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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go back home to my parents when my bf works away?

120 replies

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 16:16

A bit lighthearted really and more am I being silly rather than unreasonable.

My boyfriend will be working away mon-fri from tomorrow and I'm thinking me and dd 6 months old, could go and stay at my parents at whiles he's away.

He thinks I'm being silly, my friend thinks I'm being ridiculous, I think I'll be really lonley being alone every night.

We've only lived together about 4 weeks, so this is the first time he's worked away with us living together and the house doesn't quite feel like home properly yet.
But dd has just gone into her own room recently and at my parents she'll be in with me again.

Am I being ridiculously silly if I go home?

OP posts:
MrsTwix · 23/04/2017 19:21

I think it's great you have such a nice relationship with your parents. Why shouldn't you spend time with them while you have it. If you were refusing to be alone in your home ever it would be a bit of a worry, but there is no reason you have to do it every night.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 19:53

Thank so for everyone's responses. I've just been busy settling dd, so only just read some of the later posts.

I was still living with parents and my boyfriend was in a shared rental, while he saved a deposit to buy this house Ceto so we just split our time between the two.
He hasn't worked away since dd was born though, his work are quite good at trying to keep you home if you have small babies.

I don't particularly struggle spending time alone Zilphas I'm an only child so quite used to it. I like to be busy though. The thought of 7 till 11.30/12 on my own, not able to go out. I'm not sure what I'll do, yes I can read and watch tv, but what else?

I guess I'll get used to it and in September I'll be at uni, so will have work and things to do!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 19:56

I am worried about dd's routine though and don't want to confuse her, with sleeping arrangements. But then part of our routine is dad doing her bath and giving a bottle of expressed milk, which she won't take from me!
So I think it's going to mess things up either way.

OP posts:
honeypooh2017 · 23/04/2017 20:09

Sod being alone or not knowing the neighbours, the fact your aren't sure the spider has gone would be enough to make me never return home until I see a body!!

Josieannathe2nd · 23/04/2017 20:11

I'm perfectly happy home without my DH but when he goes away often take the opportunity go stay with my parents for a few nights. They help, I don't have to cook, they like to see us & although my husband gets on with them well he doesn't want to visit so much so it's a win win. Go!

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 20:20

It was huge honeypooh my boyfriend has filled a few places he thinks it might have come from and I'm making him have a look to see if he can find it before he goes. Our bathroom is downstairs though and I'm petrified of going down and night and it being there. Plus my boyfriends lovely brother, mentioned how we pass the back door to go to the bathroom. So if someone was stood in the garden horror movie like, I'd see them when I used the bathroom at night he used to my friend as well!

To the poster suggesting my mum stay here it's only two bedrooms, so no room other than the sofa and that's not huge. At my parents I still have my own room and ensuite, I've still got clothes and stuff there and so does dd!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 20:20

At night not and

OP posts:
manasaw · 23/04/2017 21:20

Not unreasonable at all have a lovely time xxxxxxxx

Pixie2015 · 23/04/2017 21:24

Sounds lovely to go back home especially if you will get looked after x

theclick · 23/04/2017 21:25

Of course you can! My parents get insulted if I don't go home if DH is away for a few days, and will absolutely not abide by me staying on my own. It's maybe cultural, as I am from a culture where it's normal to live as one big joint family even past 21 (or the whenever it is older kids move out). When I go away however, I ask him if he will go home to his mum's and he says no way! So it's also personal preference.

Gazelda · 23/04/2017 21:38

I read somewhere that conkers keep spiders at bay. We used to get loads, but then I put several conkers in all the rooms and I can't remember the last time I saw a spider.
But you'll obvs need to wait until conker season to test my theory!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/04/2017 21:47

I'm nearly twice your age OP and I might well spend a night with my parents with DD (aged 2.5) if DH was away. I quite enjoy an evening home alone without him, but I also enjoy seeing my parents, having their company and being looked after. There have been times when it's been much much easier for me to do that, e.g. When DD was tiny and I didn't have so much confidence or now when I'm very pregnant.

As long as you're making a choice to stay with them (rather than feeling incapable of being home alone), I think that's fine.

ElisavetaFartsonira · 23/04/2017 21:49

It sounds great. I've a pal who did this when her DH was on the rigs and it worked very well for them. Wouldn't and didn't think that remotely odd.

ilovegin112 · 23/04/2017 22:02

Go home your parents are probably missing you both seeing as you only left 4 weeks ago,

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 22:13

Well, I've spoke to my boyfriend and my mum and I'm going home for this week.
My boyfriends only been asked to go away for two week, he thinks they will want him to go for longer though. He's going to speak to his boss tomorrow and say he's ok with the two weeks, but really doesn't want to do longer when dd is still so young and we've only just moved house.

It's not that I can't cope with dd, I was adamant that even though I was at home, I didn't expect my parents to take over or do more than general grandparenting, odd babysitting and taking her out to the park etc!

I think I just need longer to be settled in the house. Maybe around autumn time when I can gather some conkers!

OP posts:
frieda909 · 23/04/2017 22:15

Being alone in a house you've only just moved into can definitely be scary. People are being way too hard on you here.

In time it'll come to feel like home and you'll love getting some alone time there, but it's normal to feel a bit out of sorts in a new place for the first few weeks.

Also, I'm fine with spiders but have a crippling phobia of mice. If I saw a mouse in my new place and then my partner had to go away for a week I'd be over at my mum's so fast! I don't think you have anything to worry about with the spider but I still totally get it!

cornedbeefpie15 · 23/04/2017 22:42

Definitely not unreasonable or silly - I'm 30, do this all the time with 2yo DS and have done since he was born. Baffled to think anyone finds it weird! I love spending time with my mum and dad anyway but have really felt the pull of my home area and family since having a baby - in fact DH and I have recently decided to move back. Hope you all have a lovely time :)

Lesley1980 · 23/04/2017 23:26

I nearly always went back to my parents when my husband was away. He'd be away every 5/6 weeks for 3 or 4 days. My family live an hour away so it's a good opportunity to spend time with them & get a break.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 23:27

Thanks frieda that's it. It's starting to feel more like home. It just still feels a bit odd and I know if I'm up through the night with dd, I won't feel completely comfortable and I'll struggle to fall back asleep.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 24/04/2017 01:00

The only people here whose opinion matters are OP and her parents. And they are happy with it so where's the problem?

If OP was a man, then most likely she wouldn't be left alone with a 6 month old baby in the first place. Much less at the age of 19.

It'd be quite silly to be alone, miserable and sleep-deprived just because other people consider this to be the only proper way to be an adult.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 24/04/2017 09:47

I know Vestal do think my boyfriends opinion matters a bit too though.
It has reassured me, I thought the majority would think I was being silly. I feel better knowing some other mums do the same when their dh's are away.

I think my boyfriend is a bit worried I'm not settling in and might want to go back home for good. I think he's just a bit further on than me though. He's spent more time in house when we first bought it and he was doing work here and he wasn't as attached to where he was living before, so it's different for him.
Explaining it on here, helped me explain it to him at bit better.

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 24/04/2017 09:57

Why don't you go this week and maybe next week go on Wednesday? Do a couple of nights just to see. Put some plans in place even if it's just some admin or cooking something you like. Build up slowly.

BarbarianMum · 24/04/2017 10:19

I was very nervous the first time dh went away with work and I was left alone with infant ds. I got my mum to come and stay. Just as well I did - I got horrendous food poisoning and had to go into hospital to be dehydrated and she held the baby fort whilst dh rushed back from his conference.

Go to your mum's. You won't always feel this way but you do now and it's ok.

BarbarianMum · 24/04/2017 10:20

I went to hospital to be rehydrated. Obviously. Blush

AudreyBradshaw · 24/04/2017 10:52

I'm almost 31, married and have an nearly 5 month old and I'm sat writing this from "my" room at my Mams, where I've been staying since Saturday! 😆

Dh works long hours, often going out at 5:30am and not returning till midnight /1 am. I love my ds more than life but a conversationalist he is not!

I don't mind being on my own, but if the opportunity arises I go stay at my parents. There's company, someone to distract/hold/fuss the baby while I have 5 minutes in the shower and brew up, we sit and eat together etc. My family adores him and we fun, they live 5 minutes up the road. Even when I don't stay over my dad pops in most mornings and my Mam calls at least every other day! So does my sister.

You will adjust to being by yourself/living with your boyfriend but as I see it, if your parents are happy to have you there and you want to go, why not! Enjoy the time together!

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