FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

falange "no one who strikes up uninvited conversation deserves a polite response."
Really?? Really?? I have conversations with complete strangers all the time. In shops, on public transport, in pubs, in the lift at work. Not always initiated by me either in case I'm sounding like a loony. It's the norm round here. Where on earth do you live if you think someone you don't know talking to you is wrong. I pity you.

That's your prerogative, I prefer to minimise conversation and I have that right. My DH loves to talk to people in supermarketsand does, he gets funny looks and positive responses in equal number.

There are of course situations where socialising is required, supermarket shopping isn't one of them.

could start a club? Where you all get together, eat fattening food and shout fuck off loudly at anyone who dares look at you?

Sounds great - where do I sign up?

• kaitlinktm could start a club? Where you all get together, eat fattening food and shout fuck off loudly at anyone who dares look at you?

Sounds great - where do I sign up? *

With other people? Nah

could start a club? Where you all get together, eat fattening food and shout fuck off loudly at anyone who dares look at you

That would make a totally excellent body image protest. I'd be there.

Let's see I'd like scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam, all types of cheese (especially triple cream brie), hot chips, vege nachos, malai kofta and some token hummous and felafel for the OP (although that's a bit boringly healthy, apart from in the eyes of males who like to patrol women's food choices).

I'm so up for that club, sounds ossum!

Calzone for me please

Mariposa are you for real???

no one who strikes up uninvited conversation deserves a polite response. If he wanted a chat he should have started a conversation with a staff member, they are paid to deal with customers at the store, the OP is not

I live in a rural area. Chatting to strangers is par for the course. It just depends what's said and the initial reaction you get. Quite often when I'm perusing the cat food aisle in a desperate attempt to remember what Madame is eating this week, I'll have a whinge to others in the same situation. After one brief remark you can usually gauge if they're happy to chat or if they're from London think you're a weirdo. If the latter you just shut up, fair enough.

In this case, the OP obviously didn't like the first remark so IMO the bloke should have shut up then. But he pushed it. Could she have handled it better? Probably, with hindsight. Should he have made remarks about somebody else's food choice being fattening? No. Why on earth would you.

Please don't give that rude man another second of your thinking time. Or, make a voodoo doll . . . YANBU

"no one who strikes up uninvited conversation deserves a polite response."

What rubbish.

I live in a rural area. Chatting to strangers is par for the course. It just depends what's said and the initial reaction you get. Quite often when I'm perusing the cat food aisle in a desperate attempt to remember what Madame is eating this week, I'll have a whinge to others in the same situation. After one brief remark you can usually gauge if they're happy to chat or if they're from London think you're a weirdo. If the latter you just shut up, fair enough.

In this case, the OP obviously didn't like the first remark so IMO the bloke should have shut up then. But he pushed it. Could she have handled it better? Probably, with hindsight. Should he have made remarks about somebody else's food choice being fattening? No. Why on earth would you.

In your example you are in the same aisle presumably there was eye contact before the conversation began, I assume you wouldn't try to make conversation with someone who won't look at you. In the OP's case the man made a point of stopping and starting a conversation with someone who had given no indication they wanted one.

I have in the past had many people (usually men) try to start conversations with me that I didn't want, I used to be polite and engage but was really uncomfortable. I am older now and won't put myself through that to avoid offending someone who thinks they are entitled to my attention.

Which is worse in your opinion, forcing conversation on a person or not giving a polite response?

In your example you are in the same aisle presumably there was eye contact before the conversation began

Thinking about it, yes there usually is. It's so automatic that I don't realise I'm doing it but if I want to talk, or someone else wants to talk, you do generally exchanging glances and a brief smile.

Which is worse in your opinion, forcing conversation on a person or not giving a polite response?

I'm in the "the man was rude, and women shouldn't be socialised to accept this" camp. I would hope I don't force conversation on anyone. No strangers in supermarkets have every yelled at me to fuck off. If I said "oh, my cat loves this one. Today" and someone glared at me, I'd back off. If they told me to fuck off I'd think they were having a very bad day.

If they told me to fuck off over that I wouldn't care what kind of day they were having, I'd think they were a nasty ignorant arse.

After one brief remark you can usually gauge if they're happy to chat or if they're from London

Careful Gabilan - that could be construed as being ^divisive something somethingist"

Which is worse in your opinion, forcing conversation on a person or not giving a polite response?

I'm in the "the man was rude, and women shouldn't be socialised to accept this" camp. I would hope I don't force conversation on anyone. No strangers in supermarkets have every yelled at me to fuck off. If I said "oh, my cat loves this one. Today" and someone glared at me, I'd back off. If they told me to fuck off I'd think they were having a very bad day.

I wasn't accusing you, I was conveying another point of view, sorry if you felt I was being accusatory.

As a shy, introvert, anxiety sufferer I can find interactions difficult, some days I am fine, others I want to hide.

Its funny what you said about Londoners, my DH is from London as is my regular postman, they are both chatty.

"As a shy, introvert, anxiety sufferer I can find interactions difficult, some days I am fine, others I want to hide. "

Other people don't know that though, do they? I don't know about introversion and anxiety, but for shyness the best thing is to practise.

"As a shy, introvert, anxiety sufferer I can find interactions difficult, some days I am fine, others I want to hide."

Other people don't know that though, do they? I don't know about introversion and anxiety, but for shyness the best thing is to practise.

If they are avoiding eye contact assume its a bad idea to engage in conversation.

"If they are avoiding eye contact assume its a bad idea to engage in conversation."

I don't generally talk to strangers, but I don't agree with the eye contact thing. Shy people also avoid eye contact (I do myself), but talking to people is the best way to get over it. Another person wouldn't know that in your case it's more serious than just shyness.

When chuggers talk to me I just walk off :)

When chuggers talk to me I just walk off

I had to look up "chuggers", I keep walking and pretend I can't see or hear them, my DP tells them what he thinks of their bosses salaries, he is great for distracting attention away from me.

Its funny what you said about Londoners, my DH is from London as is my regular postman, they are both chatty.

I bet they're proper Cocker-knees, though.

I have a Cocker-knee friend, and she could almost b Northern! (This is a compliment, BTW)

Just read OP's update at 8pm yesterday. Unfortunately 23 pages of comments have merely convinced her that she is reasonable.

She just sounds nasty and angry - "fearing for her daughter" indeed. Because a man commented on a sandwich, albeit ineptly. I pity that poor daughter being raised to believe that polite conversation is sexist abuse. An elderly gentleman (it was in Waitrose...) started talking about the newspaper I was buying. How very dare he talk about my newspaper? Did he not think a woman could make her own choice? I should have kicked away his stick.

I should have kicked away his stick.

I think you've got a little bit carried away...

I pity that poor daughter being raised to believe that polite conversation is sexist abuse.

I don't agree it was sexist, but neither was it polite.

This thread has made The Sun now.

One step up from the Mail,at least

Though i'm feeling an all new level of pissed-offedness reading through these replies and despairing for my child's future.

What you need to be teaching your dd is that these comments don't matter because she is so secure in her own skin, that they won't mean anything.

It really wouldn't bother me because I don't need validation from anyone. I'm not sensitive to those comments because I feel secure about myself. Surely that's a better message to teach our kids rather than teaching them to tell random people to fuck off. Sure teach them to Stand up for themselves in an assertive yet controlled way. I can do that if I need to but don't despair because many of us have said you overreacted. You did.

Your obviously sensitive about your weight at the mo and overreacted. Poor guy!