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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go back home to my parents when my bf works away?

120 replies

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 16:16

A bit lighthearted really and more am I being silly rather than unreasonable.

My boyfriend will be working away mon-fri from tomorrow and I'm thinking me and dd 6 months old, could go and stay at my parents at whiles he's away.

He thinks I'm being silly, my friend thinks I'm being ridiculous, I think I'll be really lonley being alone every night.

We've only lived together about 4 weeks, so this is the first time he's worked away with us living together and the house doesn't quite feel like home properly yet.
But dd has just gone into her own room recently and at my parents she'll be in with me again.

Am I being ridiculously silly if I go home?

OP posts:

Mrsmadevans · 23/04/2017 17:42

Take full advantage of him being away and go to your mum and dads

purplepopple · 23/04/2017 17:43

I don't think it sounds silly at all, it's a hard slog on your own (my DH works away too) and sounds like this would work for everyone. I was a student at 19 and went home every weekend and I wasn't the only one, I had a well paid weekend job and there were a few of us who went back and fore to it from uni city (not far from home but far enough that halls made sense) so I really see no problem with this at all!

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 17:44

Do you generally struggle to spend time on your own OP? It's not normal to worry about being lonely in the evenings just because your partner is away. It's good to be comfortable in your own company. You can't always have someone there to entertain you. As an adult you shouldn't need it.

ZilphasHatpin · 23/04/2017 17:44

Honestly if my bf was having dd alone for a week, I'd prefer him being at his mums.

why?

Bloosh · 23/04/2017 17:45

Ah, you are 19 and already a mum. Do whatever makes you feel happy (I'd be glad my dd came home so I could take care of practicals like food while she was taking care of the baby). And I would have hated being home alone all week with dd when she was a baby (I was 35 when I had her).

Life's better when you do what you want!

Chottie · 23/04/2017 17:45

I'm a DGM and I would love it.

Please do whatever is right for you and your DD and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

MessyBun247 · 23/04/2017 17:46

No its not ridiculous or odd. If you want to go, and your parents are happy for you to be there, then go and enjoy the time with your family. No point feeling lonely or isolated.

UpsideDownGiraffe · 23/04/2017 17:48

Is it just me or is someone on here majorly overinvested?

SoloDance · 23/04/2017 17:48

Of course it's normal for some people to be lonely in the evenings.

Crashbangwhatausername · 23/04/2017 17:50

If I have a week off and dh is away I often go and stay with family, I'm perfectly happy and capable on my own but it's nice to see people. Also, lets face it, its nice to have adult company. I really can't see the problem and think it would be lovely for all involved, dp knows you aren't lonely, dd gets extra attention and you can have a chat in the evening and it sounds like your mum would love to have you. Everyone is a winner

Fruitcocktail6 · 23/04/2017 17:51

I do this when DP works away! They only live 10 mins away though.

I used to stay overnight but I have cats now so I'll go round for the evening so I'm not home alone (with cats).

Ceto · 23/04/2017 17:54

Did you live with your daughter's father? What did you do about being left alone then?

WannaBe · 23/04/2017 17:54

Some horrible responses on this thread. Needy? Pathetic? Ridiculous? Really? I feel incredibly sorry for the children of some of these people who seem to think that the instant you move out that that's it and never should you return to the home you grew up in. .

The OP is nineteen and has a six month old baby. If the OP was leaving her partner for any reason then people would be quick to suggest she go and stay with her parents, but because she wants to, and because let's face it, being at home alone with a six month old is bloody lonely even when you're 30 let alone when you're nineteen and likely one of the only ones in your peer group in the same position people have resorted to name calling and putting the OP down. Completely unnecessary and uncalled for.

OP if you want to stay with your parents then stay with them. When I first moved in with now eXH he went away on some training courses as part of his new job and because I was still commuting back to the town where my parents lived I stayed there during the week as it saved me the commute. Then by the third course he convinced me that I should want to be staying in the house alone so I did. Commuted an hour each way to work and back every day, back to an empty house, not getting home until gone seven, all because I should be able to do it. I hated it, and it was so completely unnecessary.

If your parents are happy to have you for the week then why shouldn't you stay there? Assuming you live close by etc and won't be travelling hundreds of miles for instance.... And as DD gets older you may find that it's better to stay home anyway as all her toys and things will be there. But for now do what makes you comfortable. Only on MN is wanting to be with your parents seen as odd and something to be frowned upon.

happypoobum · 23/04/2017 17:55

OK, in light of your age, and, rather more importantly, the spider update, I feel a little more sympathetic.

However, I still think you should try and spend some of the time on your own in the house with DD - make it a sort of transition time?

AIBU to go back home to my parents when my bf works away?

MsGameandWatch · 23/04/2017 17:55

Two scenarios.

OP stays at home and twiddles her thumbs after 7 pm every evening once her child goes to bed.

OP goes to her parents for the week every now and then and gets to go out and meet friends, go shopping, go to the cinema and generally get a break.

I know which one I would choose.

Fruitcocktail6 · 23/04/2017 17:58

Hadn't rtft and didnt realise there were mean responses.

Don't worry OP! I'm older than you and I do this all the time.

Empireoftheclouds · 23/04/2017 17:59

OP stays at home and twiddles her thumbs after 7 pm every evening once her child goes to bed is that the only option for parents once their children are in bed? I'm quite baffled by the suggestion that once alone we ar all destine to twiddle our thumbs.

I am busier in the evenings than I am during the day, without needing to leave the house

Bringmesunshite · 23/04/2017 18:00

I am in my 50s. I am old enough to be your mum. If you came back to me in the scenario you describe I would welcome you with open arms, not judge you but assume you were struggling. I'd do what I could to help but I would be silently concerned.
You are an adult with a baby. It can be lonely and boring.

MrsKCoulter · 23/04/2017 18:01

I have a 6 month old baby and I've done this several times when my husband works away. I'm MUCH older than you. But I can't handle the sleep deprivation with no back up for 20 mins in the morning for more than a few days at a time. Having a baby is so hard when it's just you day in day out. Why wouldn't you go and stay with them?

Gazelda · 23/04/2017 18:03

I'd love to have a relationship with my parents where I could go stay with them if I wanted some company. Cherish that bond, and the lovely relationship you'd DC will develop with GP.

But I must say that one of the things I'm eternally grateful for is that my DD settled into a bedtime routine for a good few months before we altered it any way - night out, babysitter, late night, change or room etc. By having a routine firmly established, I believe it made her far easier to temporarily adapt when we needed to. For that reason, I'd be very reluctant to move her out of her room if I were in your shoes.

A good friend of mine got into the habit of her mum coming round for dinner and evening in front of the telly every Tuesday. It's a family habit now, and I'm very jealous of how close they are. Could your mum come and stay at your once or twice during the week?

MsGameandWatch · 23/04/2017 18:03

is that the only option for parents once their children are in bed? I'm quite baffled by the suggestion that once alone we ar all destine to twiddle our thumbs.

Don't be silly. Of course it's not the only option, did I really need to spell it out?

2bluestars · 23/04/2017 18:05

The spider is reason enough in my book

Orthanc · 23/04/2017 18:09

19? God that's so young! Yes, go home and keep yourself supported and happy.

danTDM · 23/04/2017 18:21

She's a teenager ffs I think most of us are late 40's and beyond. She is me before I went to university.

Do go home OP
It's hard enough as it is...
I would want my DD home pronto TBH, they are probably desperate to see you but being all cool about it

And I do not mean to patronise you at all, I am sorry if it comes across that way.

MaisyPops · 23/04/2017 18:53

I missed being 19.
Go home.

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