FUMING about this man's comments on my lunch at the supermarket!

[LunchRant]

Working from home today. Extremely stressed as I'm really behind on deadlines for things. Decided to pop out for some fresh air and lunch. Went to the big Tesco near me and was browsing the lunch aisle (meal deal sandwiches etc) when a guy just walks by and tuts. Then he says "That's fattening. Definitely fattening."

I have definitely went up a size recently due to not having time to do my usual exercise routine, crappy sleep, and snacking for energy while i'm up at midnight typing/working. But the madness will end by the end of May and I can focus on losing weight again. Not my priority right now.

So i immediately got angry. Told him that he'd best stay away from it then (It was a hummus, falafel wrap btw). He giggled. Still didn't budge. He said something like he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years. But his wife is still as thin as the day they got married. Then advised me to "stay away from all that. Fresh air is all that you need."

I asked if that's all his wife ate, fresh air. And i asked him to come over and tell me what i should be eating then. I was quite arsey. "Come on. since you've got such an opinion on what i should eat. Come and choose for me."

Another woman who had recently appeared in the aisle said i should calm down. Clearly the man was just trying to make conversation. I told her he should have said hello then and commented on the rain like a normal person. Not comment on my calorie intake.

Then the man starts acting like a victim. "now, now, that's not what i meant. Just being friendly." Tesco employee emerges, just walking by, and the woman informs him that I'm harassing an elderly gentleman.

The employee looked a bit awkward. Asked if everything was okay. I just grumbled 'fuck this'. Put down the bottle of water i was holding, swapped it for a full fat bottle of irn bru and also got a packet of crisps. Childishly said a big 'Yum'. Then told the man "you should be ashamed of yourself." then went and paid.

15 minute walk home and I'm still reeling!

Yes i over reacted. Yes i am half a stone overweight in terms of BMI. Yes i'm still stuffing myself into size 12 clothes when i'm now a 14. And yes, i'm touchy about it.

But i am so pissed off that someone feels it's their right to comment on what someone else eats (especially when he was clearly overweight himself!)

And i'm also pissed off that the woman just passed it off as 'friendly chatter'.

I now don't think i can go back there for a few weeks as I'm so embarrassed. Can't even stomach eating this lunch now as i'm actually feeling guilty about eating something so 'fattening'. Arsehole.

Also can't find the motivation to continue with this work. An hour til DD finishes school. Was hoping i'd make some progress today. Nope!

Only he wasn't passing a friendly remark. He was being rude.

If he wanted to pass a friendly remark he could have always mentioned something mundane like the weather!

There's being a feminist.....and then there's just being a dickhead!

See, on a different take on this, I like a nice treat as much as the next person. I've had to learn to be quite assertive.

Last week, I was in M&S looking a bit worst for wear, (calm down daily mail I wasn't in my fluffy dressing gown) , I'd had no sleep due to pain and was zombied up on painkillers. DS is SNs and i was hunting for some specific trousers. Treated myself to some bits on the way out, and as I walk out I go the wrong way, manager appears out of nowhere, patronising smiley face "can I help you?". Me: "No I'm fine I've just gone the wrong way". Patronising smiley face again and the same question "No. I'm fine thankyou. I told you, I just went the wrong way that's all".

Manager laughs it off "oh I know its like a maze isn't it!

My point being. If I'd have walked in in smart casual dress ive no doubt the manager wouldn't have stopped me.

Thats what people are trying to point out here, if the OP was a bloke, the man wouldn't have said anything, even if the OP was still a woman, I've no doubt he wouldn't have said anything to her about her lunch being fattening if she was a size 10.

Personally, i think the woman who got herself involved in the conversation when there was absolutely no for her to do so was just as bad if not worse. He started it with an inappropriate comment so she has no business to describe your response as 'harrassing an elderly gentleman'. If he had kept his mouth shut, you wouldn't have had any kind of exchange with him, so cannot be described as harrassing him. The reverse is true, he was harrassing you. I expect he's been an irritating little prick since the day he was born.

I might have missed something but wasn't he just lookinv over the sandwiches saying certain things were fattening and that he had a belly?

PuffinNose no. He was commenting on the OPs wrap she was holding in her hand and saying it was fattening.

Yanbu. I think it is time for women to fire back to this kind of behaviour. Smilling and nodding is just submissive behaviour.

Honestly don't get the furore over this. I've had similar comments while deliberating over chocolate.. and I'm by BMI standards..classed as underweight. And no I was not in the slightest bit offended. I laughed and had a friendly bit of banter. Which is all this chap probably had in mind too.

Arseholes. Poor you OP.

I'll bet the man's bloody wife regularly tells him the food he has chosen is fattening. They always say that's what you should do with "good" advice - pass it on... He probably had the same wrap in his own shopping basket, but the OP was too busy being irate to notice.

Hands up who thinks OP should launch a national manhunt for Tesco wrap man and apologise? Me me me!

Yes, I get the issues
No, I'm not missing the point

You're overweight and touchy about it, and took it out on an elderly gentleman making conversation. YABVU.

How the fuck does everyone know that he wouldn't have said it to a man?! All mind readers are we?

If he had said 'oi, you fat fuck, put it back and eat some carrot sticks!' then yes, be offended, but seriously, he made a passing comment and you had a major over-reaction to it.

You could sell that as a sketch to bbc3. It's all judge, judge what we do. It's your lunch! Do remember a million years ago when starving hungry used to buy jelly babies on way to ride horse, post school from a weird kiosk. Long walk. I was desperate for anything, hungry, sweet shop man used to tell me I'd get fat if I kept eating them. So I lied and said they were for horse. So then he just added horse will get fat. Stupid man probably meant well but didn't help.

"You're overweight and touchy about it, and took it out on an elderly gentleman making conversation. YABVU."

This.

YANBU
Some others have said it already, but:

• he didn't HAVE to make conversation, he chose to!
• he was out of line with what he said
• he wouldn't have said that to a man, indeed not
• it's none of anyone's business what you're eating or what your weight is.
• I'd be reeling too!
• you don't need to get over yourself as some have suggested, us women laugh things away and put up with sexist comments too often!

Just read your post back where does it say anything about him mentioning your weight? If you had just wrote some random walked up to me in tesco while i was looking at the sandwiches and tuted that they were fattening i would of just said yeah they are! You were the one that mentioned your size...total overreaction.

Complete over reaction by you. He didn't mention your weight!

You clearly have insecurities and took it out on an old man who awkwardly tried to initiate conversation.

He said he's been losing the same battle with his stomach for years

That's mentioning her weight. Just because he didn't go as far as calling the OP a fat fuck doesn't make it okay that he stopped, tutted, and commented on her food choice first. That's rude.

I'd have laughed it off and come back with something wittier, but the OP is not me.

Would you of gone ape shit if another woman had mentioned it? Or would you of laughed it off?

Poor bloke I should think he wondered what had hit him!!
Relax don't be so sensitive.

I work at tescos.... Trust me. Lots of older men come in and make comments like this. They come put with lots of random things which could be taken the wrong way. Usually they make the comments as something to say or they see it as 'a funny comment' he was probably trying to make you laugh..... Then it all went badly wrong. If you had asked him if he thought you were over weight he probably would not have thought you were in the slightest, a 12-14 is not over weight at all, so to him he probably thought you would laugh along with him.
My husband occasionally makes these badly worded comments to me without thinking before he opens his mouth.....
I don't think he ment to upset you x

I agree with everything you said, OP. He thinks he has the right to comment on what you're eating/your weight because you are a woman out in public and therefore decoration. How on earth are other posters managing to understand stopping with no intention of browsing the shelves, tutting at what the OP is holding and talking about it being fattening, then referring to him ALSO losing the battle against weight gain (when she never told him she was) and telling her to live on fresh air as attempts at conversation. Why should she smile politely at that? To everyone saying its a generational thing - women were sexually harassed and assaulted in years gone by. Just because women had no choice but to put up with it then doesn't mean that it was ok, as recent court cases show. Just because he's been speaking to women like that all his life it doesn't somehow make it right.

I'm not sure how I would have reacted. I tend to revert to smile and nod because I hate confrontation and can't think of anything on the spot but I hate myself later. I've been raised to be polite and not cause a scene. It's difficult to go against that when put in that situation suddenly.

I remember a man telling me to smile before. Something about how much prettier I'd look? I was extremely depressed and suicidal at the time. Carrying my son in the freezing cold and the rain because I'd misjudged the weather and he had no coat on and was shivering and his medical condition meant he couldn't walk very far. I had miles left to go and couldn't afford a bus. Had to keep stopping because he was so heavy for me and my arms were on fire. And in that moment that man decided that he'd like me better if I was looking a bit prettier for him and I should know that because my number one aim is to look pleasing to random men.

I also have a shameful supermarket story. Mine was worse. Mine involved a man dressed up and collecting for charity, so everyone assumed he was a lovely guy. He made a horrible comment to me which didn't register until I'd just walked through the doors, so I walked back in and loudly told him to go fuck himself... While he was dressed as a dog. The gasps all around me were amazing. I don't swear very often but he deserved it. I still go back to that supermarket so don't be put off.