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AIBU?

To be upset about photos on husbands phone?

273 replies

blueocean88 · 24/04/2017 20:03

We're on holiday at the moment and I was on my husbands iPad with our son looking through photos, he got excited swiping through and accidentally deleted one. I went into deleted photos to retrieve it and there's photos in there that my husbands taken of women around the pool. Obviously angry/upset I looked at his messages and he'd messaged a friend saying there was loads of Milfs in our hotel. He's since deleted that message but can only assume he's sent the photos to his friend. I'm really upset about it, haven't said anything to husband yet as don't even know what to say and really don't want to ruin our holiday. Would you be upset about this?

OP posts:

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Shellym13 · 25/04/2017 23:13

mega over reaction. we had A Butler in the buff at a hen night on Saturday. I took photos of his wee bum and shared them in the in laws family what's app. My hubbie then took A photo of his own bum and shared it. Lighten up. Weve been together 18years and laugh at this kind of crap.

blueocean88 · 25/04/2017 23:17

They're two photos of women in the pool not around the pool and both photos were in the recently deleted album on his iPad, he had screenshot them from the original photo I took and then deleted both of them after sending but not the original photo that I took of him and our son. My original post, written while upset and having just found them was worded badly and should have said "women in the pool" not women around the pool. I didn't realise at the time that they were screen shots of a different picture and I believed that he'd taken both photos while he was sat around the pool. Not excusing what he's done like I said I'm still angry with him and he knows how wrong I think it is that he screen shot them and sent them on.

OP posts:

carjacker1985 · 25/04/2017 23:20

To the PP who mentioned Butlers In The Buff- huge difference between hiring someone who consents to be half naked in your presence and taking sneaky photos of unsuspecting strangers on holiday.

Shellym13 · 25/04/2017 23:22

When I say total over reaction I mean those calling for you to divorce. I would maybe wonder why he kept it secret. It's very in the open between us which is why we dont bother. I'm one of those mumsnetters that people hate because I don't mind him going to a lap dancing club. He does everything for me if it's a stag do and they all go I don't bat an eyelid he can't afford a private dance anyway!

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 23:24

"He does everything for me"

Except respect women as anything other than for their sex organs.

Guepe · 25/04/2017 23:38

In relation to the OP, the explanation on the last page significantly lessens the offence, imo.

But Shellym, people were reacting to, what the OP thought was her husband taking creepy candid photos of unsuspecting women, then sharing them with his friends. That's significantly different from you taking a photo of the 'Butler in the Buff' that you had hired to ogle.

Shellym13 · 25/04/2017 23:44

As I said, the fact it was secretive would bother me. We have a laugh about it and it's very in the open. Actually anyfucker I've had cancer treatment on my organs so they are pretty bashed up. I'm sure he's not with me just for them!

Ankleswingers · 25/04/2017 23:50

This isn't very nice for you. The man is a sleaze.

Reminds me very much of a situation when I was 18 whilst on holiday with the girls in Crete.

A sleazy bloke in his thirties was on a lounger round the pool. Wife/ partner was sunbathing next to him; seemingly oblivious to what he was doing.

He sat perched on the end of his lounger, camera in hand watching us all piss about around the pool with a massive hard on ( he wore speedos- blatantly obvious for all to see.....)

We reported him to our Rep as he made us feel so uncomfortable. So much so we went to the beach instead after that.

It is a right creepy thing your DH has done there.

WomblingThree · 26/04/2017 07:09

AnyFucker, the only thing that is beyond tedious is the predictable nature of your posts.

HomityBabbityPie · 26/04/2017 07:14

I'm one of those mumsnetters that people hate because I don't mind him going to a lap dancing club

Why don't you mind your husband participating in the exploitation of women?

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 26/04/2017 07:46

As you can all see from OP's further comments, childish banter. Does t make it right. He knows what he did was not acceptable and you can be damn sure he won't do it again.
We all live and learn.
OP I would just drop out of here now. You have dealt with it. Your DH knows what he did was wrong.
Don't keep reading about what a sleaze he is. He isn't. He is your lovely husband who made a mistake.
Sorry it ruined the last few days of your holidays.

CaptainBrickbeard · 26/04/2017 07:57

shelly I understand that you and your husband are happy with each other watching strippers, that's your business but it is nothing at all to do with the thread. How would either one of you feel if a strange bloke took photos of you in your bikini on holiday without your knowledge or consent in order to share them with his friends? Would that be ok? Does it have any relevance to a stripper who knows what he or she is doing and is being paid for it? There is a whole other argument about the sex industry but this thread isn't about that. It's about filming unknowing women for sexual gratification and that isn't acceptable, however liberal your views on pornography or stripping. It is not at all the same thing. People are blurring the lines by pointing out that straight men like to see women's bodies - sure, of course they do, and straight women like to look at men as well. It doesn't make it ok to sneakily photograph them on holiday! And it's the women in the photos who are the victims here, not the OP, so it doesn't matter how fine anyone is with their husbands looking at other women - how would you, personally, feel to be in those photos?

OP, I'm glad it isn't as bad as assumed and that he didn't deliberately set out to take the pictures. I hope he has thought about the women whose images he has sent and why his behaviour was so abhorrent, I hope he has been sincerely apologetic and that you can enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2017 08:00

Don't keep reading about what a sleaze he is. He isn't. He is your lovely husband who made a mistake

Yup, the lovely husband who whilst on holiday with his wife and kid texted his mate to tell them there was women he would like to fuck there oh and sent pics to prove it.

You clearly have lower standards to me, because I don't find this lovely at all. And yes I find it sleazy and disrespectful.

AnyFucker · 26/04/2017 08:56

Yep, wombling. Predictable....that I am

And whilst I have a platform I will carry on calling out the sexual exploitation of women when I see people defending it. If that is a problem for you, then you are part of the problem.

Tinkerbec · 26/04/2017 09:25

Totally agree AF

I would be off if this happened to me.

I don't think I could get over it.

DeadGood · 26/04/2017 09:33

Glad you have resolved it somewhat, OP.

WomblingThree · 26/04/2017 10:57

The predictable part isn't the calling out the sexual exploitation of women. The predictable part is the haranguing of an innocent woman (who let's remember didn't sexually exploit anyone) just because she doesn't instantly divorce her husband.

I find your particular brand of woman hating tedious. You are quick to stand up for unknown and unseen victims (which is obviously commendable) yet incredibly unpleasant to women who actually post on here.

You are trying to shut me down because I disagree with you. You are so used to having all your fangirls fawning over your every word, that as soon as someone disagrees with you, they are "part of the problem".

I do not seek to be able control the behaviour of every man on the planet. I call out every day sexism where I see it. I bring my son up to not be a twat. I bring my daughter up to expect equality, not superiority. Am I fuck part of the problem.

xStefx · 26/04/2017 10:58

Ewe , what a perv. Tell him you didn't think you married a perv and doing stuff like that makes you think different of him!

HomityBabbityPie · 26/04/2017 11:44

I bring my daughter up to expect equality, not superiority.

How have any of the replies on this thread demonstrated expectations of superiority?

AnyFucker · 26/04/2017 11:53

You addressed me first, wombling.

The attempt to "shut down" came from you. You are wrong if you think I court attention from "fan girls". I get a lot more shit than I do affirmation for being clear in my opinions, believe me.

Tinkerbec · 26/04/2017 17:53

Fan girls I feel is quite rude, just because we agree with an opinion.

Hope you are ok OP.

SuperFlyHigh · 27/04/2017 15:38

Either way the pictures are dodgy (if they're in a pool etc) and personally OP I think you're minimising.

Let's hope he behaves himself otherwise and doesn't letch and joke when he's away from you,

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Bahhhhhumbug · 27/04/2017 21:00

The expression MILF is vile and sounds like something from an episode of the lmbetweeners. Not from an allegedly grown up man married with a family. Don't think l could take him seriously after this. Let him go on holiday with his equally mature mate next time , Benidorm maybe ?

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