to feel angry with mum becoming 'mother' (and what, if anything do I do about it?)

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Ok, probably totally outing myself, but well.

I am old. 46 to be precise. I'm from the NE. My mum has always been my mum. Even when we moved down south, she was still mum.

Then my sister, a few years ago, decided to better herself, and tried to reduce her northern accent and sound posher. She then started to call our mum 'mother'. I think it sounds fucking stupid and pretentious. And she isn't 'mother' she's mum.

Anyway, my mum has since adopted it. And refers to herself as mother. I still think it sounds totally ridiculous. I hate it. When I get a card (or even an WhatsApp) from 'mother' it gives me the rage. firstly cos it just sounds so fucking pretentious and jumped up, secondly, cos she's been my mum for over 40 years, and now she's "MOTHER" (wtf) and thirdly I guess cos it feels like she's siding with my sister, or even worse, adopting her pretentious.

I have mentioned before that I don't like it, but she still does it.

So, do I try again, and if so, how, or do I put up with it until one of us snuffs it, and just feel fucking annoyed every time I have some communication with her?

My parents were until they died Mummy & Daddy to all their DC.
I fully expected to be Mummy to my DC but my DD started as a teenager to call me Mum, which I dislike. So I sign my emails/texts with M as a sort of half way measure. My DD says she feels silly calling me Mummy as she feels she's "too old" and it sounds childish. However when she's upset/emotional/affectionate etc she reverts to Mummy .
Would be interesting OP to know if your sister would revert to Mum in a crisis where she blurts it our ir whether she has internalised the Mother thing?

If I were you I would just keep addressing her as Mum, as you always have done. Not sure you can control what she refers to herself as; she's maybe just trying to streamline what she's called by you both and has picked the "wrong" version for you. You've told her your view; she's either forgotten it or chosen to ignore you, so nod and smile and carry on as you were.

My stbxh says Mum when he's talking about her to others but when he addresses her directly he sort of changes it to somewhere between Mem and Mym. Everytime. It grates. Every single time. Shudders 😖

AIBU? Yes you are. Anyone who thinks 46 is old is ridiculous. What will you be when you are 99?

AIBU to not want my Mum to call herself Mother? (Or my stuck up sister who started it and I'm still jealous of her after all these years even though I'm so old) Um Yes. Call her Lady Marmaduke Pensely Wetherinton or what ever you want. Grow up OP.

And "mother" isn't posh. It's quiet working class actually. Prince Charles calls his mother "Mummy" and he's miles older than you.

quite not quiet. Pants.

Anyone who thinks 46 is old is ridiculous.

Maybe. But others who have said 46 isn't middle aged are delusional.

I think you have a right to be called what you choose.

I'm from a posh area and Mum is normal. Upper types use Ma mahh. Now that is posh!

I can understand why this would be weird. It's a bit like rewriting history. I'd snort with laughter the first few times, then start rolling my eyes, and finally get annoyed with it. Yes, she can change her "role" if she likes, but you can also be irritated by it.

Maybe start calling her mama. You have to enunciate this properly for maximum effect, i.e. ma-MAAAH, like you just fell out of Pride & Prejudice. Make sure she also refers to you by your newly-preferred name or title, e.g. the Elder Ms Bavarian, or some obnoxiously frilly nickname. Any objection she can raise to this, you can raise to her own choice.

If you're from NE wouldn't it be 'mam' anyway?

When she compares you to other mums, do you not remind her that their children are cared for regularly by their grandparents? What could
she say to that?

Sorry, wrong thread.

I can fully understand where you are coming from OP. My sister has re-written history regarding her upbringing to a massive degree since marrying the person she has married. I poke fun. I can't help it. Bad me!
Your Mum and sister are both wrong though if their goal is to sound posher than they've got any business being. I went to skool with vair posh people and they call their parents Mummy and Daddy.

I have a friend who from an early age called his Mum by her maiden name but shortened so like Smithy if her name had been Smith for example. I think it's endearing and a sort of in joke between only them.

Having said that I also know someone that calls his folks Prole and Troll

DD calls me mother because she thinks it's funny.

DS calls me mum because, well he rarely thinks past a cricket bat.

DD2 calls me mummy as she's only 3.

I don't call my mum anything because she's dead.

Just be fucking grateful you've a mum, appreciate your relationship and let your sister call her Darthmaul if she wants to!!

I do think your sense of ownership over what your mother calls herself in relation to you is a bit OTT, actually.

We live in an area (of Germany) where a lot of kids still call their mothers Mutti . My middle one has tried it once or twice, more as a joke than anything else, but I've made it perfectly clear that I do not answer to Mutti. If you don't feel right calling her Mother, don't, but if that's how she wants to refer to herself, I think it's a bit - I don't know - possessive? controlling? - to want her to stop.

I think people have the right to choose their own nicknames/terms of endearment.

I see where you are coming from and I would carry on using mum. Or as a PP suggested change it to "Mummy" and out-posh your DSis. My DC go to naice private schools and I don't think I have heard any of them use Mother unless they were taking the mick "Oh Mother don't you know who [insert random celeb name] is..." or indirectly as in "I'll check with my Mother"

Mother is a bit Hyacinth, to be honest but.....she has a right to choose how she is addressed and a right to change that over time.

After watching Little Lord Fauntleroy as a kid I started calling mum Mother Dearest to wind her up. Still do it, still works!

Uhm... Idk. I don't think you have the right to dictate how somebody else calls their mother (even if their mother is also your mother...) Just like your mother is allowed to refer to herself however she wants...

I think (??) it's quite normal to say "mother" and "father" when talking about with somebody about them ("It was my mother's birthday...").
Anyhow. I personally don't like the sound of "mum".

I think Mama or Mummy is perfectly fine... (I call my mother Mama. But my mother and I usually speak German with each other...)
I call myself "Mama" when talking to DD (who is still very little).

*about them with somebody...

Oops ;)

My son calls me mother if we're joking around, otherwise I'm mum, at least she's not using Mummy

I think YABU. You can keep calling her mum but you can't enforce what she refers to herself as. Obviously "mother" stuck and she likes it...it sounds like she's joking and having fun. I don't know if it's anything to get upset about.

Plenty of "posh" people say Mum. My parents were well spoken but not posh and they were always Mummy and Daddy. If your mum is a grandparent maybe you can call her by that name? Granny/Nana etc? We didn't plan that but with very young DGC they do get confused when my adult DC call me Mum or Mummy so they are increasingly all calling me Nana. In the final analysis your DM has the right to be called what she wants though. Have you actually asked her why the change to mother and is it just your sister's influence? Why not say to her that you've always called her Mum and don't want that to change!

Brought up on poor council estate in the north east and it was mostly Mam, but plenty of people used Mother too, but where I lived it was judged as common, with Mum and mummy being the wanky snobby label.

Youd hear people ( it always seemed to be men or boys thinking on it) shout "mother, passus me a, b c" or "mother fetch me this" and it would just sound so disrespectful, maybe it's the context it was used, always before an order or request.

My brother is lovely but is different to the breast of my immediate family in a way, in that he seems uncomfortable of how we were brought up, family can laugh at something for childhood and you can see his brain ticking thinking "omg, I'm so glad my DC won't experience that" and unless you knew him, he can come across as forgetting where he's from, or being ashamed but it's not. It's wanting to leave behind the shitty attitudes and judging and comments and bullying we had as a children from children and adults of "better" families.

When he was about 11 he tried to start calling Mam, Mum like the better of DC did and while my Mam didn't like it, she knew he wasn't snubbing her, he was just trying to keep his head down and avoid another beating from kids at school. He quickly realised that it didn't change anything though, they found something else.

If my Mam changed her title to whatever, I'd probably take the piss a bit, like I would about her posh telephone voice, I'm guilty of the same, I iften type Mum instead of Mam, and it's been a struggle to not go back and change it on this thread, I drop my "Geordie" accent for important phone calls, because for me, I feel taken more seriously when it's not assumed I'm "rough".

I'm absolutely not ashamed of my upbringing, or my life now (still council estate, not comfortable and I struggle with money still, but not breadline like when a child) but I'm careful about who I talk about it too because some people still hear the words "council estate" and judge.

If you family have had rough time growing up, could the title Mother be one of the few "posh" things she's been given, so she's adopted it? Could she be going along with it for your sister? Like my Mam did for my db? Could she feel correcting sister is pointing out her different life now and feel like she'd be pushing her away? It's something you need to talk about if it's upsetting you, just don't make it a one sister versus another sister thing? My Mam wouldn't correct me calling her Mam if one if the others decided to call her Mother, she wouldn't correct them either, so unless she is insisting you use Mother too, you can't really tell her to force others to use words you want, or use them herself. I do see why you feel upset though.

Whatsapp, my Mam everyday leaves message in our group chat contains all siblings and their partners/spouses with a "morning shitheads" and "goodnight cunts" :)