to feel angry with mum becoming 'mother' (and what, if anything do I do about it?)

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Ok, probably totally outing myself, but well.

I am old. 46 to be precise. I'm from the NE. My mum has always been my mum. Even when we moved down south, she was still mum.

Then my sister, a few years ago, decided to better herself, and tried to reduce her northern accent and sound posher. She then started to call our mum 'mother'. I think it sounds fucking stupid and pretentious. And she isn't 'mother' she's mum.

Anyway, my mum has since adopted it. And refers to herself as mother. I still think it sounds totally ridiculous. I hate it. When I get a card (or even an WhatsApp) from 'mother' it gives me the rage. firstly cos it just sounds so fucking pretentious and jumped up, secondly, cos she's been my mum for over 40 years, and now she's "MOTHER" (wtf) and thirdly I guess cos it feels like she's siding with my sister, or even worse, adopting her pretentious.

I have mentioned before that I don't like it, but she still does it.

So, do I try again, and if so, how, or do I put up with it until one of us snuffs it, and just feel fucking annoyed every time I have some communication with her?

Actually, next time you see your Mum, could you say to her that you don't like the 'mother' name, because while that's her "title", it's not the name you've ever called her. That if she doesnt' want to be called "Mum" anymore, you don't mind even though you do as it was only ever an affectionate nickname, but if shes not going to be Mum, you'd rather just call her by her real name, not her title. Point out calling her "Mother" would be like her calling you "Daughter" all the time, which just is odd as it's not a name.

Call her by her real name for a while, she might well prefer Mum to real name if it's clear Mother isnt' an option.

Anyway, my mum has since adopted it. And refers to herself as mother

This is the only important part. Respect her choice.

She can call herself what she likes, but I understand why you don't like it OP. "Mother" feels really distant and unfriendly.

Think of a really daft poncy name for yourself and insist she call you that.

How many threads to we have on her about people refusing to pronounce name correctly, or using a completely different name or spelling? And consistently it is said that people are allowed to choose what they are called ie Isabella not Belle or Izzy and they are quite within their rights to ignore anyone who doesn't use the preferred name.

Op - get over yourself here. Your Mother has chosen what she wants to be known as.

Then my sister, a few years ago, decided to better herself, and tried to reduce her northern accent and sound posher

You have what is known as a massive fucking chip on your shoulder about your origins and your sisters lifestyle choices.

Ooh yes daughter would be an option too. Sign your emails "Daughter".

You seem rather offended by your sister's changed accent etc.

If you want to call your mum, call her mum.

Surely if you are from the NE she is "mam" anyway?!

What Bonkers said.

I grew up in a posh part of the SE and no one I've ever met there calls their mum 'Mother.'

What you call your parents is deeply rooted in decades of memories and associations with childhood and growing up.

What your mum is doing is effectively sweeping aside all those memories and giving herself a new identity that you can't relate to. I think it's really unfeeling of her, and all just to please her other DD. Favoritism at its worst. Your DSis sounds like she's right up her own backside putting it politely.

Start calling her Mater with immediate effect, its much more posh.

My mum actually calls me eldest which annoys me.

I guess calling her mother as a title isn't bad. Some people call their little boys "son" a lot. Even a stranger in our house yesterday said "alright son" to our little boy as a way of saying hello.

As to people getting DC names wrong that happens a lot with people who call my son Theo when he's name is Teddy and even if I correct them they still do it.

jane

Our teens and twenties call us rents.

I think Bonkers might have a point. You do want to think again about why this riles you so much (it's her name, can't she choose how she signs herself?), and also why you make the (totally erroneous) assumption that calling yourself Mother would be a plausible part of a campaign to make yourself posh or southern. If this is because there is so much bad blood already that anything reminiscent of your sister riles you, then that is what you need to address.

Just to recapitulate:

people who move to a different region often find (or simply don't realise at all) that their accent changes of itself

Mother is neither posh nor southern: Mummy would be the appropriate term if she was really trying

Take her out into the street and shout (like Zoe did to Kat) "You're not my Muvva!" and She can shout back "Yes I am"

Whoa! It is entirely your sister and mother's choice. You sound controlling, OP.

You don't like your sister do you
Op? It's ok I don't like mine either she moved to London and went all bloody big city and sneery to me and mom and dad and now posh in Sussex and writes poetry.

Thanks for the replies. Seems the majority think IABU. Ok. That's interesting.

I'm surprised by how madly rude some of you are. I genuinely feel upset and uncomfortable about this. If someone said they felt upset about something, even if I thought they were 'wrong', I'd be able to voice my opinion in a kinder way.

Oh and Bonkers, you really couldn't be more wrong. Really. I have no problem with where I come from. It is my sister with the chip on her shoulder. Hence the dropping of mum, the accent etc. But that's fine. She can do what she want.

There you go call her mom. That should piss them both off.

Scaryteacher, after Great Ex. we called our folks the APs, too. They had no objections.

Birthday cards and presents would even be labelled AP (Male) etc.

,

I call my parents Mother and Father, or Maw and Paw, or Ma and Pa, and they refer to themselves and each other with the same variety of names.

My teenage son, calls me "Moth-er" sometimes adding "even though I've never seen you catch one".

The problem here seems to be yours, and you do come across as quite controlling, and rigid about what other people call themselves.

But OP you do manage to sound very much as if there was something wrong with your sister moving to another part of the country and her accent being influenced. Can you explain why this is wrong?

Basically, I think you would have had a completely different answer and far more sympathy if you hadn't sounded so shirty about your sister's perfectly normal choices.

I moved to a different country altogether and speak a different language. I don't feel bad about it. Should I?

If your sister is actually doing it to seem posh she has misjudged it.

We hang out with loads of genuinely posh people (country-set prep school and we live in a Public school due to work). The standard address is 'mummy'. A lot of the adults still call their mother this. Although when referring indirectly to their parent I think most would say 'my mother'. I've heard the occasional child use 'mama'.

I don't get the snob connotations at all.

My mum grew up working class in wales. She and her brothers and their partners all call my nan "mother", it's something that started when they got married I think, a sort of marking the child becoming an adult. I, on the other hand, grew up much more privileged in the SE and my mum is still called "mum". If there was anything remotely posh about it, my mum would have insisted on it herself!

It's not robbing them of their childhood memories FFS. Parents aren't totems to sit around being preserved to help grown up children recall their own memories!!

I know someone who calls their parents 'mother' and 'father'. It sounds disengaged and disrespectful, like they are trying to manage their parents.

Perhaps your mum has different reasons for taking it on, now that you are older, her role as a mum has diminished, perhaps emotionally she is stepping into a different role.

If that's not the case then why not call her 'muvva' with a Cockney/Essex twang... Or find another nickname that amusingly and cleverly slightly mocks their aspirations...

Some of my siblings would call Grandma 'Auld x' then mum and dad became variations of that, eventually shortened to 'Ag' and 'Am'. Mum was often called 'Ad' (auld dragon) or Hyacinth Bucket.