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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset about photos on husbands phone?

273 replies

blueocean88 · 24/04/2017 20:03

We're on holiday at the moment and I was on my husbands iPad with our son looking through photos, he got excited swiping through and accidentally deleted one. I went into deleted photos to retrieve it and there's photos in there that my husbands taken of women around the pool. Obviously angry/upset I looked at his messages and he'd messaged a friend saying there was loads of Milfs in our hotel. He's since deleted that message but can only assume he's sent the photos to his friend. I'm really upset about it, haven't said anything to husband yet as don't even know what to say and really don't want to ruin our holiday. Would you be upset about this?

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 25/04/2017 19:30

There is a world of difference between a quick glance at someone and taking photos of someone without their knowledge, and then sending it on to a friend.

The OP's husband and his friend probably then wonder why topless sunbathing is rare nowadays, compared with 10-15 years ago when few people had iPads or phone cameras.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/04/2017 19:32

Not funny and not amusing. God knows what he "maybe" would do... After taking photos etc.

And does OP really think her DH would be happy or not angry if the shoe/boot were on the other foot?! I'm sure he wouldn't be laughing it off.

Photos are bad enough, the comments and sharing with his mate make it even worse. And it's not funny.

CaptainBrickbeard · 25/04/2017 19:42

People checking each other out or commenting to their friends about someone attractive is one thing - taking photos of unknowing and unconsenting strangers in their swimwear, whether for sexual gratification or to mock, is just abhorrent. It's awful. It makes me never want to get in a bikini and sunbathe again. Reading this has made my skin crawl on behalf of the photographed women - can anyone on this thread who is justifying his behaviour as 'what men do' please say how you would feel if you caught this guy taking a picture of you by the pool?

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 19:43

One doesn't have to be perfect to judge this behaviour

Do you judge Adolf Hitler ? Fred West ? By your logic nothing is off limits.

CoffeeAndEnnui · 25/04/2017 19:54

I'll just leave this here.

To be upset about photos on husbands phone?
AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 19:59

Yes, very clever

But what do you make of ijusteantfiveminutespeace stupid comment ?

CaptainBrickbeard · 25/04/2017 20:01

And Soapy, the fact that you photographed a guy in his speedos and put it in your Facebook is pretty horrifying to me. I can see that you consider it harmless and fun and I know why, but it's really not an ok thing to do. I'm not clear on whether you put his picture up to lust after him, mock him or if it was a 'hey, look at these wacky foreigners and their tight swimwear!' but any of those are pretty distasteful. I know that we can have our photo taken in a public place, but just because you can take someone's picture doesn't mean you should. And it's never going to be ok to take a photo of someone at the beach or pool without their knowledge and consent; it really, really is indefensible. I don't t think it makes me uptight or judgemental to say that. Would any of us be ok with being one of the women in the photos?

Furthermore, if you want to see a picture of a woman in a bikini - or less - the Internet is awash with them. Why take your own of someone unsuspecting? There is something genuinely creepy about that.

ShatnersBassoon · 25/04/2017 20:08

It's not at all normal, to take photos of unknowing strangers in various states of undress! It's perverted (this is based on fact, not my personal judgement).

What would those who are OK with/not alarmed by this sort of behaviour think if you found out someone was taking sneaky photos poolside at the local swimming baths?

GiantDuckRampage · 25/04/2017 20:16

I am not perfect. But if you are then go ahead and judge.........!!!!

Whats perfect got to do with anything? So a man taking unsolicited pictures of women in their swimwear without their permission and sending them to people. But oh no we can't judge his creepy behavior, that would be wrong Hmm

Maudlinmaud · 25/04/2017 20:24

You are not allowed to even have your phone out of your bag in the viewing gallery of our pool. I used to think that was for child protection but now it's becoming clear it's to protect everyone using the pool.

CoffeeAndEnnui · 25/04/2017 20:41

I find the comment quite as stupid as you, and any other sensible soul, do AnyFucker. But I suspect that was at least part of the intent.

I'm also squirming with revulsion at OP's husband's actions and uncomfortable with her reluctance to react. Nevertheless, let's keep Hitler out of it shall we?

Guepe · 25/04/2017 20:52

AnyFucker isn't comparing the husband, or another posters' actions or comments to that of Hitler though, I think you're being overzealous in applying Godwin's Law.

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 21:08

In my experience, I find people who squawk "Gotcha! I invoke Godwin's Law!" at any mention of Herr Hitler tend to be an insufferable twat

PoorYorick · 25/04/2017 21:14

In my experience, I find people who squawk "Gotcha! I invoke Godwin's Law!" at any mention of Herr Hitler tend to be an insufferable twat

I won't deny the charge, but it is kind of internet law. And yes, I do see some very silly things being compared to murdering millions of people.

I'm off to invade Poland.

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 21:19

I would judge you for that, PY Smile

ShatnersBassoon · 25/04/2017 21:25

I do think Hitler would have photographed sunbathing women with his ipad though. It would have been so typical of him.

Now someone can invoke Godwin's Law. I do these things so nobody else has to.

SuperFlyHigh · 25/04/2017 21:41

To be honest I'm not 100% sure I'd LTB over this but it'd make me question our relationship.

OP is obviously maybe using the fact of his age etc (he's fairly young) and the fact they're married and he's "good" otherwise and have a child and are trying for another baby. I certainly wouldn't be trying for another baby though and may want to check out my legal options just in case.

SpiritedLondon · 25/04/2017 21:47

Well why don't you just ask him..." why have you taken these pictures?" And see what he says. I'd be interested to know what his justification is.

CoffeeAndEnnui · 25/04/2017 21:50

I regularly behave like an insufferable twat but not in this case. We're all intelligent enough to resist falling back on such trite rhetoric at the best of times. This week it is in particularly poor taste.

HomityBabbityPie · 25/04/2017 21:58

It's depressing how many women would excuse this type of behaviour.

SoapyTitWank · 25/04/2017 22:10

I haven't seen anyone excuse it at all, just some people not losing their shit completely over it.

Original poster
blueocean88 · 25/04/2017 22:22

I agree, I haven't seen anyone excuse it.

I have confronted him, just so it's clear I wasn't trying to brush it under the carpet or minimise what he's done, I was simply wondering if it would be best to have the discussion back at home not while sharing a hotel room with our child who will obviously be there to witness it all.

The two photos are both screen shots from a photo I took of husband and our son in the pool, I didn't notice the two women in the photo obviously, both were in the pool at the time (as were lots of other people). He's shown me the photo he screen shot then from and I can see he's not lying. He said it was a case of childish banter and he's shown me the message from his friend that was in reply to the milf comment he made that went along the lines of "pics or it didn't happen". Both photos are of the women in the pool as I said so are of their heads down to the middle of their bikini tops, all the rest of them is underwater (no one here is sunbathing topless etc). I'm not saying what he's done is fine, I'm still furious and he damn well knows it and he has apologised and said it was childish and wrong etc. He wasn't sat around the pool taking dubious sexual photos of women but he's still done something wrong and I'm still very very angry obviously. I've made it clear how wrong and disgusting it is and he's messaged his friend to tell him to make sure he permanently deletes the photos.

Everyone is of course entitled to their opinions, and if you want to brandish him a creep then I can totally understand, but in 8 years together I've never seen a creepy/perverted side to him and he's never been secretive with his phone/computer/emails. I'm able to get on to his phone/iPad/computer and he's never tried to lock me out of any of these and I've never seen anything like this that's rung alarm bells before.

I'm sure I'll be slaughtered for this post for excusing his behaviour but I don't think it matters what I say unless it's along the lines of "I've divorced him, fed his iPad to an alligator and had him locked up on the local jail" then people are going to label me a gullible idiot who's happy to be married to a lecherous creep.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 22:23

It's been excused on the grounds of "but women do it too...."

Beyond tedious.

ThreeFish · 25/04/2017 23:05

Your original post said he had taken photos "of women around the pool" and you had found them in the deleted items.

That's not what you are saying now. Either that's wrong, or he's bullshitting you. And you're believing it.

PoorYorick · 25/04/2017 23:10

in 8 years together I've never seen a creepy/perverted side to him

Well you have now.

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