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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go back home to my parents when my bf works away?

120 replies

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 16:16

A bit lighthearted really and more am I being silly rather than unreasonable.

My boyfriend will be working away mon-fri from tomorrow and I'm thinking me and dd 6 months old, could go and stay at my parents at whiles he's away.

He thinks I'm being silly, my friend thinks I'm being ridiculous, I think I'll be really lonley being alone every night.

We've only lived together about 4 weeks, so this is the first time he's worked away with us living together and the house doesn't quite feel like home properly yet.
But dd has just gone into her own room recently and at my parents she'll be in with me again.

Am I being ridiculously silly if I go home?

OP posts:
anyadviceformee · 23/04/2017 17:14

I would and i do when dp is away for the night, although isn't very often.

MaisyPops · 23/04/2017 17:16

I can see why you would want to. But do find it odd when adults cant be in their own home on their own.
Pretty much.
When DH is away on work I go round for food some night at my in laws.
But staying there when he's away because I don't want to be alone would be a bit weird for me.

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 17:17

I'm home all day just me and dd, so don't really feel the need for more alone time. I'm 19.

You need to get out and meet people in your new area, join mum and baby groups, go to the park, soft play etc get to know people. I'm assuming you are still on maternity leave? You can't be so dependant on your partner and parents for company. You're an adult.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:18

Ha, yes Zilphas they aren't the hovering type though, so no never felt like I lacked freedom. If anything being home alone, gives me less freedom as once dd is in bed at 7, I'm stuck.

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 17:20

I was a single mum at 19 so I know the feeling but I was working so being stuck in from 7pm was fine because I needed to be in bed early.

Bringmesunshite · 23/04/2017 17:21

How would you feel if the roles were reversed? I've weaned my DH off running to mummy at the first sign of trouble. He actively avoids it now.
Home is where you and your child live with your partner, not back with GPs.

danTDM · 23/04/2017 17:22

Ah bless, OP. You are very young. I had DD at 37 Shock and I was speaking from a 45 year old' perspective
I couldn't and wouldn't have coped at 19, so you are actually being super mature. I take it back.

Go home if it makes you happy.
In your position now I understand it, I think I would.

Best of luck Flowers

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:22

I do go out. I just meant I'm not lacking in alone time.
My mum and dad would be out through the day anyway, it's night time I want company.

OP posts:
danTDM · 23/04/2017 17:26

In fact, my DD is 9 in 3 days, so you are her in 10 years.
She can't wash her own hair. Please let her come home to me in 10 years if she is lonely with her first baby Shock

Swift about turn and wipes tear from eye.

ProudBadMum · 23/04/2017 17:26

I had my first at that age. You'll get used to it, give it a chance.

Can your mum come stay a night at yours? Go about the new area with her?

You can't go back every week so I'd try not do it if I were you at all.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/04/2017 17:28

It's a bit needy. Maybe occasionally but I wouldn't think it healthy to do it too often. It sounds like you've not got enough friends and daytime social life, so try to work on that, then you won't need to lean on your parents.

mygrandchildrenrock · 23/04/2017 17:29

I love any of my adult children coming back home, however long for. Last night one of mine came round for dinner and ended up staying and it was lovely.

SoloDance · 23/04/2017 17:29

Sounds like a lovely idea. Everyone's happy I don't see the problem.

MsGameandWatch · 23/04/2017 17:31

I really hate it when people describe perfectly ordinary things as "odd" on here. It isn't. It's just not what YOU would do.

It's fine OP. Go to your parents if you want to. Things will grow and change naturally and there may come a time when other commitments mean you can't do it. Good chance for extended family to spend time together.

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 17:33

If this was a man.....

musicposy · 23/04/2017 17:34

Oh my goodness, you're so young. DD1 is 21 and if she was in your position I'd love to have her home for the week.

However, why don't you have just a night on your own then go to your parents for the rest. Then the next time you can do two nights alone. Eventually it won't be a big deal at all, especially as the house starts to feel like yours.

I personally never care what others think. I'm 50 and was recently ill in hospital. After I came out, when DH went to work he deposited me round my parents so someone kept an eye on me. They're in their 70s and still loved having me there. You can certainly do the same at 19.

SoloDance · 23/04/2017 17:34

I'd be quite happy for any of my grown up kids to come and stay. Daughters or Son.

harderandharder2breathe · 23/04/2017 17:35

Yes it is ridiculous. You're an adult and a parent, why are you incapable of being at home alone with DC?

But if you and your parents are happy it doesn't affect anyone else.

But I recommend you work on being able to be alone, it's a life skill.

Bringmesunshite · 23/04/2017 17:36

My MIL talks about having all her chicks back in her nest. I might feel that when my dd is an adult but shoot me if I ever say it.
My home will always be home for my dd but she will need to stand on her own two feet when an adult. Unless she is in trouble.

Empireoftheclouds · 23/04/2017 17:38

Home for a week is not the same as home every week for months.

While I would love to have my adult DD over for a week I would be questioning my own parenting if she genuinely felt she couldn't be in her own home without her partner over a significant length of time.

SoloDance · 23/04/2017 17:38

It's ridiculous to be lonely is it? Have a bit of bloody compassion.

Being home alone all week with a baby can be very lonely. If the OP can have a bit of company then why the hell shouldn't she.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:40

Sorry for causing waterworks dan

I do have friends not very many mum friends, but we go out everyday to groups or the park, shop etc. It's more someone else being in the house, even if it's not all the time.
It's not about not coping alone with dd.

I know the area, that's not a problem.

Honestly if my bf was having dd alone for a week, I'd prefer him being at his mums.

I think I'll do a few days at home and a few there. Unless the spider comes back, then I'm off!

OP posts:
Moo31 · 23/04/2017 17:40

When I moved in with my oh a few years ago (into his apartment) I used to go back to my parents every Friday night (he was out from very early on a Saturday morning so it meant I could have a lie in!). We bought our own house 2 years ago and i stopped the Friday nights but he has been away a few times with work (only 1 or 2 nights at a time) and each time I have taken the opporunity to go and see my parents as I enjoy spending time with them and they enjoy having me so why wouldn't I! So I say go for it!

UpsideDownGiraffe · 23/04/2017 17:41

I'd do a night or two but prob not the whole week.

Do what you like though. I echo another poster re parents only being around a finite amount of time... I wish I had spent more time with my dad tbh. I wouldn't not go because a bunch of strangers online made me feel like I was somehow being an incompetent adult.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 17:42

I know I'm not going to be going every week he's away!

OP posts: