To be upset about photos on husbands phone?

[blueocean88]

We're on holiday at the moment and I was on my husbands iPad with our son looking through photos, he got excited swiping through and accidentally deleted one. I went into deleted photos to retrieve it and there's photos in there that my husbands taken of women around the pool. Obviously angry/upset I looked at his messages and he'd messaged a friend saying there was loads of Milfs in our hotel. He's since deleted that message but can only assume he's sent the photos to his friend. I'm really upset about it, haven't said anything to husband yet as don't even know what to say and really don't want to ruin our holiday. Would you be upset about this?

No idea why what looks like a Welsh place name came up in middle of 'blissfully unaware H'........Also 'been caught' not ' being caught' and 'that' mate not 'tat' mate Bloody spell check !

If this happened in my relationship it would be the end of it. But then that's because it would mean that my oh was living a double life. Nice normal thoughtful person with me, misogynistic twat on his own. I couldn't be friends with someone who did this let alone be married to them. Honestly? Taking 'multiple' photos of women without their permission and then messaging your mate..... This is acceptable 'normal' male behaviour? Fuck that shit.. sigh of so depressing that anyone thinks it's ok.

Ewww what a creep. Reminds me of my ex who used to save pics of his colleague from FB (holiday snaps in bikinis) and fap off over them.

Agree: tragically low standards.

The issue is not the "looking" at other women or the "banter" text home, both of which are disrespectful but depending on context if your relationship not fatal.

It's the perving after women who have no idea they're being photographed. That's seriously weird and creepy behaviour.

Yes l agree AF it's very disheartening. Also why is your holiday enjoyment Op more important than these women's rights to not be anything from paranoid and devastated their kids might see it (or whoever ) to slightly embarrassed and annoyed their bikini ( or worse if they were topless) images are out there..

I meant depends on the women how badly this might affect them. Very few would be happy about it l imagine !

Creep, pervert, pig.

Whats causing you most concern op? The pictures of the message your DP sent to his mate?

What do you want to happen? Can you go for a walk somewhere to discuss how you feel about it?

Isn't he just appreciating beauty in the world? (albeit being a bit of a twat by wanting to capture it on his ipad.)

It's perfectly normal and natural for humans to look at (and even make comments to each other about) other humans bodies.

We are not justified in saying he's a sleazeball - we don't know him.

Let us know how it goes op.

*oops - the pictures - or the message DP sent to his mate?

I'm very relaxed about porn, strip clubs, lap dances etc but I would have a significant issue with this. There would be no "is this the time or the place". My husband would be left in no doubt how perverse this was and how pissed off i was.

You see these men on holiday, peering over their sunglasses watching you, or pretending to play with their phones and watching you, or pretending to read their papers and watching you instead. They make me feel really uncomfortable and I feel sorry for the wives when they are married to letches. No way they don't know it. But to take pics is something else entirely, I'm not sure I would end my marriage over it, but it would absolutely change my view of him and would be a major issue.

The other point to note is, if he is doing this when you are with him, what's he doing when you aren't there, it speaks volumes about who he is.

Would your reaction change if he was caught photographing these women? By them, by their partners, by hotel staff? Because if you're only thinking "now is not the time" because no one else knows, then that also says something about you, I'm sorry. My reaction would be the same, whether he was caught or not, and it would be immediate and extreme.

Thing is Bluntness, it's a continuum. If you pay women for sex, then it changes your perception of them. You start to view them as objects for your consumption. That is what this man is doing. No different, he's just not paying for it.

And talking about eye candy with your mates is hugely different from seeking out women to surreptiously photographing them. Massively different

Men perv all the time, some are obvious and some have become masters in disguising it.
I work with a lot of men, all v professional well educated high salary lovely family type men, we are away from home a lot, I have been doing this career 20+ yrs and they (mostly) all perv.
OP's dh is an idiot not a fucking sex offender. He's over stepped the level of generally accepted perving.

I anticipate a lot more men than you think do this kind of thing.

What were the photos of? Ladies sunbathing or zoomed in close ups of nipples etc??

We can't, but just imagine we could see all the photos and texts taken around holiday pools.

Are you lot really suggesting and believing that men do this and woman don't?

I think the only difference is men are seen as sleazy and woman are "having a laugh"

I have far more male fb friends than female, and can honestly say posts relating to how hot someone is are far more prevalent from woman where their friends all pile in commenting.

Some of the reaction on here is insane.

It's teenage boy behaviour. I'd be pissed off but wouldn't let it ruin my holiday. He was immature (and creepy) and showing off to his friend.

I agree

Hang on, what's with blaming the OP for this? Just because she hasn't immediately run off to the nearest solicitor to start divorce proceedings, doesn't make her in any way complicit or culpable in her husband's pervings. Misogyny out in force again today, I see.

Are you lot really suggesting and believing that men do this and woman don't?

I know no woman who takes photos of scantily clad men round the pool and sends them to her mates commenting on how fuckable they are, much less ones on holidays with their husbands.

I also agree that most men perv, but there is a whole difference between having a quick ogle and secretly taking pictures. That makes my skin crawl.

Beyond sleazy.

bluntness
You probably do know a few but they know better to share that with you as you'd loose your marbles with disapproval obvs

Imagine if you had a DD - how would he like to think of some revolting man taking pics of her and sending them to his mates without her knowledge - or his wife's. OR how would he feel about some bloke taking pics of your DS when he's an adult and doing the same thing?

That new perspective might open his eyes a bit!

What a slimeball . Yuck.

OP i would call him out on this, LOUDLY, and if possible with an audience of his so called "MILFS" in earshot . Horrible man .

Bit of luck all of them will be there and they might chuck him in the deep end

Soapy - I agree it's really more common that people might think.

But just because something happens a lot doesn't make it ok! We used to think it was ok to burn or drown women pretty much for using herbs, and crowds of people would watch as popular entertainment - that doesn't make it ok to accuse someone of witchcraft and execute them!

If we don't challenge these attitudes, they will just continue into future generations when hopefully western society at least is taking steps to be more equal.

OP, sorry you are going through this, particularly when you are on holiday and likely to be without any real-life support.

It is grim.

I think I would have a quiet word with him, not airing relationship issues in public (because if another man found out or thought he had taken a photo of his wife, it may turn violent).

Explain this behaviour is totally inappropriate, you don't want a repeat of it and ask why he has done it. It's pretty sick behaviour from a grown adult male, behaviour that should have been left in the teenager years.

Sorry OP but you are planning on having a second child with someone you've described as childish amongst other things.

He needs to grow up a lot.

What if one of the women had noticed him photographing them? Depending where you are, the police could become involved. Nice end to your holiday that would be.

Grim.