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Original poster

FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

650 replies

LunchRant · 27/04/2017 14:00

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 09:02

you are a woman out in public and therefore decoration

HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 09:07

He made a horrible comment to me which didn't register until I'd just walked through the doors, so I walked back in and loudly told him to go fuck himself.

Your response may or may not have been warranted - without knowing the comment I can't judge - but I still think that OP went over the top with this bloke. He was trying (unsuccessfully)to be friendly and have a brief moment of human social contact and she savaged him.

Perhaps if she is so sensitive to comments she should wear a tee-shirt warning people. If he'd said something like - "Enjoy your lunch! It looks tasty - all fattening food is, but you don't need to worry about your weight" would she have regarded his comment as equally intrusive?

kaitlinktm · 29/04/2017 09:08

Cheval
I was desperate for anything, hungry, sweet shop man used to tell me I'd get fat if I kept eating them

Cheeky devil - if he was that bothered about your health why have a sweet shop in the first place?

I am disheartened by all the people on this thread who are telling the OP to just put up with it. She overreacted, but to have just placated him and made him think it was ok - no.

And for those saying he did not say she was fat - he advised her to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need." So she should have nothing but fresh air for her lunch? Certainly I would think he was implying she was fat - but whatever his intentions, he has no right to comment on other people's shopping/food choices etc and if he is elderly it's high time he learnt that.

kaitlinktm · 29/04/2017 09:13

If he'd said something like - "Enjoy your lunch! It looks tasty - all fattening food is, but you don't need to worry about your weight" would she have regarded his comment as equally intrusive?

Well I certainly would - if he'd stopped after "tasty" - all fine - but why bring fattening into it at all?

Would you of gone ape shit if another woman had mentioned it? Or would you of laughed it off?

Can't speak for the OP - but yes, I would have been just as annoyed with a woman.

Not saying I would have reacted the same way as the OP - but I certainly wouldn't have been having a cosy chat and a laugh about it.

People should think about what they are saying - "Oh that looks lovely" - all fine, but "Ooh, that's fattening" - then it becomes more judgemental.

Voice0fReason · 29/04/2017 09:36

I don't understand how come people can't see that there are options between laughing it off and a huge over-reaction.

You are capable of challenging comments like that assertively, so you get your point across better and you walk away with your head held high feeling better about yourself.

kaitlinktm · 29/04/2017 09:52

Yes I agree Voice - the OP reaction was OTT (I think she said that herself) but the people who are saying - oh just have a laugh about it, say "yes I am fat" or whatever, that's just making this an acceptable thing to say when you want to chat with someone - and it's not.

mumto2two · 29/04/2017 10:04

Cannot believe the intolerance on here. No wonder society has become what it is. Political correctness gone mad. Are people so trumped up and insecure about themselves, that even friendly banter, albeit a little ineptly delivered, is taken to a fictional level of personal assault?
Thankfully I have always been happy in my own skin, and have never taken offence to any stranger's overtures at conversation. From the builders who whistle, to the chaps who tell you to cheer up & smile..or the jolly man in the supermarket tutting at the array of chocolates I was deliberating, telling me jokingly, I might end up like him. Thankfully my beautiful teenage daughter is also happy in her own skin too, and well equipped to deal with such innocuous banter in the same sane way that anyone should.

It's incredulous really...let's all wear don't talk to me placards and taser anyone who dares to violate our humbug silence Hmm

HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 10:17

It's a sad state of affairs isn't it Mum?

If someone said "Fresh air is all you need" to me I would think he meant that I looked so slender and ephemeral that I mustn't what anything as gross as real food.

I'd probably say - "Oh get on with you." and laugh.

There's a difference between saying that, and saying that someone needs to miss a few meals, which is what others seem to think he was implying.

HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 10:18

*eat - not what

Roomster101 · 29/04/2017 10:28

I think that he was really rude and sexist as I bet he wouldn't have said the same thing to a man. However, although if he was someone I knew I would have told him that, I don't really see why you got so worked up over a stranger's sexist comments. With people like that, I'm just thankful that they are strangers..

falange · 29/04/2017 10:58

My eyes have rolled so often reading some of these posts I'm surprised they haven't fallen out of the back of my head. I'm with the lighten up brigade btw.

QueenofPentacles · 29/04/2017 10:59

hahaha lol you sound like me. Trouble is 'elderly gentlemen' are sometimes very patronising

QueenofPentacles · 29/04/2017 11:03

PS. I was walking along the road smiling the other day and an elderly git I know, said 'cheer up ( my name') I smiled further and muttered under my breath 'go fuck yourself asshole.'
Seeing him made me miserable

mumto2two · 29/04/2017 11:17

Wow..do people really feel like this?? Am more aghast with every sad vitriolic 'people phobe' post I read!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/04/2017 11:20

My eyes have rolled so often reading some of these posts I'm surprised they haven't fallen out of the back of my head. I'm with the why do we put up with men fat-shaming women and commenting on them and their food choices and then wonder why women have so many issues around food brigade. I'm also with the if you are going to make conversation with a stranger then make sure it's not remotely offensive brigade and the he would not have said that to a man brigade.

Wedrine4me · 29/04/2017 11:30

Haven't RTFT
m
He was overweight himself. I don't think he saw the whole half stone overweight person that you think you are. He saw someone with a nice figure compared to his overweightness. He was just making conversation and you over reacted.
Even if his intentions weren't so nice, then the fact he is an arsehole doesn't mean that you should be an arsehole back. Two wrongs don't make a right. Yes you should put him firmly in his place if you feel he was rude, but you overreacted completely and lost the moral high ground.

MariposaLibertad · 29/04/2017 12:17

I do not believe the OP overreacted, no one who strikes up uninvited conversation deserves a polite response. If he wanted a chat he should have started a conversation with a staff member, they are paid to deal with customers at the store, the OP is not.

Wedrine4me · 29/04/2017 12:26

I think that the fact he was overweight hinself is significant.

jojo1717 · 29/04/2017 12:29

Sounds like an awful experience - very sorry you ended up loosing all this time and energy and experienced insult. It's quite normal to react like this to completely unexpected comments and it's rarely helpful if well meaning third parties intervene and judge a situation they have not fully witnessed. Why not let the person who made a stupid comment experience the effect this has on others? Of course, if you are cool enough, you can do the wise thing and ignore him, but it should not be expected from you at all times. I'm sure most of us experience the sorts of situations here and there, I had one recently, too.
From a distance, about this one, I'd say it was probably no bad intention on the part of the guy, but hugely self centred, dumb and careless. I bet he was probably unhappy with his own weight and was hoping to find a companion in you, but with his insulting way of approaching the subject, he hurt you instead. It's reflecting his own attitude, maybe he'd just given up on himself regarding the weight. It looks to me like the way guys talk to each other. Usually ends up in a disaster if they apply this to women.
I feel sad that today food has become such a negative topic. We should enjoy it, try to find good and tasty food, rather than use it to police others.

Marymoosmum14 · 29/04/2017 12:33

I think the initial comment was just trying to make conversation and to start with you handled it well but you were tired, stressed and sensitive about your weight, I think if you'd have said about not caring ge would have been all good for you. I can see how the comment he then made about his wife can be misinterpreted but think it was him saying something nice about his wife, if she wasn't with him she might be ill. Just like he didn't know what was going on in your life and that you really didn't need a comment like that right now, you don't know what is going on in his life right now and he might just have been reaching out. You shouldn't judge on that small snap comment, if the conversation had carried on he would have either said something worse justifying you or you would have seen it was meant as an innocent comment.

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 29/04/2017 12:36

I think the OP did overreact a bit but the comments from people shouting about
PC gone mad because people dare.to oppose everyday sexism and be feminist are really grim

mumto2two · 29/04/2017 12:37

no one who strikes up uninvited conversation deserves a polite response ??!!
Good Lord...says it all really...
Am sad the world is such a sorry place for you folk Hmm

falange · 29/04/2017 12:40

"no one who strikes up uninvited conversation deserves a polite response."
Really?? Really?? I have conversations with complete strangers all the time. In shops, on public transport, in pubs, in the lift at work. Not always initiated by me either in case I'm sounding like a loony. It's the norm round here. Where on earth do you live if you think someone you don't know talking to you is wrong. I pity you.

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin · 29/04/2017 12:43

Clealry the point is they dont automatically deserve it if they arent polite in what they say. Sorry to get the way of your rant

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2017 12:46

Maybe th folks who like to play top trumps in the bad behaviour scale and like to repeatedly shout fuck off in public places at any perceived small questionable and unintentional slight could start a club? Where you all get together, eat fattening food and shout fuck off loudly at anyone who dares look at you?

Alternatively you could all discuss more measured, intelligent, effective and how to keep it classy ways to deal with said slights that don't make an almighty chavtastic show of yourselves.

Whatever makes you happy 😂