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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel angry with mum becoming 'mother' (and what, if anything do I do about it?)

191 replies

ErnesttheBavarian · 22/04/2017 09:42

Ok, probably totally outing myself, but well.

I am old. 46 to be precise. I'm from the NE. My mum has always been my mum. Even when we moved down south, she was still mum.

Then my sister, a few years ago, decided to better herself, and tried to reduce her northern accent and sound posher. She then started to call our mum 'mother'. I think it sounds fucking stupid and pretentious. And she isn't 'mother' she's mum.

Anyway, my mum has since adopted it. And refers to herself as mother. I still think it sounds totally ridiculous. I hate it. When I get a card (or even an WhatsApp) from 'mother' it gives me the rage. firstly cos it just sounds so fucking pretentious and jumped up, secondly, cos she's been my mum for over 40 years, and now she's "MOTHER" (wtf) and thirdly I guess cos it feels like she's siding with my sister, or even worse, adopting her pretentious.

I have mentioned before that I don't like it, but she still does it.

So, do I try again, and if so, how, or do I put up with it until one of us snuffs it, and just feel fucking annoyed every time I have some communication with her?

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 22/04/2017 17:51

My brother has changed what he calls our mum in the last few years. My sister and I just mock him for it He also insists on addressing post to her as Mrs Stepdad'ssurname, even though when she married she didn't change her name. Dunno why he does it.

shellhider · 22/04/2017 17:58

Tell her that mother is so 1950s and all would be Hyacinth Bouquets upper class mothers are now adopting Mama instead. Then insist on calling her dearest Mama in public, she'll soon get sick of it.

givemestrengthandgin · 22/04/2017 18:18

I get the rage when SIL calls my mum 'mum'
Mainly because she only does it when she's trying to enforce her matriarchal shit ( she's older brothers wife therefore carries family name and is in charge ) fuckwit anyway I digress, I normally go the other way and revert to Ma we are northern so is my hubby she is southern Ma doesn't sound right from her

gamerchick · 22/04/2017 18:30

Christ do grown woman use mummy? Fucking hell!

OP every time your sister uses mother say 'ship' straight after. See if you can turn it into a better emotion as well as annoy the crap out of her.

5moreminutes · 22/04/2017 18:33

One of my kids calls me Muvver - I have no idea why as he's only six and his older siblings call me Mummy. Mummy sounds posher than Muvver I'm pretty sure... (When they talk about me they call me Meine Mama or my Mum, not Muvver or Mummy..)

Take up mother but pretend you can't pronounce th ...

Tbh though I switched to calling my mother mother at some point in my teens - it was about separation and growing up I think, not about sounding posh. I don't think I used any name for her for a while before I started using mother, I remember feeling a bit odd saying Mum and I'm not sure I really did use it after feeling too old to say Mummy.

But really how often does she refer to herself in the 3rd person? Just ignore and carry on with what you've always used if that's what you want. Your sister doesn't have to follow your rules and really neither does your mother - perhaps she also feels it's more adult rather than posher.

Sprogletsmuvva · 22/04/2017 19:56

Just to throw another angle on it - isn't "Mother" often used in the north by a husband to his wife, usually in the presence of their children? As in, "Eh Mother, that were a right good pie" ?

reuset · 22/04/2017 20:29

Just to throw another angle on it - isn't "Mother" often used in the north by a husband to his wife, usually in the presence of their children? As in, "Eh Mother, that were a right good pie"?

I can hear the accent there! In the old films in the early half of the 1900s perhaps Do they really still do that now?

AuldHeathen · 22/04/2017 20:52

I thought really posh people called their mums mummy. Okay, I've met only one quite posh person and she and her sister always called the mother mummy. I used to find it really weird these grown wimmin saying 'mummy' to a very elderly lady.

Headofthehive55 · 22/04/2017 20:59

My mummy was promoted to granny on her first grandchild's birth!

mammuzzamia · 22/04/2017 21:01

It's not weird! Much.

I'm not addressing the pp, as such, so sorry. Only that I get tired or being judged, and inverted snobbery. From my accent, to the words I/my children use. Always being called posh, it's wearing. I forget about it, somebody reminds me. Sorry, that's a bit of a derail. I'm not cross at all

plaintomatopasta · 24/04/2017 05:52

Norman Bates calls his mum Mother all the time...

Olddear · 24/04/2017 08:11

We said 'mum' but 'mother!!!!' when she was in trouble with us when we were adults. I used a combination of mum/mother when I was talking about her to others.

thegreylady · 24/04/2017 08:16

My grandma was always Mother in our family (NE) and great grandmother was Mother Dxxxx
It used to be used a lot for old women in times past maybe if you tell your mum that it might alter her feeling about the name. I'm afraid I moved from Mammy to Mam to Mum as I grew up 🙂

BarbarianMum · 24/04/2017 08:21

Since when do we get no say in how others address us?

Labtest7 · 24/04/2017 10:25

I'm from the north east and have only ever used 'mam'. 'Mum' would be posh to us.

befuddledgardener · 24/04/2017 10:29

I think you're being a bit silly. Just carry on calling her mum and your sis and mum can use what ever they prefer too. There is no reason to get your knickers in a twist about it. It's unimportant.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 24/04/2017 10:46

I wonder if another part of this is the fact that she has chosen what your sister has decided to call her, so it's as though she's chosen her over you...? I get that, I really do. There's something similar in my family which has seen me and my mum move apart (not that my mum really realises this) because she will choose my sister over me. I understand her reasons why, but it seriously irks and hurts me (which I know sounds very OTT without explaining the background but I don't want to derail the thread).

How precious is she about what you call yourself? My mother hates anyone using nicknames for me, whilst calling me a variety of things (including proper names which have no relations to any of my first names). If she's at all like that I'd start signing off with another random name, and then, when she objects that you're not using the name she's given you, point out that she's doing the exact thing to you.

LazySusan11 · 24/04/2017 10:54

I think yab a bit u Ernest, it's just a name she's still your mum. I'm 39 my mum died 3 months ago far too young. I would love the opportunity to call her mum, mother, whatever. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. Your mum the person matters.

MelinaMercury · 26/04/2017 09:31

Ha i knew i had seen this on here!

You know this is one of the 'debates' on the ch5 equivelant of Jeremy Vile this morning :o

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:31

Matthew Wright just mentioned they'll be discussing this on The Wright Stuff in a while.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:31

Ha! X posted

MelinaMercury · 26/04/2017 09:33

Excellent in-depth topical journalism and research as usual!

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:34

Meh. It's a daytime TV show so what do you expect?

I quite like it though and most of his guests.

MelinaMercury · 26/04/2017 09:36

This is true, i'm stuck on the sofa with a bug and a pukey daughter so shit TV it is :o

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:44

Aww I hope she makes a speedy recovery

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