escalated it to despairing for her daughter and the future.

Exhausting indeed when you consider this all stemmed from some old bloke saying her wrap was fattening and he was struggling with his weight but his his wife managed it better than him. I'd hate to see how the op would have reacted if he'd really said something offensive.

Why are you so worried if OP is exhausted? You couldn't give a shit if she was offended...

Why not worry about the actual problem OP has identified rather than inventing one for her?

Also, nowhere does OP say she shouted. Why not believe her version rather than rewrite it all in a way that suits you?