To be upset about photos on husbands phone?

[blueocean88]

We're on holiday at the moment and I was on my husbands iPad with our son looking through photos, he got excited swiping through and accidentally deleted one. I went into deleted photos to retrieve it and there's photos in there that my husbands taken of women around the pool. Obviously angry/upset I looked at his messages and he'd messaged a friend saying there was loads of Milfs in our hotel. He's since deleted that message but can only assume he's sent the photos to his friend. I'm really upset about it, haven't said anything to husband yet as don't even know what to say and really don't want to ruin our holiday. Would you be upset about this?

[JamesBlonde1]

And what's his mate doing with the photos after he's received them by text/messenger? Urgh! Poor women's images could end up all over the place.

[gwenneh]

"Lovely guy"?

No. Lovely guys don't do that sort of thing.

[Judydreamsofhorses]

A friend of mine's husband is a keen photographer and posts a lot of "candid" pictures on Instagram. They are very good, and very "arty", but I am really uncomfortable with the idea the people don't know they are being photographed. They're fully clothed, walking down the street, chatting in cafes or whatever, but it just feels like such an invasion of privacy. If my own DP was taking photos of women by the pool, I wouldn't be able to hold off speaking to him about it until we got home.

[Brokejoke]

If that was my dh I would not be waiting before speaking to him about this. I would actually go ballistic. What a creep.

[diodati]

Share this thread with him. Send it.

[notborntothemanor]

Well YDDDNBU. You poor thing, what a horrible discovery on your holiday... Did you have any idea he was looking at other women like this before now? If not, then it must be quite a shock. I'm wondering if it's just immature and inappropriate bravado with his friend, or if he's just a major sleaze and it's a matter of time or opportunity before he acts on it. If so, then I guess you have some decision making to do... Sorry if he is not the man you thought he was. As for AIBU, sorry but I think this suggests you might be being a bit of a doormat or not quite have your sense of self worked out. No woman should have to put up with her husband taking pix of other women and saying he wants to F them. Unless he is just a stupid childish perv. who would never act on it. And even then, ugh ugh. Sorry. Really.

[LonginesPrime]

I don't know if he did send them to his friend, that's something I'm just assuming. He may have kept them for himself, I have no idea.

How is that any better??

The alternative is that your DH took the photos, went and had a 'cheeky wank' in a toilet cubicle and then deleted them so as not to get caught.

This isn't a 'Carry-on' film...

[StrawberryJelly00]

very disrespectful behaviour!

I would definately be throwing that ipad in the pool! ( accidently of course!!)

Definately don't hold back! You deserve an explanation for his behaviour, very odd.

[notborntothemanor]

One other thing. You say there were two, not loads, of photos of other women. Honestly, I think that's worse. Loads would be more indicative of a stupid disrespectful cretin let lose around a pool. Two suggests he has looked at them carefully, and is really intentionally singling out MILFs as he calls them, who appeal to him. Have you seen him around other women? You can't completely trust him if you checked his phone, saw that text, then accidentally saw the deleted pictures on the iPad.... or was it the other way around? I'm sorry, but I am seeing a bit of that river in Egypt in what you're saying (DeNial)

[JigglyTuff]

Surely you knew he was a bit of a sleaze before now? That behaviour and blatant disrespect for women doesn't come out of nowhere.

So while you were having a lovely family holiday, he's eying up all the other women round the pool, deciding whether or not he'd like to fuck them.

Foul

[kittybiscuits]

He's a sleaze who ruined your holiday. I don't think you really know who he is. He wears a strong 'lovely guy' mask. But he isn't one.

[blueocean88]

I agree, j don't know which is worse either, if he sent them to his friend or not

[kittybiscuits]

Poor you - what a horrible situation he has put you in

[chastenedButStillSmiling]

You really want to have another child with this guy? Won't you be worried about what he's thinking about while he conceives it with you?

I'm sorry, that was probably very insensitive, but it's all I can think since I saw your post.

Horrible thing for you to discover, and scarily close to your DS seeing it too. What a great lesson to teach a kid!

[LoupGarou]

That's awful and revolting. What a charming little gem of humanity. I would also go and tell the women he's been perving over. OP you're definitely not overreacting. How would if it was his daughter being perved over or if another man was doing that to you?!

[twattymctwatterson]

He doesn't respect you or women in general, I would go ballistic. Is it genuinely news to you that he's so sleazy and disrespectful?

[TreeTop7]

I wouldn't tell the women. All hell could break loose in front of your DC, given the very serous nature of what he's done.

He's a voyeur. When you're back at home, he could be taking pictures of your neighbour sunbathing in her garden or such like. It's weird and it needs to stop.

[blueocean88]

To be honest yes it is a shock, been together 8 years now so I thought I knew him pretty well. He watches porn etc and I knew about that. I've never known him take candid photos before like this though and never thought he would to be honest as I think it's so so disrespectful.

[AnyFucker]

All hell might break loose ?

How is this a problem ?

[Bahhhhhumbug]

How old is his mate Op and is he single or in a relationship ? Just curious really whether he has a wife too who would be equally devastated. I think those women have a right to know personally so as much damage limit action as possible can be done wrt them ending up all over the Internet or at least know whether he did send them anywhere and if so to tell his mate in strongest threatening terms possible to delete them. So you need to call it out now really to help protect those women who may not care about pics of them being out there or otoh may be mortified

[Bahhhhhumbug]

I meant the women he photographed have a right to know there sorry , not his mate or mates wives

[SoapyTitWank]

I don't think this is divorce worthy tbh.
Causing a major drama will just make OP look like the arsehole when she is not.
It would be super easy to embarrass the fuck out of him though and shame him into never doing that weird perv oddball crap again.
Dh used to leave his shitty skid undies all over the bedroom floor regardless of me going all psycho on him so one day I stuck them skid side up on a stick on the end of the drive for all the neighbours to see. Worked a treat!
Take no shit, cause no drama, treat him like the dirty perv he is

[blueocean88]

I'm relieved to read the messages that don't condemn my marriage to instant divorce.

Yes I think what he's done is disgusting and wrong but knowing my husband I see it as a select few on here have seen it... really childish and disgusting bravado with friends. Disgusting, wrong, childish etc but not something I want to walk away from my marriage over. Although I think from the consensus on here many will now think I'm a doormat/idiot

[IhatchedaSnorlax]

You've seen his true colours Op, now it's totally up to you how you react to it. I hope it works out for you but somehow I doubt that you won't be back on the relationship boards unfortunately.

[LoupGarou]

SoapyTitWank I just choked on my wine!!!