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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go back home to my parents when my bf works away?

120 replies

Emboo19 · 23/04/2017 16:16

A bit lighthearted really and more am I being silly rather than unreasonable.

My boyfriend will be working away mon-fri from tomorrow and I'm thinking me and dd 6 months old, could go and stay at my parents at whiles he's away.

He thinks I'm being silly, my friend thinks I'm being ridiculous, I think I'll be really lonley being alone every night.

We've only lived together about 4 weeks, so this is the first time he's worked away with us living together and the house doesn't quite feel like home properly yet.
But dd has just gone into her own room recently and at my parents she'll be in with me again.

Am I being ridiculously silly if I go home?

OP posts:

waterrat · 24/04/2017 10:54

My Dh is away a lot and I find it lonely. I can't stay anywhere else because kids are st school but I would if I could

Why do you care what other people think !

Original poster

Emboo19 · 24/04/2017 12:28

My parents live about 20mins away AudreyB so I see them often anyway and if I needed them they'd call round. But still, my boyfriend left at 3am this morning and I couldn't fall back asleep.

Me and my mum are going out for lunch now and she's making my favourite dinner tonight
I'm going to go home Thursday as my friend is coming to stay over, so we can have a takeaway and catch up. Then my bf will be back Friday evening.

OP posts:

AudreyBradshaw · 24/04/2017 13:47

Sounds like am excellent plan Emboo

It can be lonely enough having a young baby sometimes, I say take any opportunity to have some company! And enjoy your takeaway and catch up with your mate! (We're having Daddy Bradshaws shepherd's pie for tea at my request 😁 bloody love shepherds and I won't cook it for just me and dh in case he doesn't fancy it so won't eat it. )

Ohyesiam · 24/04/2017 14:32

Op, ive not tead the whole thread, but please give yourself permission to do exactly what you need to do.
Being " ridiculous " is running up loads of debt, or leaving your kids in danger, or ignoring your responsibilities. Getting your needs met is sensible.

You don't need to be accommodating of what other people want you to do, when it had zero impact on them.

Caterina99 · 24/04/2017 21:36

I'm 32 and have a toddler, and expecting another. And I've lived away from my parents since I was 18.

I would absolutely do this if I could! Being alone for a week with a baby can be quite isolating, especially in a new house.

CheeseQueen · 24/04/2017 21:50

I'd wonder why an adult couldn't stay by themselves in their own home and would be very hmm if DH did this

This. I'm a grown up, I'm not 5 years old and find it really weird when adults don't like being by themselves! I know someone like this who never wants to stay alone in the house when husband's away and it's just so strange!
I'll never understand people who seem scared of their own company.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 24/04/2017 22:05

Its not that I don't like my own company, think I covered that earlier.

Anyway, I'm at my parents and it's lovely....favourite meal for dinner.
My dad asked to bath dd and gave her a bottle of expressed milk, she's been fast asleep since 7. So I've been able to go to the gym for a hour with my mum.

OP posts:

AnnaT45 · 24/04/2017 22:06

Being at home with a baby is lonely. Yes you can go to mum groups etc but it can still be incredibly isolating. I totally get why you crave evening company at this point in your life. Also just nice to have a meal cooked for you or to cook one whilst someone helps out with the baby. I think people saying it's weird are maybe not Remembering hoe hard it can be with a baby!

If I were you I'd totally stay with my folks. My mum passed away when I was heavily pregnant last year and I would love to do this if I had the chance. So do it if you want to. I'm sure you won't regret this time with them when you're looking back at your life.

Oh and it's not an age thing! I'm 32! 😀

SoloDance · 24/04/2017 22:14

Being a grown up means you get to decide what to do with your own life.

OP.Sounds like you have had a lovely evening.

Original poster

Emboo19 · 25/04/2017 07:52

Very sorry for the loss of your mum Anna

I hadn't though how much my parents missed having us here. My mum was saying at the gym, how happy my dad was that we were coming to stay. I need to make the effort as we don't see him as much as my mum really.

Dd must be happy here though, the little sleepy head as only just woke up! She's usually up at 6!!

OP posts:

RachelRagged · 25/04/2017 09:08

If you were my DD and your daughter my DGD I would welcome you home with open arms for those days and nights OP (In truth I have no GG as of yet though).

Smilingthru · 25/04/2017 09:16

I always go home when DH goes away!! Been living together for 8 years now and I hate being alone overnight. DD and I go and seek comfort from my DP every time who absolutely love having their DD and DGD home overnight! Go and enjoy being home with your parents and ignore what others say x

DeadGood · 25/04/2017 09:19

"I think its sad that you feel you have to justify it. Im sure you would cope if you had to but you dont have to. I wouldnt want to be without adult conversation with a baby."

All of this. Also agree with LucyPoppy that your parents won't be around forever. Seriously, go see them. Your mum has already made up a bed. You want to go, she wants you to come, who gives a shit what your friend says

DeadGood · 25/04/2017 09:21

Whoops, just seen you are already there! Sounds completely lovely

ChasedByBees · 25/04/2017 09:27

That sounds fabulous- totally the right decision. It's made you happier, given you a break and some company and made your family happy to see their grandchild.

It's only recently that society has become more fragmented. It should be entirely normal to spend lots of time with extended family - particularly if you really like their company.

I'm glad you had a good night.

musicposy · 25/04/2017 11:20

That sounds like a great decision and I'm sure your parents are absolutely loving it. Enjoy your week!

Original poster

Emboo19 · 28/04/2017 19:13

Thank you to all who encouraged me to go to my parents. I had such a lovely few days, and my parents loved having time with me and dd.
Had a great catch up with my friend last night too.
And my boyfriend is home later tonight, so looking forward to seeing him

Still no sign of spider though!

OP posts:

mummypeepee · 28/04/2017 20:10

Go! It will be lovely and your mum and dad will love looking after you and spoiling you for a few days. I often spend days at my mums with the kids she loves and actually asked me to stay a few nights (I didn't) and she only lives a 10 minute drive away. I'd love my kids to do this when they get older. Your mum must be looking forward to it if she's made the bed up already

frieda909 · 28/04/2017 20:27

Read the thread

Or at least the post right above yours!

emmalie · 28/04/2017 20:28

I was a mum at 19. Would have loved it if my mum had let me go home sometimes. Go for it if it makes you happy, it's hard being home alone with a baby when anyway but even harder when you're 19.

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