to feel angry with mum becoming 'mother' (and what, if anything do I do about it?)

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Ok, probably totally outing myself, but well.

I am old. 46 to be precise. I'm from the NE. My mum has always been my mum. Even when we moved down south, she was still mum.

Then my sister, a few years ago, decided to better herself, and tried to reduce her northern accent and sound posher. She then started to call our mum 'mother'. I think it sounds fucking stupid and pretentious. And she isn't 'mother' she's mum.

Anyway, my mum has since adopted it. And refers to herself as mother. I still think it sounds totally ridiculous. I hate it. When I get a card (or even an WhatsApp) from 'mother' it gives me the rage. firstly cos it just sounds so fucking pretentious and jumped up, secondly, cos she's been my mum for over 40 years, and now she's "MOTHER" (wtf) and thirdly I guess cos it feels like she's siding with my sister, or even worse, adopting her pretentious.

I have mentioned before that I don't like it, but she still does it.

So, do I try again, and if so, how, or do I put up with it until one of us snuffs it, and just feel fucking annoyed every time I have some communication with her?

Overthinking I know exactly what you mean. I used to try and curb my Geordie accent but I just can't. I lived in the Middle East and I think it actually got stronger when I was there. When we visit other parts of the country often people will just ask me to speak as they love the accent. They probably judge me as common but I don't care now. I didn't have a rough upbringing, in fact I went to a private school but I don't sound like it.

My husband is from Heaton and he doesn't have a Geordie accent. He just has quite a posh Northern accent but it serves him well for work.

We both say Mam though not mum. No one I know says mum up here. I'm proud to be known as mammy.

Overemphasize each syllable and say it slowly, in the style of Blackadder.

We are Mum and Dad to DCs but Mummy and Daddy to the dog !

Sprink Middle age has moved right, so is now about mid 50s. 46 is 5 years,younger than I am, and I wouldn't class myself as middle aged quite yet.

OP Is your sister Donna Air?

'Mother' sounds like a 1930s radio show.

I'd start calling her 'maw'. As in, 'The Broons'.

I say 'Mum', but also say 'Muma', 'Mother', 'Mama', 'Mummy' in a jokey and affectionate way. Wouldn't bother me what my sister called her. Lots of people where I live in the West Midlands say 'Mom', which my Mum doesn't like!

Oh and I think 46 is middle aged, as it is the middle of your life.

I call my "mum" mother as I don't like her!

I did this as a teenager too. I call her 'mum' to her face now, but she's always 'my mother' when I'm talking about her..

When my brother refers to our parents he calls them the parental units, or just the parentals. (He sees himself as a bit of a joker...)

but she's always 'my mother' when I'm talking about her..

isn't that normal`? I do that when talking about my mother and my father...

I think so, shark - it would feel strange as an adult describing her as 'my mum' to other adults (although I accept that others do this and clearly don't see it as odd).

longines
Same... Also because I don't use mum ;) I actually often call her by her first names.

So if I'm talking to people that know her personally I'd just say insert name of shark's mother. But if I'm talking to her I either use her first name or call her Mama. (my father is Papa, btw. I feel like I'm revealing my non-British origines )

Im from the north east. Mother is very commonly used round here and the opposite of posh .

Its endearing though. I find it quite traditional but sweet.

You are in the minority using mum. Most people say mam anyway.

I've lived in the SE all my life and the only time I've ever heard (or used) "mother" was when someone's been pissed off with their mum. Maybe I'm too SE... we get a bit common the further south we get

I think "mother" is quite working class. Not in a snobby way, just that I've heard it mostly in that context.
"mummy" is much posher

I don't call my mother "mum" any more, she's just not a "mum" type, she is my mother though

Mine started calling herself 'Mater' at one point so I joined in and started calling Dad 'Pertater'. They soon packed it in

I used to call mine 'the parental units'. Dad is mostly Daddy or Daddio and Mum was Mummy most of the time. For reference, I'm 34 and Posh Northern but spend 10 years in London.

No fucking clue what our kids will call us - as far as the cats are concerned, we're Mama Dinosaur and Mama (her nickname). I shall force-feed them Wodehouse in the hope of being the Aged Ps, though....

Force-feed the kids Wodehouse, not the cats. They're more into contemporary literary fiction.

Just adapt it to muvvaaaaaaaah (a la Zoe Slater)

I'm from Cornwall and mother is definitely not posh down here!

I can see why you're upset OP. I'd just carry on calling her mum. (If she didn't like it then I would point out that she's been calling my brother by a name he doesn't like and doesn't use himself for almost 40 years!)

But what to do about it?

Could you whisper the word "fucker" every time your sister says "mother", so, very quietly that it is barely audible so that slowly, over time, without even knowing the reason why, you sister feels uncomfortable to say "mother" out loud.

Like gas lighting but for good people.

My son (18) calls me "Mother" unless he's talking to other people about me then it's "my Mum".
Doesn't bother me at all

OP MIL has just done this to DH.

He sent his usual Mothers' Day card/gift and got a phonecall saying, 'thank you for my card, but why don't you write 'mom' in it? I've always been mom!'

DH replies 'I haven't called you 'mom' since we moved away from the Midlands when I was 7 40 years ago '

In the ultimate display of passive-aggressive last-word-ery, MIL then sends a thank you card 'from Mom'

She is cuckoo.

I suggest you start using the third person polite form, beloved of Southern Europeans: 'would mother like to take tea avec moi?' and out-posh her.

You really resent your sister, don't you, OP? You don't seem to like the fact that she has a relationship with your mother that is separate or different from your relationship with your mother's. You seem not to like your sister very much.