to feel angry with mum becoming 'mother' (and what, if anything do I do about it?)

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Ok, probably totally outing myself, but well.

I am old. 46 to be precise. I'm from the NE. My mum has always been my mum. Even when we moved down south, she was still mum.

Then my sister, a few years ago, decided to better herself, and tried to reduce her northern accent and sound posher. She then started to call our mum 'mother'. I think it sounds fucking stupid and pretentious. And she isn't 'mother' she's mum.

Anyway, my mum has since adopted it. And refers to herself as mother. I still think it sounds totally ridiculous. I hate it. When I get a card (or even an WhatsApp) from 'mother' it gives me the rage. firstly cos it just sounds so fucking pretentious and jumped up, secondly, cos she's been my mum for over 40 years, and now she's "MOTHER" (wtf) and thirdly I guess cos it feels like she's siding with my sister, or even worse, adopting her pretentious.

I have mentioned before that I don't like it, but she still does it.

So, do I try again, and if so, how, or do I put up with it until one of us snuffs it, and just feel fucking annoyed every time I have some communication with her?

I get called 'mother' when I'm in trouble with grown up daughters

My two brothers call our parents "mother" and "father". I call them mummy and daddy.

I really think its up to her, whay she refers to herself.

I think this is more about your feelings toward your sister, changing, than anything else.

I didn't want to cloud the issue with mam

Dorothea, dunno what that face is about. I understand mum is used all over. the N/S relevance is that my sister moved to a posh area in SE and decided to drop the northern. and adopt a new posh northern-eradicated, mother-calling persona.

I suppose she could call herself what she wants, but surely changing something so fundamental should at least involve discussion? I mean, she gave birth to me, raised me as mum, then after more than 4 decade she starts using a new and frankly ridiculous name that feels cold, impersonal and 'foreign' and I'm supposed to just adopt it?

A name is a special thing. Otherwise we could all just have numbers. Plenty of people on here complaining that other people call their dc by the 'wrong' name. We have emotional attachments to names and concepts. That's just a fact.

To be fair, if 'mother' is her preference then that is what you should call her. The same as if you wanted to change your own name. I think you should call her that if it is what she wants and I expect it will grow on you.

Unless there is some other problem in your relationship?

You want her to discuss how she refers to herself, with you?

My teens call me Mother. Or Aged Parent.

I call my parents Mummy and Daddy and they call me by my pet name, as do all the family.

We are clearly wankers

Mother is pretty widely used in Yorkshire.

It's not commonly used in the parts of the south I've lived in.

Isn't mummy much posher than mother? At least all the toffs in MIC call their mums mummy. If they're going to fake posh, they need to get it right.

Plenty of people on here complaining that other people call their dc by the 'wrong' name.

Not the same at all. If the child isnt old enough to decide for themseleves, thats fair enough.

But if a child/older child/teen liked their nickname or was happy with people changing their name. Then iys not the parents decision.

Besides which this is what she is calling herself. Not that other people are getting it wrong.

I think you should be asking yourself why exactly it upsets you so much, and what your basis is for assuming its to do with your sister 'bettering herself' ( and moving away, because you seem to be taking this awfully personally, when it's not fundamentally to do with you.

You can't control what people choose to do, and this is your sister and mother's choice about forms of address. Your mother isn't forbidding you to address her by the term you prefer.

Plenty of people on here complaining that other people call their dc by the 'wrong' name.

Exactly. Because they have named their child and that is their prerogative. Once that child is old enough to decide, they can choose how they want to be referred to.

For example, a child who has been called Tommy all his life, might prefer to be called Tom or even Thomas when he moves to big school.

Just message back "Mother? Where's Mum gone?" and see what she does.

46 going on 16! It all sounds a bit silly. Who cares. It's their lives

Incidentally, I am one of four widely-scattered siblings, and among the four of us there are at least three different names for our mother, without anyone shrieking about people 'bettering themselves' and how it ruins everything.

And my son has called me by my first name for years without our relationship being wrecked.

Start calling her by her real name.

if your DSis lives in the South and has done for a long time, are you sure you arent just reading 'pretension' into her perfectly normal accent and language changes? You said she "tried to change her accent" - was it a thing she did or was it a thing that happened due to where she lives and who she talks to? Some people will hold a strong accent developed in childhood for 50+ years living elsewhere, other people the accent will change to match the one they hear every day.

I grew up in the NW, but when I moved to london 15 years ago, I worked somewhere with most of my colleagues had English as a 2nd language and so I had to make an effort not to use slang, to talk slower and clearly to be understood. My accent did quickly soften. It wasnt a delibrate thing, but just other than my parents, I don't normaly talk to anyone with a northern accent.

My mum took it upon herself about 10 odd years ago (actually I think it was when the first grandchildren were born) to refer to herself and 'mummy' and my dad as 'daddy'. I just ignore it; well I try - often I think 'for fucks sake, so prattish ' in my head, certainly don't use the terms. In fact I recall I had to ask permission to stop calling her mummy (permission granted before I went to secondary).

Mind you my mum has a whole litany of issues going on.

I'd just carry on calling her mum.
Bil, who can be a bit affected at times, decided to start referring to his mum by her christian name about 15 years ago. It gets on dh's nerves. He says, "Do you mean mum?" or, "Otherwise known as mum." to him quite often.
I keep out of it.

Call her mam!

Another family here who routinely use 'Aged P' and maternal/paternal ancestor by way of affectionate micky taking.

My FiL uses the term 'mother' when he is doing his full blown 'I'm a Yorkshireman wi' flat-cap-and-whippets' performance - perhaps your sister has hopped across the border to his home town?

Your mum gets to call herself whatever she likes but you might want to point out to your sister that if she wants to 'do posh' she would be better off using 'mummy'.

Start referring to her as "moth" like I do to my mum when she gives me the shits

Oh I just saw your post. My db called our parents by their first names.

Can't get past you think 46 is old! That's the real post here.

Anyway regards mother that's not posh it reminds me of a northern comedian as in eee mother.

Surely mummy is posh.

I'd try adding the f word onto the end of Mother, that should soon put a stop to it.

Yanbu.
This would irritate me too.