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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go back home to my parents when my bf works away?

120 replies

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 16:16

A bit lighthearted really and more am I being silly rather than unreasonable.

My boyfriend will be working away mon-fri from tomorrow and I'm thinking me and dd 6 months old, could go and stay at my parents at whiles he's away.

He thinks I'm being silly, my friend thinks I'm being ridiculous, I think I'll be really lonley being alone every night.

We've only lived together about 4 weeks, so this is the first time he's worked away with us living together and the house doesn't quite feel like home properly yet.
But dd has just gone into her own room recently and at my parents she'll be in with me again.

Am I being ridiculously silly if I go home?

OP posts:

ProudBadMum · 23/04/2017 16:18

Yes but I see why you'd want to.

I have a 6 month old as well and moved only a month ago.

You will settle eventually and will laugh when you think of that time you wanted to go to your parents

frieda909 · 23/04/2017 16:18

Of course not, why not take the opportunity to have your daughter spend some time with her grandparents? Sounds lovely to me!

KateDaniels2 · 23/04/2017 16:19

Totally on the fence with this one.

I can see why you would want to. But do find it odd when adults cant be in their own home on their own. Unless something else is going on.

foxessocks · 23/04/2017 16:21

If your parents don't mind then why not? If it makes you happy and not lonely. I used to do this when I first moved in with now dh if he worked away but then I stayed at home once and realised I liked the quiet and got used to . Then when I had my first baby I went home when dh worked away as I felt nervous on my own with dd overnight but, again, I got used to it in the end. Now I quite like the opportunity to watch TV on my own and eat ready meals maybe go back to your parents for a few nights and then stay on your own for a night or two and see how you feel?

1Evaline1 · 23/04/2017 16:22

I currently have a 2 year old and my dp works away mon-fri. You get used to it.

DeliciouslyHella · 23/04/2017 16:24

If everyone is happy with the arrangement, why not?

My parents provide wrap round childcare for our DD (19 months) and when DH works away, we go and stay with them. It saves me driving back and forth between the two houses and helps me out. My parents love it.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 23/04/2017 16:30

I'd wonder why an adult couldn't stay by themselves in their own home and would be very if DH did this.

ImperialBlether · 23/04/2017 16:32

I would love it if my children wanted to do that when they were older. I certainly wouldn't think they were pathetic.

Lovewineandchocs · 23/04/2017 16:35

Ignore anyone saying it's silly-do whatever you want if your parents are ok with it. It's company for you and doesn't affect your DP in any way. When my DH is away for work all week my DM often comes to stay with us-I don't feel at all silly for that.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 23/04/2017 16:39

I quite like the time to myself when DP is away. Admittedly this isn't often (usually only stag dos).

The only thing that I would be wary of is DD going back to being with you when she is used to being in her own room. If it's a one off that you're doing this then fine. If it will be weekly then no as I think your dd would find it hard to keep resettling into her own room

Trills · 23/04/2017 16:41

I can see why you would want to. But do find it odd when adults cant be in their own home on their own.

I agree with this. Visiting is nice. Not wanting to be alone at home is odd.

redexpat · 23/04/2017 16:45

I think its sad that you feel you have to justify it. Im sure you would cope if you had to but you dont have to. I wouldnt want to be without adult conversation with a baby.

happypoobum · 23/04/2017 16:53

Hmmm, not sure about this.

Does it have to be all or nothing? I can see the attraction but I also think you would run into problems eventually.

Can you not stay at home, but every now and then if you do start to feel a bit lonely, go and stay at mum and dads for a bit? Otherwise it is a little bit pathetic, sorry

Tinkerbec · 23/04/2017 16:56

When my oh worked away. I moved back with my parents for 6 months.
It was so lonely otherwise.

We did live 250 miles away but even so it was a big help.

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 16:59

Do your parents want you and a baby there 5 days a week? Will you be contributing to their bills? Don't your parents work/have social lives of their own?

KayTee87 · 23/04/2017 17:00

Well how do you parents feel about it? I do think you should try and make your new place feel like home.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:01

My mum and dad are more than happy for us to go. My mums made my bed up ready, just in case.

It's not really about coping or being alone, I've been home alone before when I lived at home, my parents went to Australia for 6 weeks and often had weeks and weekends away.
It just feels different here, I think because we've not been here long and I don't know the neighbors yet and there was a huge spider the other day and I'm not convinced it's really gone.

My boyfriend doesn't really mind, but thinks I'm best to get staying alone out of the way. This job will probably be for a good few months and I know I can't go home every week for that long.

OP posts:

danTDM · 23/04/2017 17:04

Odd, tbh. I would enjoy the peace.

I find once you have your own children, to run home to stay with ma and pa at the drop of a hat really immature. Visiting is entirely different. Are you very young?

Do what you want though, as long as your parents don't mind the intrusion

Original poster

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:06

Yes they work and have social lives Zilphas they wouldn't stop any of that because I was there though.

OP posts:

teaandcakeat8 · 23/04/2017 17:08

Could you compromise and maybe split the time between your parents and your home? I understand it's lonely as you've just moved but really it won't feel like home if you keep staying away. Can you spend some of the time decorating etc to help the new home feel more like yours?

Trills · 23/04/2017 17:09

I definitely read the OP as being that he would be away THIS Mon-Fri, not EVERY Mon-Fri for a few months.

Definitely don't go back every time.

This new house never will feel like home if you don't spend any time in it.

danTDM · 23/04/2017 17:09

Yes, throw yourself into decorating and exploring the area with DD.

Make it your home, look forward, not back!

lucyandpoppy123 · 23/04/2017 17:11

I would just go. Your parents are only here for a finite amount of time. Great for you and your DD to spend time with them and who cares what anyone else says

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 17:13

Am I right in thinking you were living with your parents until 4 weeks ago? Surely you're glad to have your freedom and not have your parents hovering over you? You have your own home now. I'd be getting stuck into making it my own and enjoying the freedom of it.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:14

That's what my friend said danTDM she's in shared uni accommodation though and would love just one night to herself. I'm home all day just me and dd, so don't really feel the need for more alone time. I'm 19.

All decorating is done teaandcake

I think I might just stay a few nights. I go to a class one night and my mum said she'll have dd, so I can still go. Will make sense to stay that night.

OP posts:

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