(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

epoxy my elective section was absolutely magical. I highly recommend it. The most perfect experience. My beautiful baby delivered straight on to my chest, lots of excitement and congratulations from everyone. No fear, no pain. I do sometimes think that I should have had a VBAC with him to show that I could but I don't care really!

Postnatal care was shit but I knew this time that nobody was on my side and I didn't expect help or sympathy, so it wasn't as bad!!

Duchess I agree that some midwives do become 'hardened'. I deal with midwives quite a lot as in my current job. Many of them are wonderful but I've also had women describe experiences similar to those on this thread and I've met a few dreadful ones throughout my pregnancies.
I was thinking the other day that, for midwives, they see being babies being born all the time, it's just another day at the office. However, for the women they care for, this is one of the defining moments of their life and the way that they are treated can make the difference between that memory being a happy or an awful one. The majority of women won't give birth more than three times, many will only do it once or twice and I think midwives and obstetricians need to remember that - it may be routine to them but it absolutely isn't to the woman giving birth.
I had the most wonderful midwife for my second birth - she never left my side. When DD was born, she said that she felt immensely privileged to do her job and share such intimate moments with families. In many ways, it was a pretty awful birth - back to back, contractions stopped so had to be put on a drip, hours of pushing and then ventouse delivery and PPH. However, my memories of DD's birth are positive because the care I had was so good.

terrylene that's exactly what I meant - although you explained it much better than I did!!!

Same happened to me. A week of 'pre-labour' during which I didn't get any decent amount of sleep. Eventually, I told DP he was taking me in, and I just refused to leave - I kept repeating (inbetween 5 minute contractions) that I wasn't coping, as did DP.

They put me in the pre-labour ward, and after I begged, suggested a bath - which was luke warm, and not deep enough to cover the bits that needed soothing. So DP camped out at the desk and got me a shot of pethidine (50 minutes of blissful void sleep), and later gas and air (they ignored me - like an expert waiter, not meeting my eyes as they bustled around the ward).

During labour (which didn't progress, just like my first labour had they read my notes) I was actually pushed to have an epidural, because I couldn't sit on the bed - it was too painful - and being on the ball meant that they weren't getting their precious trace for an un-interrupted 10 minutes. By that point (and high from that 50 minutes of sleep still) I knew that I was headed for EMCS though, and didn't want to give them any reason more to ignore me, so I refused until I could get a spinal block.

Actually, the CS pain was fine - I was given diclofenac and ibuprofen, but was onto just paracetamol within a week (it turns out because they did a rubbish job of the stitching - it's all baggy and unconnected unlike after the first one where I needed pain relief for longer because it was all done a bit more thoroughly, and could feel the internal stitches dissolve).

I agree though - I was in A&E with my older kid and saw someone come in with a badly sprained ankle (obviously at the time they didn't know if it was sprain or broken) - pain relief was first on the list. One groan and they were helped. Why women are just left to it I don't know. (actually, I do)

Confusingly, the pressure to not have pain relief and to steer away from medical interventions tends to come from women, not men.

Even more confusingly labour can also be life-affirming and genuinely empowering. This is fuck all help if that's not how it goes for you.

FWIW my births were relatively easy and although they hurt the pain was never unbearable. I have happy memories of both and wish gas and air were legal to take normally - lovely lovely stuff. I suspect that a lot of low intervention birth evangelists had similar experiences to me and are less willing than I am to accept that good and bad labour experiences are down to luck more than preparation.

persisford I've heard so many stories like yours - of ELCSs being calm, almost enjoyable experiences - and I've heard so many many stories of the injuries and the abject terror of vaginal birth - that I genuinely question the whole 'vag is best' mantra. I can't help wondering if we're guilted into pushing them out because it's cheaper and we deserve the pain anyway.

Yanbu. I am still tormented with awful memories of begging for help and being laughed at and told to stop making a fuss and that I wouldn't cope when real labour started with dc1 (Who was born less than an hour later). It is fucking barbaric how women are routinely treated

Pigface1 If you mean the Labours of Eve thing - it is something that really pisses me off - I think it is the underlying reason why doctors are so happy to fob women off from looking for hrt. It is probably not anything anyone would consciously admit to but it seems to be deeply engrained into society.

I also think that what is said in the bible is a reflection of society and not an instruction.

I completely agree OP.
My first labour was similar, back to back and contractions didn't regulate. I kept being told I wasn't in established labour as my contractions were all over the place (waters had broken so didn't send me home) so was told I couldn't have anything other than paracetamol. I actually had a midwife tut at me when I said I couldn't walk around the corridors anymore - I was in absolute agony for 22 hours before they gave me a drip to regulate the contractions once I was already fully dilated.

2nd labour the midwife didn't believe I was in labour, I went in at 3-4cm and told they would leave me for 4 hours to see if anything progressed if not send me home. It was only at the midwife change over 3 hours and 45 minutes later that I was listened to and gave birth 10 minutes after that.

3rd labour was amazing, midwife listened and let me take control. Just having somebody say okay and trusting you turns things into a completely different experience.

I think it's relevant that I'm definitely not a screamer. I wasn't listened to because I didn't appear to reach their standard of 'in enough pain'

Congratulations on your baby! I think it's crazy too, the double standard of approaches to pain that goes on in relation to childbirth. It's positively misogynistic. As pp have said, if men gave birth it would be different.

I had a c-section so not the same as your experience, but I find it baffling that after major abdominal surgery (in which I lost 1300ml of blood) you are expected to walk out after 48 hours and look after a baby full time, with only a few quid's worth of paracetamol and ibuprofen to keep you going. It's madness.

I haven't RTFT but your labour sounds pretty similar to mine! I went into labour at 2am Tuesday morning.. My DD wasn't born until 11am Friday morning (by crash section).

For approximately 70 hours I was having painful contractions every five minutes (but yes, counted as 'pre-labour' because I was only 2-3cm dilated. Pre-labour my a*. I was in more pain at home for three days than I was at the birth centre when I was finally admitted at the magical 4cm. This may or may not have been due to the fact that I also had urine retention which no one bothered to check during the two previous times I went in.. Despite complaining of symptoms!).

I had zero sleep.. Unless you count the micro-sleeps on the last night for approx four minutes at a time between contractions..

And yes, because it was 'pre-labour', I was sent away with no pain-relief. You were lucky with the codeine I got aromatherapy oil

Anyway, there was no way DD was coming out naturally... They had to break my waters after I was stuck at 4cm for four hours, I got put on the drip after then only progressing another 1cm.. I think I'd still only got to 6cm when DD got distressed so had an EMCS.. After nearly four days, she was out in four minutes

I do read in amazement about these three-hour labours and cannot even comprehend what that must be like!

Oh and congratulations!

I don't know about you, but I was so completely sleep-deprived and out of it when DD was born that it took a while to sink in!

I have experienced both ends of the birthing spectrum - a highly medicalised, high risk twin birth by c-section with 12 day hospital stay and a home birth.

First time round my waters broke early but labour didn't start so I was admitted for monitoring. On the antenatal ward I developed bladder retention (my bladder wouldn't empty because of the position of one of the twins was restricting the ureter) which is an intensely painful condition. The MW wouldn't believe me when I said I was in agony and told me that was what I was like at the end of a twin pregnancy and that I should stop moaning. Eventually my bladder was so full that I became incontinent, with pain building up in excruciating waves until I wet myself. This happened many times over a 48 hour period during which I was crying to the MW that something was wrong and I needed pain relief. It was so humiliating to have to keep asking for clean sheets (which I had to change myself) and I was told off for asking for a maternity pad because I should have brought them with me (I did but I had used them all up trying to deal with the incontinence). I ran out of clean PJs and ended up lying naked in wet sheets until my husband came in the next morning. After three days of being in hospital I broke down and swore at the MW who suggested I take a bath to ease the pain - at this point a consultant scanned my abdomen and found my bladder so enlarged, it didn't fit on the screen. Three and a half pints of urine were drained via a catheter and I had a c-section the following morning.

Unfortunately it didn't get much better after the section. My babies were in NICU and I wanted to be with them as much as possible which meant I missed the drug round. When I got back to post natal ward and asked for pain relief I was told that the only MW that could dispense drugs was busy and that I'd have to wait for the next round in 4 hours time - this was less than 24 hrs after a c-section. I took paracetamol and ibuprofen my husband bought from the hospital newsagents.

My HBAC was a lovely experience that has helped heal some of the mental scars of the hospital birth. I won't have any more babies now but I don't think the experienice I had first time will ever leave me.

I had a very similar experience with my first child - utterly agonising pain and minimised/ignored by midwives. Turned out ds was stuck and ended up having a spinal & forceps delivery in theatre which was a walk in the park in comparison.

Take time to process it. I have 3 kids and all have been back labours, last 2 very quick. But the pain was nowhere near as bad 2nd & 3rd time round, still sore but much more manageable.

YADNBU. I had a back to back labour and it was a thousand times worse than I could have imagined.

My waters broke at 4.30am, went to hospital at 8.30am with contractions every 3 minutes lasting 1 minute, was advised to go back home but refused saying the pain was too bad. They gave me codeine and paracetamol which I vomited back up. They kept me in a ward with no pain relief as they didn't think baby would be here any time soon despite me literally screaming through contractions. I begged them to do an exam on me at 11.30am which they were reluctant to do because it hadn't been 4 hours since the last exam, and I was 5cm dilated so could go down to labour ward and was given gas and air finally, but now it was too late for an epidural. I had my DS an hour later. It was clear they didn't believe I could be in as much pain as I was showing and I think they just though I was a first timer who couldn't handle it.

To this day I still can't understand how a woman can be in a hospital in that much pain and denied effective pain relief.

I remember gasping "but it hurts so much!!" to the midwife and she looked me straight in the eye and simply said "I know it does" with such empathy and understanding, I'll probably not forget that moment.

Sorry to the poster who wrote that, I can't remember your name, but I'm so glad that was your experience. Goes to show how important your midwife is.

I said the exact same to my midwife who looked down at me with unimaginable condescension and sneered 'yeah, labour hurts love'.

I'll always remember that too. But for entirely different reasons.

Recovery from my emcs was a walk in the park compared to the 75 hours of my big headed son attempting to leave via my spine (obviously watching Aliens whilst pregnant was a mistake).

However because I don't get red faced, sweaty or shouty whilst in pain, apparently I wasn't in pain.

Also being told you're coping brilliantly with the pain when you are asking (begging) for an epidural is patronising, insulting not to mention frustrating and wouldn't be tolerated in any other hospital setting. Of course post section, they were constantly trying to shove pain killers that I didn't need down my throat.

Two of my very good friends both had surgery within a few weeks of each other: one was to remove a burst ovarian cyst, the other an emergency c section.

The differences in post operative care between the two were unbelievable. The first was on bed rest for weeks, had multiple physio sessions and consultant check ups. My friend who had the section had barely any check ups and was expected to look after a newborn from the day she was born as any other new mum would on the postnatal ward, despite the surgery and need for multiple blood transfusions. She has a huge hole in her section wound which has been dismissed multiple times.

But how do you get over it?? Just typing it all out has made me feel like I want to cry and/or vomit. I love my babies so much and I hate that my first few days with them was spent in a kind of overwhelming horror at what had nearly happened. I felt like I had failed my little twin 2, right when she needed me the most, by not making more fuss and by believing them that everything would be ok.

I'm still bewildered by the idea that suffering through the labour pain is somehow a good thing....I have several friends who have laboured without any pain relief on purpose and are really proud of themselves despite it being agonising.....they are braver women than me but at the same time I can't help thinking possibly stupider. I can't think of a better word atm although I'm aware it sounds bad.
I don't think my friends are stupid, as I said they are braver than me any day, I just don't understand why this insistence to 'feel' it all is such a big thing....when we have the drugs and technology to make a dangerous, painful experience better why the hell not.
This doesn't just apply to childbirth, I have never heard anyone say 'no I really need to feel this chest infection/staph etc fully or its not a proper illness, no antibiotics for me please' or 'Just chop the leg off now, I don't need general anesthesia' .
Why is suffering that much seen as a badge of honour, I may not have children yet but when I do I don't want to associate them being born with some of the experiences I've heard here if it goes badly!
I've probably not put this very well, but in short...we have the technology people...use it!! Don't martyr yourself if there is no need. If you are lucky and childbirth is pain free then good for you.

This is related to the post about the pressure for a natural birth being put on mother's not the poor things here who have been screaming out for it and ignored xx

Yanbu. I had a very similar time, and know many women who did also. Congratulations and well done xx

Frosty I can only speak for myself. But I found that the labour hormones made the pain + pain relief = no pain equation a lot less simple.

I didn't want to be touched. I preferred the pain to the thought of epidural and injections and a canula. I wanted to be at home. I think in some ways I didn't actually want the pain taken away - I wanted emphathy, and to be comfortable, but I didn't want the process messed with. It was a very powerful urge.

I think historically that instinct to birth quietly with minimal interaction has been routinely dismissed in favour of hospitals, vaginal exams, monitoring etc. Hence the current popular push back for a medication free birth (not saying this is right!).

I really think moving forward with attitudes to childbirth needs BOTH respect for people like me (desperate for minimal contact and intervention) AND respect for people who are happy to accept contact and medical care in exchange for pain relief. Too many places seem to prioritise one or the other which is bound to leave a great deal of women upset and traumatised.

YANBU
Pain relief/management in labour, delivery, CS and post op or delivery is woefully inadequate. Sadly it isn't just a male NHS staff problem, for every decent, compassionate and empathetic female midwife there are a dozen useless ones. High time for a MN campaign.

Batteriesallgone I was exactly like you in labour (imagine it's very common!) however I have a massive problem with the medication free labour movement (for want of a better word!) and that is there is a total lack of understanding about real pain management. What it actually means when a woman's not coping. Even when she insists she is. What the implications are for a woman with no pain relief on board who needs emergency intervention. How a woman with no pain relief on board will cope following specific emergency instructions etc.

The answer is not to routinely drug women just in case but instead I think there needs to be an open and
Honest dialogue about what pain relief is actually for and at what points you can recognise yourself needing it.