To be upset about photos on husbands phone?

[blueocean88]

We're on holiday at the moment and I was on my husbands iPad with our son looking through photos, he got excited swiping through and accidentally deleted one. I went into deleted photos to retrieve it and there's photos in there that my husbands taken of women around the pool. Obviously angry/upset I looked at his messages and he'd messaged a friend saying there was loads of Milfs in our hotel. He's since deleted that message but can only assume he's sent the photos to his friend. I'm really upset about it, haven't said anything to husband yet as don't even know what to say and really don't want to ruin our holiday. Would you be upset about this?

[Beeziekn33ze]

Just tell him to grow up before he gets himself into trouble.

[BlondeBecky1983]

The message could be construed as blokey banter, the photos are downright creepy. What a perv!

[Fruitcorner123]

Not a doormat at all and it's easy to come on mumsnet and type LTB or imagine we know what we would do in your shoes but we don't really do we? However "disgusting and childish bravado with friends" isn't exactly something that i would want to accept as part of my marriage so even if it is that and there's nothing more to it I think it would be a deal breaker for a lot of women or at least a trigger to have a very serious chat and make some big changes. You have avoided confronting him about this and it's not clear why.

[Blimey01]

Some of this advice is so ott.
' Get a flight a flight home', 'Plan a divorce'.... ridiculous!!
Yes he's acted like a knob and made a mistake but if i was you i would just keep it together for the sake of my son enjoying the last few days of the hol. You could tell him you know and he will feel like a total dick for being caught out and looking so sleazy. Pretty unattractive behaviour but hardly grounds for divorce.

[RiseToday]

I would chalk this up to him being a immature douchebag (as long as he is suitably embarrassed and remorseful) but on the whole I don't think this is a divorce situation!

[Fruitcorner123]

I doubt the op is going to go for a divorce based on this. The thing is it's important to respect to partner and surely you couldn't respect someone who did this? I worry that the suggestion its just "immature" or " childish" plays it down and suggests the op should just roll her eyes at his stupidity and carry on with her marriage without even addressing the fact that he has shown her (and two other women)a complete lack of respect. Can she honestly be sure this is the only time he has done something like this and even if it is can this really be acceptable?

[38cody]

what is a milf?

[RiseToday]

A milf is a mum I'd like to fuck

[wevegottobeathemdown]

Sometimes I think Mumsnet women do not understand men at all. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[ShaniaTwang]

Op you're minimising... it doesn't matter about doing it on this thread or on mn, but don't do it to yourself so you can justify his behaviour and being married to him another life you have, now or in the future.

[ShaniaTwang]

*and the life you have

[blueocean88]

@wevegottobeathemdown please can you expand on that??

[LonginesPrime]

Sometimes I think Mumsnet women do not understand men at all.

If you're implying that this is normal acceptable behaviour and 'just how men are', then I'll be the first to put my hands up and admit that you're correct, in my case, at least. I do not understand men at all.

[blueocean88]

@ShaniaTwang I am minimising on here because I do feel some of the comments are a bit OTT if I'm honest. It doesn't mean I'm dismissing it as childish banter and just pretending everything's ok, I'm truly devastated and can't find any excuses for what he's done, I think it's disgusting and terrible behaviour and something that we need to talk seriously about.

[OverthinkingSpartacus]

It's grim.

I don't care if people think I'd be OTT but if I discovered dh had been taking photos of women going about their holiday for his sexual kicks and/or to show his mates for thier kicks I couldn't forgive. Him knowingly doing it without the consent of the women is disgusting too. What you describe doesn't sound like an impulsive childish action, it sounds like a calculated choice.

He knows full well those women were not consenting to having pics taken but didn't care and took their photos anyway.

If he has sent them on, he knows full well he didn't have consent for that either..Men who don't care about getting a woman's consent are not not lovely or nice men.

He's shown that at least once, that a woman's consent doesn't matter to him, and he will just do want he wants. Id be worried that as he's done it to strangers so easily, had he taken pics of me without my consent too, and maybe shared them. I'd also not want him teaching our children about consent either.

[ItsThisOneThing]

Yeah I'd be upset too but I can also imagine me taking a sneaky pic of a hot guy round the pool to send to the girls. Wouldn't mean anything but I can see how it would look if my hubs found it. I can also see how that could make me look like a creep! But I'm not!

I wonder if a guy came on posting the same thing about finding 2 photos on his wife's phone would get the same reaction? I doubt it. I think MILF is used by guys in same way as girls use hottie etc.

LTB etc...totally over the top. Just speak to him, explain you found them & are upset by them.

[Narnia72]

I think a lot of the reactions on here are OTT and I think if the roles were reversed people would be much slower to condemn. As far as privacy laws go, I presume people out in public are fair game to have their photos taken, otherwise celebs would be constantly suing for unflattering pictures taken of them.

I suspect he did it in an idle moment and was showing off to his mate. The photography is sleazy, and I'd want a conversation in which I made it clear how uncomfortable and disrespectful I found it, as it upset you, but LTB, come on. Do you all have perfect relationships that you can be so stringent about a bit of errant behaviour?

I will hold my hand up and say that in a similar situation I'd be enjoying the view! I texted a friend recently to say I was surrounded by male eye candy. My DH was with me and was laughing at me, saying put your tongue away. Our joint view is we're married, not dead, and it's ok to look, just not to do anything. We often point out people we think the other one might fancy. We're pretty secure in our relationship and know that it's not serious. In this situation it's the underhanded nature of it that I would find upsetting.

OP, in your shoes I'd try and forget about it and enjoy the rest of the holiday. Talk to him when you're back and explain why you found it upsetting and disrespectful. -Then LTB- :-) I'm sure if he is a decent guy he'll be mortified and apologise.

[Cuppaoftea]

He might be mortified at being caught by his Wife but I would suspect that'll be all, he knew how wrong it was to take those photos yet did so regardless.

Op you are minimising. What struck me when reading through the thread wasn't a chorus of 'LTB' but a general consensus of how creepy and weird his behaviour is. Which I agree with.

He took photos of those unsuspecting women without their consent for his sexual gratification. It's perverted and borderline criminal.

[Guitargirl]

I am not going to say LTB but I am struggling to see how any woman could find a man like that attractive. I wouldn't be letting a man like that anywhere near me again OP. Much less plan to have another baby with.

[WomblingThree]

So all of you who are on about consent, when you take a picture in a public place do you ask every single person who might be in the frame for consent? Of course you bloody don't.

As usual, hysterical overreactions have taken over the actual facts of the matter. It isn't illegal to take a photo of people sitting by a pool. If it was, every person who had ever been on holiday would have been prosecuted at some point.

I'm not denying that the intent is sleazy, but how are you going to set about proving intent in a court of law. Two photos on a iPad, which the OP has no clue whether he even sent to his friend, and a text about MILFs. Several women have said they might text their mates saying "hot lifeguard". In the absence of any actual evidence he took the photos to perv on, what sane person is going to leave their marriage and start trying to unravel their lives over a bloody text message?

Yes he's a knob, but I think that a lot of the LTB crusaders forget that their are real people on the other side of the screen. The competitive outrage reaches frenzied heights and it doesn't really help a woman who just posted for a bit of support.

I presume the posters who are so quick to throw "pithy" one liners into threads like this have utterly perfect husbands who are too scared to step one inch out of line, and have never actually experienced the messy heartache of ending a marriage.

[Cuppaoftea]

WomblingThree It is precisely the intent that makes the difference. He didn't capture these women as incidental bystanders in a photo of his child playing by the pool. His intent was sexual, his photographing of them targeted.

And a fleeting approving glance of these women (hurtful to his Wife if she wasn't cool with it but not criminal) wasn't enough. He felt the need to take images so he had hard copies for his own use/to share later.

It is very risky behaviour, he knows what the consequences would be of other parents around the pool discovering he's doing this.

Which is what makes me think he's done it before, the fact he's prepared to take that level of risk.

[WomblingThree]

Cuppaoftea my comments about intent were with regards to all the comments about it being "illegal". I just meant intent couldn't be proven from two pictures, not that intent wasn't there.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I agree it's disgusting. Time to have a serious discussion with him about appropriate behaviour. He is almost 30 and this is not attractive behaviour of a grown man. But ltb. Really?

[Bahhhhhumbug]

So you're other going to give these poor unsuspecting women the best chance of minimising the possibility of being displayed all over the internet as 'Milf' . Whilst you leave your H in blissful ignorance he's being caught he's hardly going to warn his mate to get rid or my wife's gonna tell your wife Also anything in recycle bin can be reinstated so again blissfuLlysfaen unaware pervy H might decide later on to have another wank look at them and /or share them with tat mate ( if he's not already) or somebody else. So basically OP you are not willing to help these other women by doing everything in your power to prevent spread of these images or at very least find out if they've already been shared and with whom. All in order to save your holiday with this creep !!!!.............nice .

[AnyFucker]

Some women have very, very low standards